Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Sorry this is long - but - I have written before that I have lost many friends but one had been "great". This is a woman who dominates all conversations and constantly brags about her children and how much money her husband makes, but she was one friend to appeared to stick by me.
I now realize (after reading online) that this woman has all the classic signs of a "control freak". I've read these "control freaks" prey on vulnerable people often seeking out those in a support group or who have suffered a recent loss. They like to give gifts in the beginning to win over friendship and then try to "take over" the other person's life.
My problems began when this "friend" out of the blue began criticizing my daughter's Godfather (Eddie) because he called her at 9:30 pm and came to visit me at 11 at the hospital (5 mos ago). I defended him and she became angry and hung up on me. They also say these people try to push others out of your life so they can have more control.
Rather than apologizing she send me a long email. These are just some of the comments but will give an idea of the tone:
I live a MUCH less stressful life than you and most other people. Not only do I attribute this to blessings bestowed upon me from my "God" but I also attribute it to thousands of "RIGHT" decisions that I have made. There is a lot of reasons why I am where I am and others are where they are!!! (YES -HER HUSBAND MAKES A LOT OF MONEY. SHE DOESN'T DO ANYTHING.)
Many people want what I have but NEVER want to get on the "RIGHT" road in order to have these things. Many people want what I have but are unwilling to work hard and make the sacrifices required for success. (SHES NEVER WORKED WHILE I WORKED ALMOST 80 HRS A WEEK LAST YEAR AND MY HUSBAND WORKED HIMSELF TO DEATH.)
We all must OWN OUR LIVES!!! You are right, your problems are not mine, nor anyone elses. They belong to you and only you have the power to change your circumstances. (CAN I BRING MY HUSBAND BACK FROM THE DEAD?) One minute you are saying/complaining how much your kids stress you out and the next second you are saying that "they are not the source of my stress." Well, which is it??? You need to get out of denial. Personally, I would try another "god" than "Eddie." He will never be able to save you. Think about it. (after all, it is the truth)
This is only part of the lengthy email. I felt devastated when I rec'd it. I did not respond and yesterday received a msg from her where she sounded mad at me and said I have to call her back. Here my husband has died, I've lost my job, most friends have left me and I have to deal with this? Just want to warn everyone about people like this - I wish I had seen it earlier. Her behavior is becoming more erratic and "crazy" as a I back away from her.
I now realize (after reading online) that this woman has all the classic signs of a "control freak". I've read these "control freaks" prey on vulnerable people often seeking out those in a support group or who have suffered a recent loss. They like to give gifts in the beginning to win over friendship and then try to "take over" the other person's life.
My problems began when this "friend" out of the blue began criticizing my daughter's Godfather (Eddie) because he called her at 9:30 pm and came to visit me at 11 at the hospital (5 mos ago). I defended him and she became angry and hung up on me. They also say these people try to push others out of your life so they can have more control.
Rather than apologizing she send me a long email. These are just some of the comments but will give an idea of the tone:
I live a MUCH less stressful life than you and most other people. Not only do I attribute this to blessings bestowed upon me from my "God" but I also attribute it to thousands of "RIGHT" decisions that I have made. There is a lot of reasons why I am where I am and others are where they are!!! (YES -HER HUSBAND MAKES A LOT OF MONEY. SHE DOESN'T DO ANYTHING.)
Many people want what I have but NEVER want to get on the "RIGHT" road in order to have these things. Many people want what I have but are unwilling to work hard and make the sacrifices required for success. (SHES NEVER WORKED WHILE I WORKED ALMOST 80 HRS A WEEK LAST YEAR AND MY HUSBAND WORKED HIMSELF TO DEATH.)
We all must OWN OUR LIVES!!! You are right, your problems are not mine, nor anyone elses. They belong to you and only you have the power to change your circumstances. (CAN I BRING MY HUSBAND BACK FROM THE DEAD?) One minute you are saying/complaining how much your kids stress you out and the next second you are saying that "they are not the source of my stress." Well, which is it??? You need to get out of denial. Personally, I would try another "god" than "Eddie." He will never be able to save you. Think about it. (after all, it is the truth)
This is only part of the lengthy email. I felt devastated when I rec'd it. I did not respond and yesterday received a msg from her where she sounded mad at me and said I have to call her back. Here my husband has died, I've lost my job, most friends have left me and I have to deal with this? Just want to warn everyone about people like this - I wish I had seen it earlier. Her behavior is becoming more erratic and "crazy" as a I back away from her.
I also had a "perfect" friend who supposedly had the "perfect" family and lots of money; this was the image she showed to our small community. Many people didn't care for her because of that; others were jealous. She was a good friend to me for about 20 years, though; she could be herself with me, and I saw a very different side of her. After she passed from cancer (yes, I do still miss her), I found out that they did not have as much money as she had acted like they had, and that her husband was not the "perfect" man she always acted like he was. But then, who of us are perfect? None of us!
So, in a way I almost feel sorry for your friend, trying to be perfect in an imperfect world, but at the same time, I urge you to evaluate this friendship very carefully. With the issues she has, this does not sound like a good and nourishing friendship for you. I would just give it time and not hurry to e-mail her back or call her. Let it settle and see what happens. Good luck and take care!
Julie