Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Judymc04 08/10/2011

So... think I'm either a little crazy, obsessed,or both but I'm sure Bill is connecting to me through a hummingbird that visits our feeder on a VERY regular basis. Before Bill died, we would always have our dinner on our 3 season back porch and watch for the hummingbird. Bill loved watching him come and hover around. A couple of days after he died, I put the feeder up and about 5 minutes later, a bird came to feed. This was about 11:00 am and although I had never paid too much attention to it before, I couldn't recall seeing it that early. From there on, he would visit almost everytime I'd be out there. So, here's where the craziness comes in. It seemed he would come around at my worse times, hover, eat and fly off. I had a wedding to attend shortly after he died that we were both looking forward to very much, but under the circumstances, I did not want to go. So, out loud, I said "honey, if you want me to go, send the hummingbird within 10 minutes. Well, 5 minutes later, there he was. SInce then, it seems he shows up at least once every time I'm out there. On more than one occasion, I've set timelines and asked him to send the bird if he was watching over me, if he was happy, if he wanted me to be happy, etc. and each time, the bird appeared within the time I set. Sunday night, I got home around 8:30 and figured since it was so late and storming, I wouldn't see him...well, guess what...he showed up and flitted around, like he was putting on a show for me to cheer me up and he came back about 5 times in about a 20 minute period even though it was lightening, thundering, raining, and windy. I've seen him as late as 9:15. I'm starting to worry about myself for putting so much faith in this being my connection to him & God.

Has anyone else had anything like this happen or am I losing my mind and reading too much into this?

heartsick1 08/10/2011

I don't think you are crazy, I think you are lucky! I would give anything to be having the same sort of experience, just some sort of sign.

Judymc04 08/10/2011

It's just happened too many times to ignore it. At first I thought it was just coincidence but then I noticed it happening more and more when I'd talk to him and ask questions. About 5 minutes ago, I was talking to him again and asking if he was happy and if he wanted me to be happy. Again, I said out loud, send the bird back if you're happy and wont' take it as I'm forgetting you if I try to find my happy place. Well, about a minute later, there he was. He not only comes to feed but many times will hover right in front of the window as if making sure I see him. It's crazy!

cleodoggie 08/10/2011

I was told once by a psychic if you think it's a sign then it is...Your grief is so new it's hard to make sense of life.and no you are not crazy. So I say yes this could very well be a sign from your husband. At the beginning of my grief I took everything as a sign....and over 2 years later I still do.. It makes me happy to do so.

michaelbmanning 08/10/2011

I have not felt Mike comes in the form of anything other than himself. There is a large window in the front of the office and when I am sitting at my desk I catch the glimpse of Mike passing in front of the window. This has happened several tines. Each time I see this red t-shirt. I am begining to wonder why he doesn't change his clothes.

As for hummingbirds...pesty as they are..there is one that has lived in the post office all summer. Someone needs to get him out.

Maggie

widowhoodsucks 08/10/2011

No, I don't think you're crazy. My husband loved to watch the hummingbirds. Since his death, I have had the hummers fly right up to my face. The other day,I opened the door and a hummer flew right to the storm door meeting me at eye level. Sometimes I think it's a sign from Mike.

wendywillow 08/10/2011

I totally agree. It's a sign all right! For me it was butterflies. One would come to the back deck and sit on the back of David's chair, so still, so serene until I noticed it. It was always when I was crying and upset. Butterflies always appeared whenever I went away and asked David for a sign. Sure enough, I'd see a buttefly.

There was a hummingbird that hovered over David's head a few days before he entered the hospital, never to come home again. We were sitting on our deck and usually the hummers just come to the feeder, but this one really came up close to David. I really felt at that time it was saying goodby.

And the winter birds did not come to my feeder all last year. My husband died a year ago and that first winter there were no birds at all. I changed the food, cleaned the feeders - not one bird. David loved to sit and watch them through the window. I happened to mention this to my family doctor and she told me another of her patients had the same experience. That first winter after her husband had passed away, there were no birds at the feeders. The following winter they were back. It was as if our husbands took the birds with them.

Lininsocal 08/10/2011

Hummingbirds is something we share. My husband was in charge of the feeder and we both enjoyed the hummingbirds that flew in to drink. Each time I see them now it reminds me of my husband and I make the connection. We can interpet whatever if it touches our heart as a sign....
Linda

deleted_user 08/10/2011

Absolutely. I also have a hummingbird that shows up at the perfect times---and he sits on the decorative iron plant holder that the feeder hangs from and stares at me, then he will fly to the window and hover as if he is watching me as much as I'm watching him. Steve loved hummingbirds and we watched them together often. I can't help but feel this little bird is there for my benefit--a message that he is watching out for me even though he is gone from here.

deleted_user 08/10/2011

I have a lttle humming bird that is coming around. Actually today it brought a little mate with it. But its not eating from my feeder, it goes to my flowers. I am wondering where you placed your feeders? I put mine at the front of my carport, near the top, its hanging from a small hook.....they dont seem interested. Maybe I have it in the wrong place. Debbie :)

Judymc04 08/10/2011

Debbie, mine is hanging in the back under the overhang of our back porch roof. There have been a couple of them in the last couple of days but as I told my brother, I think Bill is the orange one as he's the most dominant. Whenever the other two come around, he chases them away. Do you buy the nectar or make it? I've found he prefers the homemade to the store bought. 4 cups of water to 1 cup of sugar. Boil, cool, serve!

anniewho 08/10/2011

Larry and I also really enjoyed the hummies at my son Rich's house. We have 4 feeders on the front porch with the homemade nectar. We have a continuous flow of them. There are probably 10 to 15 of them. We could see them from our bedroom window first thing every morning. One of the last things Larry said before he died, was "How are the Hummies?" He loved them. We stayed at our son's home the last months of Larry's life because it was closer to the hospital. I am still here, and so are the hummies. Sometimes I think he is giving me a sign through them also. It is comforting.

Annie

gone2soon 08/10/2011

You are not crazy. I think its wonderful that you are having these experiences. Maggie that was funny about Mike changing his clothes. I had to chuckle. Everytime I go visit Melvin I have this warm feeling at the back of my neck. It has never failed. The first time I went after the stone was laid I was really sad and it was a really cloudy day. I prayed and asked for a sign if he and God were with me. Suddenly the sun came out so bright and shined directly down on me and I experienced that warmth. Then it went back to being cloudy.

deleted_user 08/11/2011

I hav ea connection to doves with my loved ones. They say doves fly in pairs, I will see three of them. Bill, my sister and my nephew. I miss them all so much, seeing the birds gives me strength. I also have hummingbirds, I just love them. I agree if you feel it is a sign then it is. Whatever makes you function is what is important. Hugs Denise

deleted_user 08/11/2011

You are not crazy! I saw the name of this post and had to check it out! My sister passed away about 5 years now. She loved hummingbirds and had put a feeder as well. We always say oh look there is Roni coming for a visit! We say it is her because sometimes a hummingbird comes by and just hovers near by. We were at a restaurant and one came to the window and was just hovering looking in. My family and I believe it is a sign.

Sharon91 08/11/2011

our special bird was the dove,after Daniel passed away i would sit on the deck alone crying wishing for a sign from him.
the dove started cooing,i know he was telling me he was with me.
after i moved i hoped the dove would still be with me,and it was.
on our annv i was sitting at the dining room table crying missing him so much.i looked out & the dove was sitting on the fence looking in the patio door at me.i can not put in words what it meant to know he was there with me on our special day.
so no you are not crazy
hugs

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