Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Pity party

ladybjt
ladybjt

Hello all!  I am having a bit of a pity party today.  I lost my husband 04/26/17 out of the blue. My mother died 04/30/18.  My dearest and closest childhood/adult friend died on 07/19/17. A lot to deal with in a short time span but I was coping. I made it through his birthday, our anniversary (would of been our 41st), and the holidays. I felt I was doing well as could be expecteed.  Boom....02/08/18 I find out I have a detached retina in my right eye, have surgery same day, and started to mend. Seven days with head straight down facing floor. Set back, but I can handle it. Then on 02/18/18 I get a call from my sister-in-law. My brother has been struck by an SVU while out on his daily run. He has bleeding on the brain. We almost lost him that night. He is now slowly recovering. On 05/02/18, I find out another place in the same eye is detaching. Again, emergency surgery. This time a little different procedure. Thankfully,not as many days keeping my head down. Back to work. Now here comes the pity party.  I can't drive at the moment so I have to depend on other's for rides. This recovery is more painful.  I have to strain to see to complete each task at work and at home. I know God does not give us more than we can handle, but I sure wish I could catch a break. I know it will get better. I just had to let some of my frustrations out.

Ken42
Ken42
So sorry about your lost, and i hope you find happiness again
Deb30
Deb30
Well, I would say you deserve a pity party day at the very least. Each of those things would be traumatic on their own but all within a year? I'll bring the cake (or whatever your comfort food of preference is) to the party lol. Sending you a big hug.
solidlylost
solidlylost
You should have a pity party AND a celebration of your strength! Look at what you've lived through and you're still here and to doing quite alright considering everything you've been dealt. I wish for you some comfort and peace and if it's possible to send a hug through the internet, I'm doing it now, while crying. Here it is...
I lost my sweet man in August of '16 and I miss him every second of every day. My mom passed four years prior and friends have dropped away as well...it's a different world as a widow. That's for sure.
Peace to you.
ladybjt
ladybjt
Thank you all for your words of support. Hugs to all of you!!!
lovesloons
lovesloons
I used to think when I had a pity party that there was something wrong with me, almost ashamed of it but then I realized I had every right now and then to have a pity party. My heart was broken in a million pieces after losing my husband to pancreatic cancer, my mother died, my granddaughter was diagnosed with leukemia and it goes on and on. Sometimes it just gets overwhelming and if I want to feel sorry for myself, I will, and have a darn good cry for myself. Then I dry my tears, blow my nose and pick myself up again by the boot straps and go live life again. One thing I've learned since being a widow, WE ARE STRONGER than we realize, we just keep going. Hope better days are in your future and if you have a pity party, I will have one with you. Take care, Jan.
suddenlysingle
suddenlysingle
I'm so sorry, this life seems so unfair sometime, I don't understand. My eyes are swollen again as I'm texting this. I can't wait to join my Schweety I. that peaceful paradise. I don't think I am of this world, my Big Daddy protected me and was my rock. My Mom is dead too and everyone I enjoyed and who understood me. I only wanted one good man and found him, then lost him. I feel I am too naive and nice and people take advantage of that. That's how it was before my big Daddy, not going to make it, sorry I'm not much help, having a giant pity party myself.
ladybjt
ladybjt
As Scarlett O'Hara always said "tomorrow's another day" and so it tis. Today's outlook - brighter. I know I am resilient and a survivor. No, life will never be the same without the man with whom I spent 40+ years. How could it ever? Life evolves, change happens. Some good changes, some gut wrenching, seemingly unbearable like the loss of a spouse. I continue to shed a few tears almost everyday, even after a year. Am I distraught because I still cry? No, for each tear that drops, I feel stronger, have more hope, and have more resolve to make what remains of my life a tribute to my husband and to all the loved ones I no longer have in my life and the ones that I still do. Yes, there will still be the occasional day where I will have a pity party for myself, but those days will not define me. I will not let them.
shewearsblack17
shewearsblack17
My sister had that same eye surgery twice as well. I can't imagine, since it is hard for me to be still for any length of time. On top of your other losses, wow! I have had multiple losses also, so it's okay to have an occasional pity party. Of course my LH was always telling me I was playing the role of a martyr or had victim mentality or whatever. I have to wonder what HE would be doing if he was the survivor again; he would probably be sitting here in his office chair where I sit, talking on the phone or working on his book publishing. If he wasn't in another relationship, he would be looking for someone. I sincerely hope things get better for you.
cupolatte
cupolatte
I've been to that party too. I imagine we all have. You have been through a lot in a short time. I can feel for you because I went through multiple, life changing things around the time of my husband's death too including the death of my father, a stroke, and the birth of our child at 26 weeks gestation. Many times I thought that God had given me more than I could handle. Now I am on the other side of all of that. It has been years since my husband's death. I know now that I wouldn't have known God in such an intimate way if I had not had to depend on Him for strength and guidance and comfort. I saw for myself that He is everything that He says He says He is and is faithful in all of His promises. You will see that this is true in the years to come. I will be praying for you as you go through this journey.