Insecure-

I have that feeling everyday. It's been almost 2 months for me, and while I can go through the day to day, put on a smaile for my clients, and do all the legal stuff that has to be done, at night, I cry EVERY night. I wait until I think my kids (grown) are not where they can hear me. I cry because I feel a part of me has been lost. I think it will always be that way. BUT I think that Because they loved us, we HAVE to go on and try and see the beauty in life. As HARD as it is, I think they would want us to so THEY can see it through OUR EYES. does that make sense? Everytime I see my stepchildren, I have such feelings of Joy and also SORROW at the same time! They remind me of a happier time, when we'd all laugh around the table, and now when they come...we still manage to laugh, and I look to my right, and the chair he sat in.....no one there. I hold on until they leave, and then I BREAK! Our two kids here, try and make it better for me, and I let them think they do. I's HARD to pretend you have a smile when you don't feel like "smiling", but hopefully we are loving them even more by what we do for and with the family that's left behind. Try and get some of that joy. That way, he smiles with you! I have to believe that. It's what gets me through these days! Love, and hugs to you to hope you feel better! Moohnflyer

You say there was "no you" 'till your hauband came alone. This is not true. There was a you that he fell in love with. You were sombeody, and you still are somebody. Please embrace you; the you that complimented him. Blessings

Maggie

Ahh, Moonflyer, your name belies your insecurity. You can do all things...
and I can too. It breaks my heart that it will have to be without him.
Jean

Insecure, you cannot be "nothing", for you are still carrying a big part of him with you, therefore you would never want to be nothing. With the pain you feel, it means he must have really been "something", so keep that alive within you. Take care of you as he would have wanted. For now just one min at a time. Thoughts and prayers to you. I understand the feelings you have

I have to agree with Maggie, there always was a you. You may be a little different now without him, but you are still you. It is hard to find yourself again after losing someone so close, someone you made your whole life. You will find you again, it just takes time and work.

I agree that I found the best in me when I met him. I became a better, more caring and understanding person. He helped me become that. I'm sure that's the same way with you. Just remember who he helped you become and continute those things for him.

Insecure, you're not nothing. You said that your husband completed you. "Completed" as in past tense. He was a great part of your life,but when he left he left a whole woman--a woman who is something. When you think of him, think of how much he touched your life. What he did for you was not temporary. It is a testament to the life you had and the man that he was.

Tru

I think it is the most difficult part of losing a spouse. We aren't the same person we were when we met our spouses. For so long, we identified ourselves as "we". Now, we have to figure out who "I" is. It's a real challenge, one that will take some time.

I know for a long time, I made the decisions I thought my husband would have made. I don't know at what point, but I finally thought to myself, this is kind of silly, what do I want? The crazy thing is that we actually shared most of our decisions, but it was always "we". I think it is a transitional thing, but please don't begin by thinking of yourself as "nothing".Obviously, you were very special to him.

Why is this so tough I wonder trying to figure out what to do, where to go, what decisions to make stay here move there do this do that???
I think for some reason somedays it feels like its ok than next day boom you are so unsettled.
Its been almost 8 months for me, and for some reason I am having difficulty like its been just a few months ago, makes me mad at me for going backward but when I read others further out having some same feelings I try to remember its expected at times.
Not that it makes it easier but more understandable...BUT I SURE DO NOT LIKE IT. Wish it would be easier. I wish I had a better relationship with GOD.

For the longest time I felt as if my legs had been cut off after my husband died. He was just so much a part of me. Be very gentle with yourself. Gentle ((hugs)) Patricia