I usually say I'm struggling or taking it one day at a time. I'm at 3 months and I rarely have anyone ask anymore. I guess I'm supposed to be OK now!

I think you nailed it go with this responses you listed above. My feeling is if it can be asked it CAN be answered:)

I just answer... As well as can be expected....

I always say ok whether it is true or not, they don't really want to know.

I agree with Allie, I think most people just ask because they think they have to...when you begin to really answer them, they quickly change the subject

A dear friend ahead of me on the grief path gave me the perfect response:

"F.I.N.E."

Which stands for "F****d up, Insecure, Nervous, and Exhausted."

That tends to cover most situations. (You can also change that to mean Frightened, Insomniac, Needing Emotional support, etc., if the swearing bothers you.

There are those people out there who take pleasure in hearing how awful we are. Then there are those that ask solely because it's automatic - they don't really want to know. Generally speaking, there are dang few people who really want to know how you really are - they can't handle it, it scares them to think about what if it happened to them, and they feel powerless to do anything about your situation. Oh, and then there are those wonderful folks who have no experience with grief who will tell you what you "should do" if you tell them that you are not okay.

That's why after a time, I just told them I was F.I.N.E.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Great answer Martha.

To answer the "how's it going??" sort of thing I often say "it's going - if not, then ya' gotta push." They ask that as they don't know what else to say.

I am 3+ years into this grief process. When asked how I am doing, I answer that I miss John terribly and am just drudging along through life. Usually, I am not asked anything else. It makes me feel better to be honest.
Roxanne

As was said by Donald Sutherland, Mark Wahlberg & Chalize Theron in the movie "The Italian Job" ~

Just say *FINE* ~
Inside joke meaning freaked out, insecure, neurotic & emotional ~

Great answer Martha, I have my perfect response.

I am asked this question all the time. I usually respond at first with "I am OK" and then I say "it's difficult, but I am trying to make it through each day". I think the OK response is my assuring them and then I tell them on a deeper level how I am really feeling. Most of the time though when I say I am OK they respond with a concerned "Really, are you sure you are OK?".

Almost 3 years when people ask me now I simply say

Lonely wish I was not alone...but I am managing the best I can.

I was asked once again today so how are things going with you since you no longer have your husband? A co worker gave me a great comeback. So how would you feel if you know longer had your spouse with you?
I want to add the comment when you have this situation come back and we will discuss.
There is a big difference between death of a spouse and when you and your spouse get a divorce.

I love Martha's response too. But I usually just say "OK" or that I am on "auto-pilot." It is 3 1/2 months for me now. I meet a lot of people through work and at least those who ask how I'm doing show some awareness that my life has changed. Some people say nothing about my husband's death; then I wonder if perhaps they don't know or if they do know, but think it's easier if they don't acknowledge how terribly sad and different everything is for me now.
Maybe there's just no right question and only answers that others don't want to hear.
DorothyJoan