It is totally not her business but she probably didn't mean harm. I don't know why people feel the need to give their "advice". Of course your sad... that's natural. You do what you need to do ..I hate to say this but no matter what you do / feel , someone is always gonna think you should have done it differently... you do what you want and don't worry what anyone else says. I HAD to move from our house after my hubby died and it just about killed me...and as you can see ..it didn't help anything to move ...my feeling are still all the same.

I'm sure she is right that you are sad--most of us still have a lot of sadness about the way things turned out for us--it feels so unfair--sadness is just part of the package--even when we get to the point that we can feel happiness and joy again--we still feel the sadness as well. I don't think moving would keep me from being sad--although I do think a change of scenery such as a vacation might give me a lift for a bit. For me, I want to be here where I feel him, where I visualize him sitting in his recliner, lounging on the back deck, laying on his side of the bed. Yes, it brings some sadness but it also brings warmth--a feeling of him being near. You have to be where you are comfortable and do what makes sense for you. Hopefully her advice comes from caring about you even if it is misguided or not welcome. It's funny how so many older people--though wise in so many ways--begin to see things in black and white--"just do this and your problem is solved". If only it were that simple.
Hugs, Wanda

Did anyone ever tell there kids growing up about good cry andbad cry?
Where they would cry to get their way or cry if they were truly hurt.

I think thinking about it there is good sad and bad sad.

Bad sad when we use it to manipulate someone to feel sorry for us is one example but true sad when we have a loss...
That sad takes time and in mnay ways will always be with us in degrees: AT first the sadness is overhwleming and the sadness is sad with somewhat acceptance there is nothing gonna change it. Either way in each true sad timing its good sadness. HOW do you get around it?

Debbie - all respect to your friend, but just because one is a widow doesn't mean one can't be dense. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt, but...really? Being widowed doesn't mean I've lost my marbles. Well, maybe some marbles have gone missing, but whatever.

One thing about this life..not everyone has the right to drive our car and not every person has the right to weigh in on how we live our life. I know that you have no problem driving your own car...perhaps you need to boot out some unwelcome passengers though.....just sayin...(((((smile)))))
-hugs..
-Diana

Tell me about it. I lived with a wonderful woman for 29 years and now she's gone. I'm sad too. I know prior to this tragedy I was quick to offer my 'all-world' opinion on everyones problems. Now I keep my mouth shut.

Besides losing two husbands, she has only lost a son.

I just don't get it, nor do I want to. None of her business what I do, period.

It's astonishing that she would say that to you after losing two husbands. It makes me wonder if that's what she did - did she run from her grief? I know, no answer to that...

Chalk it up to yet another case of 'I am glad I am not trapped inside of that mind....'

I think early on (that first year) people tried to pressure you about moving, not just "moving on", if I remember right, and you dealt with that issue way back when. It's just weird she would throw that at you now. God save me from crazy old ladies... and keep me from becoming one!!

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I keep telling the kids, if I ever get that way, please put me out to pasture and shoot me.

Very interesting. Some people may feel there may be a sadness surrounding all of us at one time or another who has lost a loved one. That does not necessarily mean that we need to move. It may not be feasible for many of us to move. I know it would not be for me. Though I did change the bedroom around, got rid of most of the carpet to make the house my house and I put up photos of Robert and that makes me feel comfort in my home. each of us must do what is more comfortable for each of us not do what others say or feel we should be doing.

Well meant though. People said the same to me, but I just smiled and stayed put. Nobody wants to upset you - they do better if they know better