Wendi,
I am with you on the daily thoughts. When I'm alone and not distracting myself with tv or phone calls, I think of my hubby all the time. He's been gone almost 3 months. Nothing could ever replace the love and companionship we had. It is totally like a very cruel cosmic joke that has been played on me. I wake up each morning and for just a minute don't fully realize that he is gone. Then I so realize it. Horrible horrible feeling. We didn't have children, and somehow it feels like I have even less of a reason to go on. But I do not let that feeling take over. I get what you said about not caring if the house is all cleaned and in order. Just paying the bills can be a challenge. Vent all you want. Hugs to you.

Dear Wendi, losing concentration in grief is very normal. It is happening to me. My job requires me to stay on one thing (writing reports for example) for at least a few hours but I simply cannot do it. So I break my work into pieces. I am at 4 months, and I find I am better now. Do what you can. Sometimes doing nothing is just fine. Take care of your body and mind first, then little by little you find your concentration will come back. Tiger

We're all experiencing the same thing. I haven't been able to focus in 11 months. I used to be a voracious reader, now I can barely read the newspaper.
I hope I can recover my concentration at some point.

npc4204, I know exactly what you mean about not being able to read anymore. Reading used to be my escape from real life for a few hours and how I wish I could do that once again. At 14 months my concentration is a tad better but not much. I certainly hope that it will improve in time.
Darlene

I make a list every week. Not only on the calendar, but also on a legal size paper that I can glance at each day. Monday through Sunday events of where I am going each day. Also add things that need to get done or people's birthdays, etc. It seems to work and haven't missed anything - yet. No one knocking on my door to help with house/yard so I make it a priority to keep it all going, fixed, cleaned, mowed, car washed. My biggest concern is if health fails what to do at that point.

Seems I can only concentrate on my grief.....mind wanders all over the place. Tried reading but again, my mind is elsewhere.

I have all but given up on his friends words of "let us know when you need something"......what a joke.

My oldest son does keep the yard cut for me, but there is so much that needs to be done here and I don't have the desire or the money to make that happen.

And in many ways, I want things left as they were when Ben was here, not change thing.

Sigh.....when does this horror that has become my life stop?

vent, vent, vent. I caught your remark about tv. I had to chuckle. When my husband was alive but not well enough to do much, we watched so much tv I was so bored with it, but wanted to spend time with him. But, I did tell him, as soon as you are well enough, we are going to do other things at night - even just walk in the park or out to the supermarket, I don't care what, just not night after night in front of the tv. And now, yes I use it to distract myself - way too much. I'm just so exhausted all the time and don't have the energy for other things. I have to push through I know and I'll get there, and I have actually picked up a book, now to see if I have the focus to finish it.

When we have the love, that we've all had all these years with our beloved one. I think it's much harder than a couple that has never experienced that love & devotion. That's why it so hard because no matter what your thinking/seeing/reading they are part of us.

I like to go antiquing and it was always so much fun to come home to show him what deal I had found... Now there is No joy. I just wish there is a easy answer to the Void in my heart, but there isn't, so you just go on, as hard as it is.....

I so agree with everyone. There's no one at home to share your "stuff" with!

It was so much fun to come home and surprise Morey with my latest find at a the swap meet or garage sale. Or, just share my day with him.

I hear you all and am with you in every way!

Wow! We're all more alike than we are different!

Roz

I'm at 10 months and thought my concentration was back, but stupid elementary mistake at work taught me I am not back at full speed at all. I never would have made this stupid mistake normally on an item that would normally be second nature. Didn't harm anyone or change anything, just got called out on it in a very negative way and felt really crushed by it because I knew better. Back to checklists I guess for me for awhile.