Oh ???anyone had some husband doing this?
Seriously would like to kick his ass but rural family community dynamics....I get a boyfriend for a few hrs

Wow, he is nervy isn't he---I'm glad you can laugh about it--sounds like you are handling it well--not everyone would be able to laugh it off and refrain from putting a fist in his nose (or elsewhere lol). I haven't had any real serous issues but did have one particular medical professional at the hospital where I work start showing up at my window every time I turned around---for stupid stuff--asking financial questions he had to already know the answer to--it was pretty obvious he was trying to "read" me--to see what my reactions were--kind of flirty--yuck. I don't believe he had any interest in me --I think he just knew I was recently widowed and thought perhaps this was an "easy mark" maybe? This particular guy dates younger nurses and such all the time--why they date him I can't imagine except maybe for his paycheck??? I'm 58--not young, not slim and trim or gorgeous--just not the type he dates. He's kind of creepy to me. I tried to convince myself at first I was imagining it. At any rate it became obvious after a couple of weeks that he was checking out my reaction to him--I really think he thought "new widow--oh yeah, she's lonely and desperate, this will be an easy conquest" NOT. I finally told him one day that I was giving him the same answer to the same question he asked yesterday--the answer hadn't changed. I think he got the idea---he hasn't been back. Maybe I over reacted---but it gave me the willies--just wanted him to go away. LOL

that gave me a chuckle. hope it works out with the new boyfriend.LOL
My husband told me once in our many talks that he thought there would be many preying on me when he was gone. my first reaction was "Why would they be PRAYING(not preying) on me?" He had to explain the word he used, when I didnt get it at first. (i'm Blond) lol
I think you handled it well and good for you.

Brenda

Nicker,
I love the way you have handled this!!

Yes, I have had an old boyfriend (D) call me several times. He is ALSO married!! I always ask him about his wife, etc. He answers, and then we move on to something else. I think, at first, he really was calling to check on me. He also finished school with my husband and we saw him at the reunions ~ and he ALWAYS had to hug and kiss me (on the cheek ~~ I made sure). He knew that Joe was a little jealous of us~~which is rather funny, because Joe wasn't the jealous type ~~ except with him. Joe never acted as though he was jealous around him though. I think D just wanted to see if he was! D always would ask Joe if he could dance with his lovely wife, etc. and, of course, Joe would smile and say yes. Then, Joe would tease me about dancing with my old "love". (we dated when I was 16) LOL.

He called me several times, but, I kept it light and breezy. He gave me his phone numbers, but, nope, I've not, and don't plan to use them. Joe's class had a reunion in 2009 and they invited me. I just couldn't make myself go! W/O Joe there, it didn't feel right. Well, D called me not long after the Reunion and told me how much they/he missed having Joe and me there. He told me that if he had known I wasn't coming ~ he would have come by and gotten me. Oh, Lord! I don't think so!! Then, he swears, the next time they have a Reunion that he WILL come by and take me, so I better be ready! HA! Evidently, he has forgotten who he is dealing with.....LOL. Of course, if his wife is with him, I might go......but only IF. We have been friends for a long time.

Let us know how your new "boyfriend" and other friend work out together. ;-)

Hugs, Joely

Thanks for the chuckle...actually LOL!!! to you and all of the replys (especially the PREY/PRAY comment). Love how you handled this.

It has absolutely amazed me what comes out of the woodwork when a "widda woman" is around. My husband and I owned a cabin rental business, and a lot of our customers were guys coming to the area to fish, ride ATVs, hunt, etc., some married, some single. Initially I recieved lots of condolence hugs and phone calls, but after 8 months some were still insisting on hugs and phone calls (funny they didn't do that when my husband was around). Some of it was just weird and creepy!! When I sold the place I didn't leave a forwarding # or address for the customers, but some managed to find me. Finally I just got rude and sometimes even crude and put a stop to it...some much for political correctness.

Good luck to you...keep us up to date.
Cathy

That is just plain old creepy. I want to kick his butt too. So totally wrong. Being a guy I might have a different view of things. I am glad you are the better person in this situation. I don't think I would be. I know I would never and did never act like that. I can't even bring myself to look at another woman now. Still devoted to my sweetheart. Guess maybe I am a dying breed.

Karl

Sounds like a classic case of someone preying on the vulnerability of a widowed woman under the guise of "let me help you". I hope your charade boyfriend does the trick...if not then perhaps being up front with him would be the next best way to handle it.."I appreciate your offers of help..etc...BUT I feel it is not appropriate as you are married."
Actually, people could be suspicious of you...
Sad to think an old friend of the family couldn't just be Mr. Nice-guy and help with some of the things without ulterior motives..
Good luck, will be interested in how this all turns out....

Call his wife and sweetly invite them both over for dinner to thank him for all his help. Craftily make sure she knows about all his "contacts". Have your "boyfriend" there. The nerve of some people never fail to amaze me. I had an acquaintance of Bob's email me and tell me, "if it wasn't for Bob, I thought we would have always ended up together". I pretty much told him "fat chance o'that ever happening" and I haven't heard from his since.

Ms Nicker...there will come a time when you get tired of making excuses not to be around this man. He sounds like a dirty old man to me. I think you need to be straight with him and just tell him you are not comfortabe with another man at this time...but you do value his friendship...and his wife's as well. Make sure you throw that in so he will get the message that you are wise to him.

As for me having some one of Mike's friends hit on me....5 kids would scare the crap out of most men and Mike's friends are mostly single.

Maggie

I think your idea is a good one. I wouldn't want anyone doing anything for me with strings attatched. I think when we suspect someone's intentions-we are probably right.

I had a neighbor (who had lost his wife the year before) continually bugging me--doing things like bringing up my trash can, newspaper, shoveling snow etc. No matter who I was talking to outside--even friends--he would come over and try to join the conversation. This could also be people I was hiring to work for me-anyone! When he heard my garage open, he came outside immediately and tried looking like he was doing something. At first, I thought he was just trying to be nice but then I got that creepy feeling. I had to be almost cold to him and he would do some little retalitory things but I acted like I didn't notice.

When someone does something and you are unclear of their intentions, the only thing we can do is let them know we are not interested. You are doing the right thing here. You may even want to take it one step further and make it look like your boyfriend has just moved in and if he has a big dog by any chance, bring him along too. That should clarify things.

Thanks for your comments. BOY its true this is creepy & I know he is just trying to get somewhere just because I am a widow. That just frys me to think he thinks of me that way.

I honestly never thought of someone being this way - and this is the first time its happened. None of my many rural neighbor guys who help me, old friends otherwise etc have even been anything but helpful friends. Disgusting as it is - I will certainly frankly end it if my "new boyfriend" does not help - Some sore privates may be needed....I wear sharp toed cowboy boots when needed....