Hi there GBA. No one that hasn't had their spouse die can relate to what we go through. Eight weeks is nothing compared to the length of time this grief journey takes. It is pure ignorance for anyone to tell you or any of us that it is time to move on and to "get over it". I know, because I was one of those ignorant fools that said those things before I experienced the loss of my wife to cancer. Grief will change us, and for me, I am a better person because of it. Right now, let grief do what it wants to do. You can not control it, so don't even try. And you should not be making any decisions right now that do not absolutely have to be made. The one year rule is a good starting point for life's tough decisions -- but after a few bonehead boo-boos that I've made, I would call one year the bare minimum. Maybe in 10 years I'll be able to again trust my judgment. Who knows. One thing is for certain, everyone's timetable is different, and time and lots of it is the only thing that heals us. This is not something any of us can "just get over". Impossible. We were joined spirit to spirit with our spouse and when he or she left us, a huge part of us was spiritually amputated. That is why this is the most difficult and painful loss within the human experience. Right now, you are in a protective fog, just going through the motions, surviving minute by minute. Eventually, it does get better. But it gets worse before it gets better. I'm 17 months into this grief journey, and only now am I able to pack up my wife's dishes and china and get rid of her flower beds. Last week I was finally able to clean her desk out. I still can't bring myself to go through our multiple photo albums and her 2 kids have been pestering me to give the albums to them. But I want to go through them first and pull out the pics I want to keep. I just tell them I'm not ready yet. Remember, there is no right and no wrong in how we grieve, what we say, what we do. No rules apply to us. We do what we can when we can, and no sooner. Best piece of advice I got was that this is not about winning a race, it is about survival pure and simple. So take all the time you need. You'll know when the time is right for you to do whatever. Just hang in there. You'll be fine eventually. Crying is the best thing for you right now. That and get all the sleep you can because grieving is the hardest work you will ever do in your life. Eat well, sleep well, drink lots of water so you don't dehydrate. Basically, you've got to take care of yourself to survive this. God bless and comfort you my friend. ~~~ Scottie

I understand your pain, my husband of 34 years passed away 6 months ago, he was my soulmate, my best friend, my everything, we didn't have any kids so now it is just me and my cats. It gets different as time goes on but the pain never goes away, it always there, I don't cry as much, but I still do on occasion. I have learned to just take it one day at a time. My husband was an artist and musician, he had a studio, I just put all of his stuff in there and closed the door, there are so many paintings that are unfinished, I can't even think about what I will do with all of his stuff, for now, I will do nothing and just trust God to give me the courage to do what I have to do and when to do it. It's hard, very hard, the most difficult thing I have ever had to go through in my life. Faith and trust in God gets me through it, I could never go through it without Him, I always feel His presence so I never feel alone although I always feel lonely for my husband and miss his presence. I am semi-retired but I work several hours a week which is good because it gets me out of the house, I don't feel like leaving the house but I know I need to get out sometimes. Days and days go by sometimes when I don't hear from anyone but once in awhile I go to lunch with a friend. I've taken a couple of trips but never for more than 2 days. I try not to think about how I feel, I try to keep occupied as much as possible. It is a strange existence, I know I will see my husband again one day but until then, I just take it one day at a time. My prayers are with you, I pray God gives you some comfort, He definitely is the only One who really can when you look to Him for it.

Thank you Scottie and Sienna9 for the kind words and understanding. I will do my best to heed your advice. I am so thankful for the memories I have of him. For now I will just try to understand the loss and wait for some pain relief. Thank you again and God Bless you for your help.

GBA: I found this site shortly after my husband passed away in September 2015. I couldn't even imagine surviving this long without him but I have. We were together for 33 years and losing someone you love and live with for that long is so difficult. It seems that only those of us who have experienced this loss really get it. Reading others' stories and knowing they understand your pain helps. Perhaps a grief or bereavement group will help you as well. Take one day at a time, that's all you can do. And yes, pray for I know that's what has gotten me this far. Also feeling your husband's presence is comforting. I feel my husband as well and cherish that knowing that he is still with me somehow. That love does not go away. I wish you peace on your journey.

