Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Kgrandma 09/30/2018

It's been one week and 2 days since he passed. The autopsy findings revealed an enlarged heart that led to a massive heart attack. We had no idea. We are "youngish" (50) and cycled and kayaked a lot! The autopsy also revealed that he had the same intestinal cancer tumors that killed his mother. There were no symptoms so it would have progressed like his mom's before we knew. Her's was a slow painful death and he always said he didn't want to go like that. He didn't. He passed in his sleep curled up next to me. We only had two years together and weren't married yet. We had both had horrible first marriages so we appreciated each other so much more. We had so many plans. Plans to build a house on the property we bought. Plans to travel. Plans to get married next year. With no kids of his own, he took on my two kids and loved them as if they were his and they loved him. We married off my son and welcomed my first grandchild together. He's suddenly not here and I'm not sure how to go on.

Sorry for rambling, I'm just pouring out my heart.

cliffskat 10/01/2018

I'm so sorry for your loss. I do understand a lot of what you're going through. I was 50 and Cliff was 55 when he died of a massive heart attack without warning. The night before he died, we talked about all of our plans for the future. The next morning, he woke me up gasping, and died in my arms. I did CPR until the paramedics showed up, and even with 8 of them working on him, they couldn't bring him back. They said the attack was a massive deep wave attack and he was gone instantly. My whole world collapsed in moments.

Both of his parents were cancer deaths, and as he was a heavy smoker, I was always afraid that would be his fate as well. In a way, I'm glad he didn't suffer like they did (and my father did), but it made my suffering hard to cope with as there was no warning, no preparation for losing him.

The one thing I have learned over the years, and I hope you hear me when I say this, is that the important thing was that our husbands knew they were loved, right up to the end. Not how or why they died, not how long we were together, or all the rest of it. It was the love that mattered.

The road is not an easy one, but you will get through this. Don't give up, and don't feel guilty.

I am sorry you need to be here, but glad you found us. Welcome.

Love and Hugs,
Martha, co-Community Leader

Msbklyn 10/01/2018

I’m so very sorry that you lost your love. I was 55 and my husband was 59 when he died 3 years ago. He suffered a cardiac arrest and died 30 days later after surviving open heart surgery. I am grateful that I got those extra 30 days but still did not expect the outcome. This is a difficult journey, a rollercoaster of emotions and different levels of pain that changes back and forth. This is a good place to find support because we have all been where you are. One day at a time is the best advice I can offer. Just let yourself get through each day and sometimes each moment. I wish you peace. Marybeth

Kgrandma 10/01/2018

Thank you both so much!

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