Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I am trying to learn what I like to do socially. Don't know if some of you remember but I decided to join a social group. Since I joined this group 2 more widowers have joined. It didn't start out as a grief and support group but I guess because of what I wrote on the site got their attention. I wrote that I had recently lost my wife and am trying to find myself, learn what I like to do, Learn who I am. I am looking for friends and to have fun that is all.
Did anyone here lose their self identity. I know I have. I was with my wife for 10 years. Our likes and dislikes merged and we just did what we liked to do. Sure we did things without each other, like our personal hobbies. We didn't always watch T.V. together. we played personal games by ourselves. But when we went out socially we did everything together. I don't know how to act with people in general anymore. This social group is a way of putting myself out there and learning how to be social again.
Some of you here have expressed concerns of me moving to fast into the dating scene. I want to make 1 thing perfectly clear to those who think that. ( I AM NOT DATING! ) A social group is a group of people that meet up at social events like the movies or something fun. I joined this group to do things I don't want to do by myself or wouldn't do. I think it is a great way to learn my likes and dislikes. And yeah when I am ready to date again I think it will be easier for me to socialize with women I am interested in . I don't know when I will be ready to date, But surely isn't now. I have no interest in dating any time soon.
The next event I am going on is white water rafting on the Buffalo River. This is something I have wanted to do my whole life. Well before I met my wife. I think that this just being a random event is a sign that I am doing the right thing.
I hope that the other widowers don't want to talk to me about my wife or theirs when we are at an event. I joined this group to start something new. When I am out with other people in the group I want to do something besides talk about my loss. I would like to talk to the widowers when I am not with all the other people. You know the ones who haven't had their life turned upside down. I would appretiate some advice on how to express that to them without upsetting them if they decide to talk to me about their loved ones that they have lost. I would love to talk to them about our loss outside of the group, over the phone, or a cup of coffee. Not with the others who just wouldn't understand.
For 2 years I was stuck at home and sat in my despair, Knowing that my wife was dying. It is time for me to fill something else besides grief. It doesn't mean that I didn't love my wife. It doesn't mean that I am done grieving for my wife. I am just ready to feel something else.
I would love some input.
ps. I wrote this post for more than one reason. Besides asking for advice I wanted to share the positive things in my life with you. for the first time in 2 years I am experiencing joy and excitement.I have a long way to go but I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I have come to care for many of you. I don't know what I would have done if I never found this group.
!!!!!!!THANK U ALL!!!!!!!
Did anyone here lose their self identity. I know I have. I was with my wife for 10 years. Our likes and dislikes merged and we just did what we liked to do. Sure we did things without each other, like our personal hobbies. We didn't always watch T.V. together. we played personal games by ourselves. But when we went out socially we did everything together. I don't know how to act with people in general anymore. This social group is a way of putting myself out there and learning how to be social again.
Some of you here have expressed concerns of me moving to fast into the dating scene. I want to make 1 thing perfectly clear to those who think that. ( I AM NOT DATING! ) A social group is a group of people that meet up at social events like the movies or something fun. I joined this group to do things I don't want to do by myself or wouldn't do. I think it is a great way to learn my likes and dislikes. And yeah when I am ready to date again I think it will be easier for me to socialize with women I am interested in . I don't know when I will be ready to date, But surely isn't now. I have no interest in dating any time soon.
The next event I am going on is white water rafting on the Buffalo River. This is something I have wanted to do my whole life. Well before I met my wife. I think that this just being a random event is a sign that I am doing the right thing.
I hope that the other widowers don't want to talk to me about my wife or theirs when we are at an event. I joined this group to start something new. When I am out with other people in the group I want to do something besides talk about my loss. I would like to talk to the widowers when I am not with all the other people. You know the ones who haven't had their life turned upside down. I would appretiate some advice on how to express that to them without upsetting them if they decide to talk to me about their loved ones that they have lost. I would love to talk to them about our loss outside of the group, over the phone, or a cup of coffee. Not with the others who just wouldn't understand.
For 2 years I was stuck at home and sat in my despair, Knowing that my wife was dying. It is time for me to fill something else besides grief. It doesn't mean that I didn't love my wife. It doesn't mean that I am done grieving for my wife. I am just ready to feel something else.
I would love some input.
ps. I wrote this post for more than one reason. Besides asking for advice I wanted to share the positive things in my life with you. for the first time in 2 years I am experiencing joy and excitement.I have a long way to go but I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I have come to care for many of you. I don't know what I would have done if I never found this group.
!!!!!!!THANK U ALL!!!!!!!
deleted_user
Good for you doing something for yourself :) You have fun and adventure, we only go around in these digs anyways once, don't worry about what other people think ,, because they're probably just jealous anyway, so have fun!
songsofthenight
hello Drew, not sure if this will help you or not, as others have said you have to have time away from grieving...at times it is only for a few moments, other times it is longer but when your group meets to go river rafting that is definitely not the time to be in that frame of mind. If I count correctly their are 3 of you that are widowed and the rest have no idea of what any of you are going through. They are there to have a great time, socialize, relax and have fun ...not to be upset or brought down by hearing any of the men talking about their loss and that is what I'd tell the other widowed men, if they would like to meet over coffee and discuss their feelings you'd be more than happy to meet. Have fun, enjoy the rafting and moving forward....it doesn't mean you have forgotten (you never will) and people who haven't walked in your shoes can't say what they would or wouldn't do, as they don't know what it is like, they think they have an idea but they really don't know. It'll be 3 years on the 25th and I still have my moments where I'll see, hear or smell something that crashes in on me and I am back at day 1.....Hope you had a great birthday...and have a great time rafting...Sandi
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