It is good to cry...at times the memories and our environment will make us remember such memories. Go through the motions as you heal slowly by slowly..Do hot hold the cries and pain...Crying is a way of healing..

Happened to me in the parking lot the other day at the store. The 6th month anniversary was coming up and I guess that was the trigger. I was feeling so tired of doing everything on my own.

When I was first widowed, seeing other couples interacting out in public or at church was always a trigger. Sometimes it still does pull at my heartstrings even though I have a good friend to share nice times with. I'm sure he misses the interactions he had with his wife also. There was just something about having Bob's love that made life complete. Love and Hugs, Dolores

still happens to me also. I know, had Andrew lived, we would have been that older couple, holding hands and just still in love. I no longer have anger or jealousy as i realize how incredibly beautiful that scene is. It does make you wish it were you, but in my heart, it always will be.

Me too. Last Tuesday I was in a group meditation session where we meditated for 20 min. I felt like withdrawing because I was tired but otherwise feeling fine at the beginning of the session. Then I started to think about my grandmother, who passed away last week. One thing led to another, I thought of my love. By the end of the 20 min, I had a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. The meditation instructor asked us to share but I declined. Not that I felt embarrassed, but was tired to see people looking at you with sad eyes, and say "Aw, I'm so sorry to hear that."

The half year in the first year was very difficult for me. It was a week of persistent heaviness. Afterwards, grief eased on me...

Odd how seeing happy couples can be such a trigger for us early on. I guess it is in the face reminder of what we lost. Your thought of telling them never to take each other for granted is pure love. I wonder, if a stranger had approached Juanita and me saying these same words, would I have heard what they were telling me? Honestly, I doubt it. It took her death to open my eyes to what I had and what I lost. Yes, I mourned her death. But I also mourned losing the life we had together. Holding hands. God, how I missed that, more so than anything I think. Having her touch, the connection, her light squeezes of correction to me without a word being spoken. Now when I see couples holding hands, enjoying just being together, I get a big grin on my face and am truly happy for them. If I were to be able to time travel back, knowing now what I didn't know then, I'd probably smother her with affection 24/7, so much so that she would push me away like when I tried to give her a hug from behind when she was doing dishes. That really bugged the heck out her :) Yes, our eyes are opened to so much. Once we get the pain behind us, we find ourselves changed in so many better ways. So let those tears flow, because really they are tears of the depth of our love for the special one we had. How blessed we were to have had them in our lives. ~~~ Scottie

The tears started to flow after I left the grocery store. That's a lonely time for me shopping and only buying for myself. Tried to get someone to come over for dinner tonight but no luck. I'm going to make it for myself though and freeze the rest. I refuse to eat white castle every night. Most nights I do go to my daughters next door but I find it's also good to be on my own once and awhile. How I miss someone to laugh with though. I liked the comment about persistent heaviness. Boy is that a good description of how you feel. Marilyn

My last meltdown was at the grocery store. An old man triggered it. I shop okay otherwise. Well, I did lose my best umbrella on the last excursion because I was trying to figure out why a man had asked my name and what I was going to buy. That is unusual for the NW. Memorial Day is coming up, and still no progress on getting the stone. I have challenged them to put a logo directly onto the stone by using a rector file. They are hedging, and I don't know why. If you lived in my town, I would not recommend our local FH. They seem a bit shady. Rain, sorry about your grandma.

Amazing how emotional heaviness can be triggered just out of the blue. Seeing couples in church and grocery stores trigger it occasionally as does the people at work talking of their spouses and plans/memories. On those days I just have to let the tears flow they seem to have some type of healing effect.

You have such a kind and sensitive heart! I love the way you wish that couple a long life together. I wish I had my Rick to hold hands and joke with too, but I want to be like you and be glad for the people who do still have that kind of love. You are getting through it. Some days it may not seem like it, but you are. Still praying for you.

Glad to hear others have meltdowns in grocery store. Went few days ago needed few things, left store cryed in car. I miss making us dinner, sad to only buy for myself, hate eating alone. Everyone has gone on with their lives.
Watching other couples is very sad for me too.
I am keeping busy but need to realize life will never be the same without him.
Glad to know others on this group understand .

I guess I'm not there yet, or just an oddball. I see couples and think, "just wait...either you'll get divorced, or one of you will die and leave the other to navigate through the searing pain of grief." It all ends badly so I find myself shaking my head and thinking how oblivious they are now. It doesn't matter if they're young or old. While an 18 year old widow/widower's experience is different from an older person's, the pain is no less or greater than an 85 year olds pain. They seem blissfully unaware of what awaits every single couple, (for the most part),so I shake my head and don't feel triggered. Sometimes when I see younger couples with their little ones I feel melancholy. But I'd feel that way even if my husband hadn't died. When I took my 4 day Hawaii trip of healing and i told friends the above reason why I was okay and didn't care about the couples on the trip their reactions were priceless--pretty much horrified. But I just explained that's just where I am at right now. I do realize it's a morose world view.
I've gotten a bit better at holding in any tears until I'm alone but sometimes one of those tidal waves of grief hits me and there's nothing I can do. Trigger not needed.

Thank you, Carrie.

You're very welcome, Eddie. I feel like I lost my second mom to Alzheimer's - and my best friend here in town to her mental illness [she is getting treatment but not sure what the issue (diagnosis) is].

I think seeing couples at church gets to me more than anywhere else. I'm used to having a man sitting at the end of my pew. This is not the way things are supposed to be!

I buy groceries, and half the time I don't have the time or energy to cook. Tonight I went through the drive-thru at Nancy Jo's, and I guess it was soggy burger night. White Castle burgers may have tasted better. This is garage sale weekend, and I'm exhausted.

Thank you everyone for support and insight into this grief pathway. So glad I found this site and to know there are other people who feel the exact same way as I do, I'm not just being ridiculous, as some family members think. Bless you all and thanks for sharing your emotions and heartache. It helps me more than you will ever know. Peace and love to all, Jan.