Thank you Msbklyn for your encouraging words. It is my hope to find my way along this hard path. I know it ill help to hear the stories of others who have made this journey and survived.

Eight weeks is not enough time to "move on." Thankfully my kids are not pressuring me about anything but I have had other people (neighbors, friends, relatives) ask me what I intend to do now. My pat answer is "Why do I have to do anything now?" My husband has only been gone for 10 weeks and I do not think this is a good time for me to make any major life decisions. Since your husband died so suddenly and unexpectedly you are probably still in shock and disbelief. Please don't let anyone pressure you into decisions you are not ready to make. Sylvia

Sylvia I thank you for your suggestions. I have a hard time when asked what I plan to do. My friends have asked since day three even before he was buried. In shock I could not answer. I can not until this day talk about the future. I choke up and just cry. With your advice I will practice your answer and hopefully I will be able to remain composed long enough to answer them. I am so glad I found this group online. I have hope now that I can carry on with strength.

I ignore all of them and walk away. I know when I am ready .Discover who you are at your own pace,and never rush or you may get overwhelmed as i did and end up in the mental ward 3 times like me.

I know your pain very well. I list my husband of 21 years last year and I am as lost as a person could be. Due to my health issue, I had to sell my home, my car, and get rid of most of my belongings and move in with my sister. I feel like I am a shell of a person. He was my soul mate, team mate, best friend and the love of my life. I pray everyday for strength, but feel like I am slipping as time goes by.I will say a prayer for you as well. I am so truly sorry for your loss.

I am sorry for your loss, and more I am sorry people are pushing you to hurry you through your grieving. It's not right and it's not fair, and unfortunately, it is very, very common. A lot of us got that kind of unhelpful input/harrassment from people. It will take what it's going to take, and the experts (medical, psych, etc.) say a major loss (spouse, child) can take 2-5 years to recover from. So 2 months is nowhere near time to pay any attention to them. The other key advice is that is is unwise to make any major decisions - like selling your house - for a year. You need the time to grieve, to find your new rhythm, to regain your strength. There is no way you could possibly have everything figured out and sorted and 'be over it' this early. The sane reaction to what you've been through is to grieve. Don't let them make you feel like there is something wrong with your grieving. I will see if I can find the Mourner's Billof Rights and repost it. I think it would help.

There is a different kind of trauma that goes with sudden death. Counseling can be very helpful for that. Counseling helped me enormously, and if possible, I would urge to seek it out. It is also another way of shutting up the critics, as it shows you are being proactive in dealing with your loss. Weird but true. I am sorry you have to be here and even have this discussion, but I hope being here helps. Welcome.

Love and Hugs,
Martha, co-Community Leader

I'm so sorry to hear about your sudden and unexpected loss. I have put forth a polite version and a more honest version for you. Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

You can take a look at either one:
https://www.dailystrength.org/journals/what-did-you-just-say-to-me-things-you-should-and-should-not-say
https://www.dailystrength.org/journals/what-to-say-when-you-don-t-know-what-to-say

Thank you everyone for the encouragement and advice. It sure is needed at this time. May God bless you all.

I am so sorry for your sudden loss. If you can find a grief support group in your area, I encourage you to attend. It truly helps to be among those who understand. Family and friends mean well; but, like anything else, it is hard to relate if you haven't "been there."
Roxanne

Im sorry your bestfriend/soulmate passed on. Take one minute at a time..my husband died in a freak accident. It's not easy or fair. Grieve how you want. I was told not to make any life changing decisions for a year. Very good advice. Everyone is different how they grieve. Give yourself time, and allow yourself to feel however YOU want to feel. No one is in your shoes. Much love and big hugs carla.