Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
December 1st it will be one year since my husband died - seems hard to believe. Yesterday I got a xmas card in the mail from a Long Lost Friend - I say long lost because I haven't spoken to her in over 1 year. So - in the xmas card she wrote, "I pray that you are doing well. I miss you!!" I'm thinking - oh really - where are the invitations to dinner, meet for lunch, or even a phone call?
Then tonight I got a message on my cell phone from another Long Lost Friend - this "friend" I didn't see until 9 months after my hubby died - even though I practically begged her several times to meet for lunch or dinner. Then - we only met briefly for coffee and it was only after HER husband had been in a car accident. Then she sat and complained about how people weren't there for her (he was in the hospital 2 days and back to work in a week). I've known her for 24 years, she lives 10 minutes away, worked part time at a school and was then off all summer.
So - do you think I should respond to these two? I think of all the days I cried on my way to work - not only about missing my husband - but my friends - like these two - who in an entire year could not once say "why don't you come over for pizza?" (I would have even paid for the pizza.)
Then tonight I got a message on my cell phone from another Long Lost Friend - this "friend" I didn't see until 9 months after my hubby died - even though I practically begged her several times to meet for lunch or dinner. Then - we only met briefly for coffee and it was only after HER husband had been in a car accident. Then she sat and complained about how people weren't there for her (he was in the hospital 2 days and back to work in a week). I've known her for 24 years, she lives 10 minutes away, worked part time at a school and was then off all summer.
So - do you think I should respond to these two? I think of all the days I cried on my way to work - not only about missing my husband - but my friends - like these two - who in an entire year could not once say "why don't you come over for pizza?" (I would have even paid for the pizza.)
sending huge hugs
judi
I know what you are talking about. The friends I thought would be there for me were nowhere in sight...except for at the very beginning...now they have left me alone. They don't even pick up the phone and call me. One of them, believe it or not, I met in the first grade of elementary school. I grew up with her, spent most of my childhood days with her. I know all her family (aunts, cousins, grandparents) as well as I do my own. She has always seemed like a sister to me...but evidently, I don't seem like a sister to her. I know how badly it hurts not to have your friends come around. I can't understand the reasoning, but I have let it go. I have called the one friend I was speaking of several times, and the last time I talked to her she said, "I could at least pick up the phone and call you, couldn't I?" Well....duh....yeah!!! Haven't heard from her since. I don't want to end our friendship, so I will take what I can get from her...as far as what she wants to extend to me. The others, well, I just go on my way and try to let bygones be bygones...as the old saying goes.
My first anniversary is coming up this Friday, the 3rd. I am already feeling the impact and think..."Well, this time last year, my Larry was still here with me." Even though he was in the hospital awaiting surgery, he was still able to talk, laugh, make jokes and tell me he loved me and I him.
You wil be in my thoughts and prayers. I know how hard it will be for you and my heart goes out to you!!!
Love and hugs,
Cathy
Regarding your female friends, it says little for woman bonding. You could return the calls and give them another chance in case they have seen the light over this past time, or you can ignore them as they ignored you. Personally, I am nosy by nature and I would call back to see what, if anything, they have to say.
Maggie
Lori