Its December and apparently you should be getting ready for celebrating. You should be out in the stores buying gifts for everyone you know, you should be decorating to the nines and in a constant state of cheer. Attending holiday parties with ugly sweater contests and euphoria to spare.

but no I don't want to do any of this. I'm content only going to the stores for the bare minimums. I'm ok not shopping for gifts. I'm not decorating a tree. I've done the bare minimum putting up some holiday cheer but not going all out, my heart is not in it.

i have well meaning family asking if I need help with a tree. They are so taken back when I tell them I can't do it. I can go through his ornaments, it would break me. They never considered it would be difficult. I can't buy everyone gifts as usual- I can't afford it anymore. Others want me to host events for the holidays not realizing for me it's not that same without him. I get it they want me to be my old self, well she is gone and I still working on the new me. There is a gaping hole where my heart was. It's healing I can now hold my own but the holidays reopen the wounds. 

but people just don't get it. They want their normal. They want you to be happy. Well I'm bucking traditions and doing what I can when I can when I want to.  Do what you can when you can. Don't feel beholden to traditions, do what your comfortable with. We get it,  I get it.