I can understand your feelings. I do drive but not too far. Have you considered getting your license? It might give you a better sense of independence and you could maybe get out more and meet new people. Just a thought.

I don't for a minute believe that there is a time element that we can refer to as a time we will be "over it". I doubt if I will ever reach that point, but I do know that I will continually try to adapt to this new situation in order to survive. We need to make the most of our lives even if we decide to stay alone. I think we need to force ourselves to develop some new interests and make some new friends. I am not a social butterfly either, but I do know our choices are limited. Either we do this, or we will be sitting around waiting for someone to call us and I have noticed that my own phone is ringing less and less. Look around and evaluate the possibilities.

Dearest MaraK:

That is exactly what these online support groups are all about. Having a chance to express what you're going through without fear of rejection. I've got alot of friends and family who I guess are just sick of hearing about my pain. One of my grief support friends said "they're afraid we'll get our death on them!" I think that is so funny and true. They just don't and can't understand us. I had so little support and got to the point awhile ago that I didn't think I was going to survive. I live in a very rural area and we didn't have a support group here. So, guess what I did!? I started one! My husband has been gone 7 1/2 months now and I know that you know how much I miss him! It has really helped me to not only have something to do to keep my mind occupied but also to have people who can commiserate! I wish you all the best. You'll work out what is best for you. And, you just keep coming here for support and encouragement! ;) Hugs darlin! --Jenny

Hi,
I'm so sorry for how you are feeling, but I have had to climb so many of those mountains.
Rich was my very best friend and I have no close "girlfriends". It was always just him and me. We were so enjoying each other now with the kids being grown and the grandkids old enough to not 'need' us so much any more and now....Just me alone!
My kids have their own lives and although they have been wonderful, they need their own space, especially on the weekends.
I doubt that there could ever be anything in this life that I could face, that would be harder than this. We all say we "miss them" but it goes so much deeper than that and it is so difficult to express that horrid emptiness inside.
Like you, I walk around saying in my head, "I want my baby back!", but who is listening??
I hope you will come back here often, this is a wonderful support group.
My love to you...Mo

I am so sorry you are hurting so much. I am 7 months out from the death of my husband who was also my best friend. I think Caroline has the right idea though, about trying to adapt to the current situation with new interests, new friends, etc. I do not drive either, and understand how limiting that can be. Are there buses, or other public transportation in your area? How about churches, clubs, classes? Lots of us don't have a big circle of friends to fall back on, so don't think you are alone. Hope thing will improve for you soon. laurabp

I wish I could offer some words of wisdom, but the best I can do is express that you are not alone.

The time does weigh heavily on the weekends.

I hope you fare better soon.

I wish you the best. I do drive however my daughter is driving me around because I am still a nervous wreck. I am always crying and confused. I miss my husband so much that I just wish to hide so I don't feel this pain. Life seems so unfair and it seems that your friends keep moving on and you are stuck at the same place. This pain is so much that I just don't know what to do to keep going. I want to pray but I am hurt right now that I don't think it would be right and my faith won't be there. This pain is so gut wrenching that I just don't know what to do.

I lost my husband of 36 years a few months back
i also don't drive or work out side of the home
even when i am around people i am still lonesome. i know other women this has hapend to
after awhile they seem to get better. We have
to let ourselves grief i guess. I am so sorry
you are going throw this too. Hang in there.

Mara: Ted C here; I lost my wife less than 6 months ago and I know what you are going through. My prayers are with you. I thought I had close friends but after she died I found out the exact opposite. The phone has more or less stopped ringing and I entertain myself. I am just down the road from you about an hour so if I could add to my friends list we could chat on the computer if that is allright with you.

Ted C

Hi MaraK, I am so sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you are feeling. We all do. I miss my Robert and especially in the evening I get a sinking feeling and wish he were home to greet me. I am so sorry he is not here with me.Hopefully time will heal. It will be 4 months for me in a week. It seems like he has been gone forever. Many hugs to you. Christine

I find a lot of peace reading posts and replying to those that touch my heart. You would be surprised how fast the hours fly by when you're thinking and praying about someone else. No matter how great our pain when we look around we aren't alone-there's someone on DS who is hurting too.. Sharon

Hi Sharon:

You are right this site does help us. I was telling my daughter about it and I explained to her that it helps me because I think that I can bring out my most inner feelings without feeling like if I am intruding or that someone will laugh about it because we all are in the same hole and have felt like this before. We all know the pain that we are going through and how hard it gets. We know that it is hard to get through the days. I am grateful to this website because it has helped me a lot. I find it very helpful.

I am sorry for your loss and that you're feeling so badly. I lost my husband to a sudden heart attack November 2007. He was my best friend and constant companion, and he was the family 'chauffeur' so I know how hard it is when you feel limited, immobile. I had to re-learn to drive after his death. It seemed like everything in my life had to change, and I sure as hell didn't want it to. At some point, I started telling myself 'you can do this, you can do this.' I had to reach pretty far down to find the courage to keep going. People don't understand what it takes for us to get through the nightmare. I confronted one group of coworker friends and told them that I wished they would invite me out to lunch more. They told me they thought I "needed my space." I told them my problem was that I had TOO MUCH space. DS was my life line. My friends here helped so much. I got counseling, too, and that helped. I read books on grief. I forced myself to keep going. There's no one 'magic bullet' that will make it all okay. I dearly wish there was. It takes lots of little pieces and ten tons of courage to get through this. It is nothing short of a miracle that any of us makes it through this. But we do. We can. Hang in there, don't give up. And keep coming here to DS - we all understand what you're feeling and facing. Love and Hugs, Martha

Martha:
This pain is so great that only the ones that are going through this can understand. My husband death has left a big void in my heart that I don't know what to do. It hurts so much that there are times you just want to hide. I am getting counseling and DS is help me to understand that I am not the only one in this situation. I miss him so much and it hurts so bad that I don't wish this pain to anyone. I never realize how much love hurts until now. I love my husband and not having him around makes it so hard that I cannot imagine being without him for too long. I can imagine getting old and not having him around. I have two kids that need me and I have to continue for them but everyday is a battle for me to keep going. I visit my husband everyday at the gravesite and talk to him about everything. I love this guy and life seems so unfair without him here. He was my everything. I ask God to please let me see him one last time and talk to him and have him answer my questions even if it is in my dreams. This PAIN HURTS AND IS KILLING ME EVERYDAY MORE AND MORE

I joined DS 2-1/2 weeks after I lost Cliff. I was where lindalun is now. Fighting the urge to not live anymore, struggling to keep going for my two kids, unable to fathom the madness my life had become in the mere moments it took to lose my husband, my best friend, my companion, the father of my children - the man I was supposed to grow old with, the one who now wouldn't be there for all the special days to come. The early days are intense - more pain than any human being should endure. They are supposed to be I guess - it is the dark side of loving someone so much. This is the time to be gentle with yourself, be patient with yourself. This is one of the two toughest things any person can go through. You need the time to cry, you need people to listen, you need to talk about it, and oddly enough we always will need these things. But slowly the pain starts to lift, and you will find reasons to keep going, and eventually even reasons to be happy and grateful for what you once had. There is pain at every stage of this journey. There are also reasons at every stage of this journey to keep going and to be thankful. We miss our old lives and have to build our new ones when we feel we don't even want one. I know, I remember, one never forgets what it's like. The best advice I can give you is to keep trying - don't give up - you're stronger than you think you are. And keep talking here - we will all support each other, regardless of where we are on the journey. Much Love and Hugs, Martha