Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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scottbeach1962 01/19/2011

when my wife pasted away i did not know she had organ donor on her drivers license.so the same day that she died i got a phone call core thats the group that handles it.they said they had to ask me about 30 questions the first 20 to 22 where o k however after that they got bad.questions like did your wife ever cheat on you ,and if so did she have unprotected sex,or did she have sex with someone with h.i.v. i was starting to get really mad and told her my wife has been with me and only me for the last 24 years and if they wanted anything from my wife she had better stop asking those uncalled for questions.she told me it had to be done.yhe only reason i gave the o k of the donation was cindy had wished it .i had keep it in the back of my mind and just started to think about and manted to vent.sorry .scott

Lininsocal 01/19/2011

I think those questions at such a crucial time are out of line...necessary perhaps. I can understand your anger. How do you feel to think that thwre is someone alive as a result of your wife's unselfish nature to be a donor?

Truhal 01/19/2011

Such a wonderful woman your wife was. I know the quesions are intrusive, but I'm so happy you went alone with it. Think of all the people out there who may have benefited from your sacrifise. The gift you and your wife gave will go years and years into the future, long after we are all forgotten.

rubble 01/19/2011

Wow! Don't be sorry. That would make anyone angry at a time like that. My husband's family prompted me to ask hospice about organ donation. It was stunning to find out he wasn't eligable because his body was too toxic from liver disease. I think they were trying to make something transendental out of his situation, like they could feel better if they knew he was living on in someone else. Which is valid in some circumstances but for them I think they were avoiding the reality. They wouldn't even come and see him in hospice house when they knew I was there alone. It irritated me but so do a lot of things these days! Vent on.

deleted_user 01/19/2011

I understand the shock of those questoins at such a time in your life. It is not what you expect when donating an organ.

The reasons they must ask those is because it has been discovered that people can contract (in rare cases0 diseases that are transmitted in those manners through organ donation.

it is not an intent to demean the memory of your wife but a question that must be asked in order to make sure that the organs are transferable.

deleted_user 01/19/2011

I can understand your anger at these question. Having answered these questions she may have saved some one life.

Nicker07 01/19/2011

Scott Its the questions at the timing that really sucks. This was my incident into same: I thought they were hurrying to get that part done & get the organs out -
My friend & co worker John's wife died from brain aneursyms (age 40) I went with him when he called to hosp. He had to make decision to keep her on machines til they arranged for donor stuff.
Altho' it was his brother who got her kidney (he was on donor list & a match) they still asked questions that shocked us both. I stepped up & said while you need to ask these, its your delivery that is shocking.
John & I went for a walk - sat down - started over again - more compassionate, someone needed to be there for you to soften that step. Just my thoughts from that.

deleted_user 01/19/2011

I was also somewhat shocked by the list of questions asked by the donor organization. I did donate my husband's corneas. This was a decision the children and I made together. I almost gave up halfway through the call, but I knew I wanted my husband's shocking loss to help someone else. Not only are the questions very direct, they also go on forever. At such an overwhelming time it is hard to answer them. Good for you to honor your wife's wishes and put up with that lengthy questioning process.

Nicker07 01/19/2011

I always thought its neat to know Christina is in Johns brother, living well. Others have her in them, I often ask John is your brother starting to act like her, believe it or not he said it spooked him once when he did something that was so her....impossible but...

Organ donorship is a neat program so think of someone who is alive and well She would be proud to know that.

scottbeach1962 01/19/2011

that is why i did it and i am going to change my drivers license to organ donor myself .you can not use your body parts when you are gone .let someone else use them.scott

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