Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
It's definitely been a challenging year thus far. First in March my wife Stephanie went into the hospital. Two months of ups-and-downs ended early in the morning of May 15, when she lost her battle with a previously undetected aortic dissection.
Then during the first week of July, I came down with a nasty case of infectious colitis, and I nearly bled to death before I felt bad enough to stubbornly go to the hospital. That cost me five days in the hospital, and has forced me to remain on a very restricted diet for the foreseeable future.
Tomorrow my 74 year-old mother is having her right shoulder replaced. She's never had surgery for anything before, and I sense she feels anxiety coming from me. I have every right to feel that way; I just don't want to get her upset as even though these two procedures are so very different from each other, I can't help but draw parallels from my most recent experience.
I don't expect anything to go wrong Wednesday, but neither did I expect anything to proceed unexpectedly with my wife's surgery. And she is no longer with me anymore.
This one HAS to go right. I don't know if I have the physical or mental strength to another. If you're able to take a minute, say a little prayer for my mother Darlene that she has an uneventful, and successful experience. And if you've got a little prayer left over, say one for her soon-to-be caregivers, my father, younger brother, and myself.
I'll let you know how everything turns out Wednesday afternoon.
Please God stand beside and watch over your skilled surgeons as they demonstrate talents provided by you in order to heal and comfort those amongst us with illness and infirmary.
Then during the first week of July, I came down with a nasty case of infectious colitis, and I nearly bled to death before I felt bad enough to stubbornly go to the hospital. That cost me five days in the hospital, and has forced me to remain on a very restricted diet for the foreseeable future.
Tomorrow my 74 year-old mother is having her right shoulder replaced. She's never had surgery for anything before, and I sense she feels anxiety coming from me. I have every right to feel that way; I just don't want to get her upset as even though these two procedures are so very different from each other, I can't help but draw parallels from my most recent experience.
I don't expect anything to go wrong Wednesday, but neither did I expect anything to proceed unexpectedly with my wife's surgery. And she is no longer with me anymore.
This one HAS to go right. I don't know if I have the physical or mental strength to another. If you're able to take a minute, say a little prayer for my mother Darlene that she has an uneventful, and successful experience. And if you've got a little prayer left over, say one for her soon-to-be caregivers, my father, younger brother, and myself.
I'll let you know how everything turns out Wednesday afternoon.
Please God stand beside and watch over your skilled surgeons as they demonstrate talents provided by you in order to heal and comfort those amongst us with illness and infirmary.
God bless . . .
Hugs, Sandi
Take care of yourself and be kind to you.
Hugs
Cindy
Prayers for your family,
Doye
Laurie
Prayers for your mom. I hope the surgery went well and she is on the road to recovery. Please keep us posted.
By the way, check out www.ccfa.org (Crohns and Colitis Foundation) for colitis support. They have wonderful webinars and info on there. You may already know about it, but thought I'd mention it just in case. Good info and ideas for foods to eat, etc. My daughter has Crohns, and this website has been a huge wealth of info for us.
Again...please update us about your mom when you can.
Lori
Here's an update on my mom. Her surgery lasted a little under two hours, and was a complete success! She spent last night in the hospital, and will again tonight. She has been a bit nauseated, and they want to make sure she can get up and move around while still managing the pain. She hurts, but she won't hit the button on the pain pump enough. She wants to "ride it out" with as little meds as possible. I and the staff told her to use it, get ahead of the pain and keep ahead, and you'll use less med overall.
I myself probably won't feel completely comfortable until she has been home for a week or so, as this was the point in the process when my wife's recovery began to go horribly wrong. It has been difficult reliving that event all over again, but mom has been supporting ME, with her positive attitude and assurance that she wasn't planning on going anywhere any time soon.
We had a nice visit, and she told me she still cries daily for my Stephanie, as my wife was the daughter she never had. I sometimes forget I'm not the only affected by her passing. I told her about my new DS friends, and just how many people from all over everywhere were praying for her, and that got her crying again, but these were the "good" tears
I offer so much thanks to everyone who helped us along with prayers, hugs, and encouraging words. I am so grateful to have found all of you who are going through this same grieving process, and offer to help so many with your wisdom or unconditional love. This isn't the club anyone voluntarily wants to join, but it's also a club where once a member, nobody wants to leave.
-Steve