Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

People just don't get it

laurie1209
laurie1209

Its December and apparently you should be getting ready for celebrating. You should be out in the stores buying gifts for everyone you know, you should be decorating to the nines and in a constant state of cheer. Attending holiday parties with ugly sweater contests and euphoria to spare.


but no I don't want to do any of this. I'm content only going to the stores for the bare minimums. I'm ok not shopping for gifts. I'm not decorating a tree. I've done the bare minimum putting up some holiday cheer but not going all out, my heart is not in it.


i have well meaning family asking if I need help with a tree. They are so taken back when I tell them I can't do it. I can go through his ornaments, it would break me. They never considered it would be difficult. I can't buy everyone gifts as usual- I can't afford it anymore. Others want me to host events for the holidays not realizing for me it's not that same without him. I get it they want me to be my old self, well she is gone and I still working on the new me. There is a gaping hole where my heart was. It's healing I can now hold my own but the holidays reopen the wounds. 


but people just don't get it. They want their normal. They want you to be happy. Well I'm bucking traditions and doing what I can when I can when I want to.  Do what you can when you can. Don't feel beholden to traditions, do what your comfortable with. We get it,  I get it.

SnowWhite
SnowWhite
You are SO right!! Watching my children decorate our tree the other night made me break down an ball my eyes out. If it wasnt for formula an diapers, i make every excuse i can NOT to go to a store. Its not that im mad at the world.. Its just it hurts to watch all these people walking around holding hands, smiling, laughing. Even arguing. I have to catch myself staring and talk myself out of walking up to the ones arguing an ask them do they nt realize how lucky they are to have their special someone. I want to tell them to quit wasting time bickering an use their time nore wisely. Anyways.. I completely understand!! If i didnt have small children in my home, wouldnt be a sign of Christmas around. Or any laughter. Hugs to you
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
My husband died in the month of June and I certainly wasn't ready to celebrate my Christmas without him. Heck, Watching the leaves turn beautiful red and yellow angered me with the reality of the world was going on while I was standing still and alone.
You need to do what's best for you right now. Pretending everything is okay is a lie you don't need to pretend. I believe that being here on DS was what gave me the strength I needed to heal myself with others who understand. My best to you. Sharon
onebrokenheart
onebrokenheart
He loved Christmas. I could not put up a tree the first two years. Second year I did put just a few items out but no tree. Then I moved so I could care take my parents and that third Christmas I did put up a tree. Mostly to spite my mom who was telling me to get ride of everything. I brought such precious little with me and I was not going to give up another thing. Many of the ornaments were hand picked by my husband, so no, I am not going to give them away or throw them out. So last year after the tree was decorated I found I felt actually better than I thought I would. I have put the tree up again this year and I have had some moments of sadness but overall I am glad I have done this again. I look at the tree and silently send a hug and kiss to my husband. I thank him for having put Christmas in my heart all those years ago and I thank him for residing in my heart now.
Sara59
Sara59
Thank you for posting this.
tim57
tim57
This is my second Christmas without Linda. She blew my mind the first one we had together. She would put lights around the top of the ceiling and then garland on the lights. All thru Christmas they were the only lights needed. They would light up the house. The tree had so many ornaments on it there wasn't a bare spot available. Not a room that wasn't decorated someway. I could go on but you get the idea. This is the second one without her. And I still want put anything up this year. I still honor the birth of the savior but I don't need decorations right now to do that. He knows I still need time. Christmas used to be so magical to me. It would start way back after Halloween. Almost like everything just looked different. Never about materialistic stuff but time together. And the food. But not this year, not yet. She understands.
Take care.
Peace, Tim
shelda
shelda
I have no feelings towards much anymore..Christmas tress are just lights..there isn't any of that feeling..was thinking I should try and motivate myself to help someone too..can't be the only ones alone..that would mean I have to go there though..and I'm thinking of going to work..lol..think that will help me to go visit people who are sad too
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