every person has to find their own "best way".
I have not hit my one year, so am not much help...am still conflicted on what will be best for me / meaning, least terrible.

Rosie My one year anniversary is tuesday.. and Im beyond dreading it, but more so this weekend, because last year, he passed on sunday morning.. well going to bed.. I'm with you on the how awful it's been. I hve no one to spend the day witth, so think I;ll just stay busy doin things around the house. Much love and big hug carla

Hi Rosie,

You could look at this list: http://aplus.com/a/25-Ways-To-Honor-Memory-Loved-One

My wife used to love eating crab, so my kids and I went out for a crab dinner for the one year anniversary. It wasn't a happy event, but it wasn't that sad either.

Thanks for your comments....It is on Wednesday and I can't seem to get out of this slump...I can't stop my my mind from racing with all the thoughts of how life has changed so much...friends that were with me in the beginning are now gone and that's sad for them...they obviously were never really my friends...but then what defines friendship? in my view I have been far too trusting and giving and really that was not a good thing to be on my part...it only made things worse when I look back at all the things I gave away that belonged to him...do I ask for the things back? they were meaningful to me and not to them I am at a loss on what I should do...

Hi Rosie, it's good to hear from you -- seems like it's been a while since I noticed a post. I've got a couple months till I hit my 1 year mark, but from what I read, everyone has problems with it. This ain't Kansas Dorothy. Yeah, I gave away alot of things too (like Juani's 4' high jewelry cabinet filled to our 6 year old granddaughter -- now I worry if she'll actually see any of it, and the car she drove). But water under the bridge, it seemed the right thing to do at the time. I'm just thinking a little more clearly now is all. Which I guess is why the word on the street is not to make any major decisions the first year. So I'm just wondering, is that when I get to go buy my Maserati? Just wondering. God bless you Rosie. ~~ Scottie

yes I too am thinking more clearly on that I guess that is why I am so upset with myself for giving things away...I should have waited and then I would have been clearer...I guess I thought that it would make someone happy only to realize that it made me feel worse when the person just walked away...I felt like a fool...or I should say I feel like a fool...again too trusting...is it wrong to want some of the important things back? or is it just a lesson in this life?

Rosie, it is not wrong for you to want important things back.
However, I fear that you asking will probably end up bringing more hurt to your heart (unless you still have a deep & close relationship with the person, and they are very genuine and REAL in their attachment to you).
My first year is approaching too, and I feel extremely vulnerable emotions about how I should handle people, the way 'friends' have dumped me as my needs have increased, due to changing circumstances since my husbands' death.
It hurts. I know I need to try to protect my heart, but we don't always have the chance to see hurt approaching ahead of time.
All my best to you. I have great empathy for your position.
Barbara.

Rosie,
I don't think there is a norm for that day. I can tell you that the dread of the day was much worse for me than the actual day. I spent the day alone, which is what I wanted. My sister called in the afternoon and we cried together for a long while and after that I felt better. My husband passed very suddenly. My family and I were not ready to do any sort of celebration, so we all just passed the day each in our own way. Your day will be here soon and then it will pass. Take care and I hope all goes well for you.
Hugs,
Linda

Mine will be in April and i live approx 50 miles from NYC,,,some reason I have a major urge to go to St. Patricks Cathedral and sit there for a while and contemplate and of course lite a candle,,,I promise all of you I will also be lighting a candle for all of us on DS/WW and our spouses.

That is sweet of you to say...It's funny but friends just don't get it...they say stop feeling sorry for yourself and you need to make a new life for yourself...I can't believe that, my life was him we had made our plans and though no fault of his, he couldn't stay with me...I would not wish this pain and grief on anyone...I have cut out alot of people in my life that bring nothing to it...can't just be there for me without judgement then its time for you to move on...that is my new motto...I would rather have a handful of true friends than a lot of fake ones....I know he would be disappointed in the people that have walked away but then he always knew who was real and who was fake it was me who really didn't...

I think you should ask for emotionally important items back. Yeah, it may be difficult to bring up, but those items probably mean much more to you than the people you gave them to.

I knew people who went through grief. I never understood (until now), but I watched many make the mistake of making major decisions, like quickly giving away the deceased's possessions. That's unwise, and those people typically regretted it later.

So, yes. Go get your husband's items back! We have your back.

feels good to have the support here...I knew it was a bad idea but again are we ever in the position of making great decisions while we are grieving...I know I am not...need to really think before I act again....

Rosie.. Im with you on that.. Id rather have just one true friend, rather than a bunch of take, take, take friends.. or those who are there for just a moment in time, for themselves.. much love carla

How much stuff you may try to get back probably depends alot on your future plans. Are you going to continue on in the home you shared with your husband? You think you may take a smaller apartment, or possibly a roommate? If you do that, you may be getting rid of alot of stuff anyway...from a house to an apartment, at least two roomsfull.
That's the position I'm in, I'm liquidating a 3-bedroom house to move to Oklahoma to be with daughters and grandkids, and I'll either end up in a very small apartment, or with one of the girls. I just don't have a need for all that "we" stuff any more.
I AM finding on my journey, that with the exception of some pictures and videos, a very small amount of jewelry...and the set of clothes she wore to the hospital, which have not been washed to retain the scent...I don't need a lot of "stuff" to wallow in the memories...I can do that without the stuff. You have to do what's best for you now. Because one way or the other, his Spirit and Love will always be with you...and it does not depend on how much stuff you got.

it is something that I need to do(get back some of the things) to make myself feel better...I did it as I said out of haste not really thinking of the future and what I would feel like later...I am going to ask for some of the things back not all of them just the ones that I should have not given away...the meaning of the items is nothing to that person and they mean everything to me...I have now discovered that grief does such a number on our emotions that sometimes our thought process may not be good at the time...I need to take more time to make the right decisions and not just jump into things before thinking...