Just found this site tonight, so thankful to hear from others going thru the same thing. We were married 47.5 years. My husband had left me two notes which helped some. He died in my arms at home with hospice. He was sick all summer so I got used to going to a lot of things alone, however the loss is at times is awful, tears come and go. I am busy, great support and run a business so that helps. I told him it was okay to go ahead and go, I lied. I am not okay. One good thing about an illness is that you get prepared somewhat to lose them plus you have a chance to say everything you want to them. I got thru Thanksgiving only tearing up once, am dreading Christmas. I try to stay strong for the family, but its difficult. I am reading a book "Travel Guide to Heaven" which is helping a lot. I had read it before when I lost my mother. I want to feel his presence and have thought I did, praying for more. Right after he died, our 27 year old horse died. Been a rough year. Someone told me grab a grandchild which I do and it helps. I have the last message he left me on the phone, that is rough. God bless.