It sometimes is hard to really feel good about what you have. To be happy and content. It's what we are all working towards, but sometimes don't allow ourselves to. I go through the same thing you are talking about. I think about what a great day I had, but then remember I have no one to tell that to. I will enjoy my time with my son, then I will remember that he will never know his dad. It goes on and on. It's a tough feeling when you realize you can have happy times without your spouse. That you CAN live without them, you just don't WANT to. Hope you get to having some good days without feeling guilty. We all deserve that. Hugs lisa

Being happy doesn't mean you don't miss your husband. My dating doesn't mean I no longer love or miss Don. In fact, being happy honors them. We have a wonderful opportunity now to take that joy and happiness that we felt with them and share it with those who never had a chance for happiness. I practice looking here at DS members and think how I have less stress than a lot of them. I'm sure you have thought it too. I went through the pain and heartache. I wished God would just take me too. I searched for life and the meaning of it. I questioned every word and deed that I did and even the ones I thought I should have done. The bottom line is we do the best we can with what we have. We lived that way consciencely or unconsciencely,

Your spouse impacted your life and if it was like me you're a better person for having him/her in your life. That's a precious gift. Don't waste it. Invest it in the future and see how it returns to you tenfold.

I've been there and these words may not make sense right now. But I hope you find a few of them to be true to you. Sharon

Shrn you said it all and quite beautifully. Kathy

For me it is like two railway tracks. I am travelling more [and safely] on the outer track, and then I realise I am, and wobble, or crash back.
My grief and my memories are always there beside me, but just like my Dad pushed me off the trainers and back onto two wheels, encouraging me that I could do it, I feel like I can 'hear' my husband saying to me, I am here, I know you love me and I love you too - now I want you to get back out there and be happy - you can do it!

Aside from worrying about my future and having to find a job or some means as a way of income sometime, I am finding that I have settled well being alone and have many happy/content moments. Awhile ago, I had a very graphic dream that Brian came back and the next thing he had the remote and then was fast asleep on the couch etc etc. I can remember feeling quite put out and WTF!!!!!!! I was confused about my reaction in the dream when I woke up and after thinking about it, I think it meant that I am moving on and my house is my space now. Don't get me wrong - of course I would rather have Brian here channel hopping and sleeping on the couch anyday - I think it just means that I am comfortable with my space now. Gail

Gail, your dream gave you clarity. You're right. I guess I am moving on. I just hate that it has to be done. The fact is I'm lovin' my space. I'm enjoying that there is no longer clutter, that everything has a place. Having a place for everything has always been a problem. DH--God knows I miss that man-- but he kept everything. The place was cluttered with so much stuff and no place to put it. I'd give anything to have him back, but I don't miss the clultter at all. It makes me feel so guilty, but it's true.

I agree with Sharon. The other thing is that the stages of grief aren't linear - you go back and forth through them and the same stuff will pop up over and over again, so it's not unusual to experience guilt again, and it's a common occurrence to feel guilty for being happy - even if it's just for 5 minutes.

Love and Hugs, Martha