It's been one month brother. You're still in the fog and yes your life has exploded. However long it takes to grieve is how long it takes. No one can tell you how long it's going to take and no one should push you to feel better by a certain time. I'm at 18 months and I still grieve every day. It's not quite so acute as early on, but it's still there. She was your love and that's something that you just don't get over in a month. My wife died of complications from alcoholism at age 41. Her birthday is today so I get it.

I've done therapy, an grief support at a church, and a young widow support group at a hospice. Plus I lurk with some online groups on facebook. Send me a message if you want more. Take care brother.

MyFavorite,...Thanks for the perspective and suggestions. I will try to find some additional local groups to find fellowship.

Grimmer..... The reply from Myfavorite above is a great one. I have been thinking about your wife's birthday today. I hope that you know that at least you have this group of us and are in the same place as you. We're all here to support each other because we are living the same nightmare. Losing your soulmate & best friend is a horrible experience to say the least. Every day when I'm at home by myself, I go back to the day that his life slept away in my arms. His birthday is coming up in 20 days and I know that it will be a painful day. I'm already making plans to go hiking & be outdoors with nature. I know that when I come back home, I'll have to face the pain, but at least it will be at bedtime only. I thank you for sharing your email with us previously. I'll be sending you an email & want others to email me if also if they want. Even though we're all in different parts of the country, we can still be there for each other via email or social media. My email is boxercise7@msn.com and you can find me on Facebook as Alma Spaude. Please let me know on the heading that you belong to this group, that way I'll make sure to respond. May God be with you......

Grieving takes as long as it takes, sometimes it's too insane to believe they call it Widows Veil..it's a way of your brain protecting yourself and sometimes you will forget..is it like this? (( Hugs))

My guess is that you endured a far longer illness period of your wife than most of us with our spouse because your wife's disease of alcoholism was likely in progress before the two of you were together. Perhaps it was hidden and controlled by her for many years. But it is a terminal disease that can only be cure by the person deciding never to drink again, hopefully before it is too late. And a living nightmare for those that love the person. Death of spouse for many of us is a shock to our minds of a magnitude unimaginable to those that have not yet gone through it. Honestly, I doubt there is anything more painful in life. At least, that is my experience.

When my wife of 30 years died from cancer, I honestly believed I would be done grieving in 2 weeks. After all, that was how long I was sad when my father died. I was disconnected from all other deaths in my life. And I would have been first to think, and sometimes speak the words, "Why don't they just get over it." So here I sit, 5 years after cancer began it's nightmare. It will be 5 years this May since her death. I believed myself to be strong enough to handle anything before she died, but her death proved to be my undoing. For me, true recovery did not begin until sometime this past summer after 4 years from her death. Now I just accept my life of emptiness and do the best I can knowing the life and love I once had will be no more. And I've given up trying to chase a new life for myself. Anger became real to me, and once I realized that for what it was, then came acceptance. Understand that while everyone has similar grief stages, the magnitude of our devastation and length of time before we become semi-normal (at least compared to who we were before) is as unique as each person's fingerprints. Only now can I even begin to fathom what my wife's death did to me. Most of it I was simply unable to see at the time. I could see some blur of it in my rearview mirror, but clarity and understanding for me began only after much time and distance. So instead of looking back in a rearview mirror, it seems more like I'm now using a long-distance telescope attempting to make sense of what grief did to me and my actions taken in failed attempts to avoid my suffering. Everybody is different. Your grief is your own. All I can say is it takes what it takes for each of us. No one has a clue what it will take for anyone person, and only an ignorant (defined as being without knowledge) person will attempt to give anyone a time-frame of when they should be over it or how they should be handling it at any given point in time. Everyone's timeline is unique. Take care.

Thank you all for your heartfelt and thoughtful responses. I am working through the process the best I am able. Best wishes to each of you!

I will be at the 7 year mark at the end of this month, he was 52 when he passed.
Scottito has a great reply to your post and having been around when he first came here , he speaks from a place of experience.
He passed at the beginning of 2013 and it was not until the end of 2017 that I found my footing . Those who think that 1 month is enough simply do not understand . Even the medical field tends to get you to "get over it" . I was blessed to have a family DR who understood and was kind.
People just cannot put themselves in your shoes and think that their advice is a good thing. While well intended , those kind of words/advice to have us be strong and move forward usually have the opposite effect.

No one can tell you a time frame on your grieve , it will happen on your time . I can tell you this much, I will personally grieve the loss of my husband until the day I pass myself. My grieve however is no longer the intense pain of the first year, the harsh reality of the second year or the rebuilding of the 3rd year. My grieve these days is a kinder , gentler even sometime sad reminder of him. My grieve is a reminder that he was very much loved and has left behind so much to be thankful for.

Grieving takes time and as long as it does not turn into complicated grieve,then be kind to yourself.
If it turns into complicated grieve then be even more kind to yourself and give yourself permission to seek professional help.
Complicated grieving includes not getting out of bed, not taking care of your hygiene etc ...
You built a life with someone over a period of time,the pain of losing them regardless of the way how , does not "go away" in a mere month despite advice to the contrary.
gentle hugs xo