Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
It's been a while since I've posted.There have been so many of us who were posting I didn't want to add to the pain. But tonight I had to write out my pain.Today my memory of the worst day of my life was given back to me. Until today, I couldn't remember any of these details once they put him on the other boat.
I lost my darling husband of 41 years while we were on vacation in Hawaii, 4 and 1/2 months ago.We were snorkeling and he was pulled out of the water unconscious. They put him on the closest boat and headed for the nearest medical facility. I was not able to be on that boat with him....I was not able to hold his hand and tell him I loved him...I was not able to give him one last kiss.
That is when my memory stopped. Until today, I didn't know how that horrible day played out. Our friends found me on our boat, frozen, in shock. They, along with a nurse who was on our boat,, sat me down and just held me close until we got to our marina. The captain somehow got me off the boat ahead of everyone else and the owner of the boat was there with the police. They told me that i was consumed with the thought that I had to find his sandals...he was going to need his sandals...I clutched them to my chest like a life jacket. I had to talk to the police and then we made the long drive to the medical facility and we were told to go into a side room. My friends told me that I made a moaning sound, as if I knew that I had lost him. The doctor came into the room and started to talk ...I held up my hand and stopped him, saying "my husband....?". He said "i'm so sorry." Then I was allowed to go in to see him. My friends held me up on either side and we walked into the dark , ugly room that held my husbands body. I now remember collapsing on his chest and begging him to wake up. The impossible had happened and I just couldn't believe it.....this type of thing happened to other people. Not us. I now remember the words I said to him. I remember those last moment with my love.
They had intubated him and wouldn't take the tube out because the coroner had to see it, so I couldn't even give him one last kiss on his lips. Then the coroner took him away and life as I knew it ended. All this came to light because I finally needed to know and my friends who were with us, who had walked every step of the way with me, told me as kindly as they could.
I'm sorry for the ramble, but I had to put the shortened version down. Somehow, seeing it in writing helps my head and heart start to believe it...to try and get my arms around the reality of what happened. Thanks for listening....for understanding.
4 and 1/2 months without hearing his voice, without feeling his touch,....the worst thing about grief is that it actually does not kill you!
Sending prayers for all of us who are hurting,
BLessings,
Sharon
I lost my darling husband of 41 years while we were on vacation in Hawaii, 4 and 1/2 months ago.We were snorkeling and he was pulled out of the water unconscious. They put him on the closest boat and headed for the nearest medical facility. I was not able to be on that boat with him....I was not able to hold his hand and tell him I loved him...I was not able to give him one last kiss.
That is when my memory stopped. Until today, I didn't know how that horrible day played out. Our friends found me on our boat, frozen, in shock. They, along with a nurse who was on our boat,, sat me down and just held me close until we got to our marina. The captain somehow got me off the boat ahead of everyone else and the owner of the boat was there with the police. They told me that i was consumed with the thought that I had to find his sandals...he was going to need his sandals...I clutched them to my chest like a life jacket. I had to talk to the police and then we made the long drive to the medical facility and we were told to go into a side room. My friends told me that I made a moaning sound, as if I knew that I had lost him. The doctor came into the room and started to talk ...I held up my hand and stopped him, saying "my husband....?". He said "i'm so sorry." Then I was allowed to go in to see him. My friends held me up on either side and we walked into the dark , ugly room that held my husbands body. I now remember collapsing on his chest and begging him to wake up. The impossible had happened and I just couldn't believe it.....this type of thing happened to other people. Not us. I now remember the words I said to him. I remember those last moment with my love.
They had intubated him and wouldn't take the tube out because the coroner had to see it, so I couldn't even give him one last kiss on his lips. Then the coroner took him away and life as I knew it ended. All this came to light because I finally needed to know and my friends who were with us, who had walked every step of the way with me, told me as kindly as they could.
I'm sorry for the ramble, but I had to put the shortened version down. Somehow, seeing it in writing helps my head and heart start to believe it...to try and get my arms around the reality of what happened. Thanks for listening....for understanding.
4 and 1/2 months without hearing his voice, without feeling his touch,....the worst thing about grief is that it actually does not kill you!
Sending prayers for all of us who are hurting,
BLessings,
Sharon
I am so, so sorry you are in such pain. But, you already are getting better because you came to the right place to share your grief: here. Neither I nor anyone can make you better, nor take away your agony. However, we can and will and do listen and empathize with every fiber of our beings.
Death is just plain horrible. We all know that it will happen but when it does, it brings us to our knees and takes away our desire to live. It torments us and makes us bleed as badly as if we had been shot by a cannon. It destroys our spouses and half of us.
I want to share with you that I was at the point where you are tonight - and not long ago. I was certain I would never again smile or laugh or keep those horrible last-hours tapes from running over and over in my head. My Sweet Darrell died on Valentine's Day 2012, so I have just passed the one-year mark. I still think of him and talk to him, but I no longer have the entire meltdowns I once had. My tears are now those that fond memories raise. And, I smile and laugh - and it feels SO GOOD! I guarantee, Sharon, that you will do so, too. How long that takes, I'm afraid I cannot guarantee. Just believe that one day it will happen, okay?
May you find peace...
Hugs,
Terry
Reading your post brought back the shock of seeing my wifes car upside in the water and watching as they removed her body and put it in the ambulance. A memory like that will always bring pain. I just hope it's less as time passes. I am so sorry for your loss and what you had to go through.
Martin
Wanda
Blessings,
Sharon