Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I;m not sure if I belong here but I was directed by some others...March 26th, I got a text that changed my world... I got a text from the son of someone I loved that he had a stroke. I flew literally across the US to be by his side. Our history is long and complicated, but he wanted to marry me, and he loved me, and I knew he needed me I stayed with him, talking when he could talk, and holding his hand when he couldn't talk. We thought he was going to be ok, until we knew he wasn't. On April 1st, he left us. I held his hand, I kissed his cheek, and he let go of my hand and was gone. My heart aches and nothing makes sense. I have felt grief before, but nothing like this. Nothing like the emptiness that swallows my heart. I go to work, I care for my family and friends, I go to counseling, and nothing seems to phase me. The nightmares, the anxiety, the tears, and the pain.. I know they are all part of the stages of grief, but I feel so alone in this journey. He believed in me when no one else did. How do you begin to believe in yourself? Now I find myself planning his memorial service and I wonder everyday, how I got here and how I go forward. My counselor suggested I connect with others who are grieving and knew what it was like to be a "spouse" even though we never got to officially "marry". I find the idea of making friends right now vulnerable and terrifying, but I'm here and I am hoping other will understand my fears and my grief.
Their are many things spouses will have to face that you won't but on an emotional level were pretty much in the same boat
There are moments, like today when I realize how often we talked and the simple things I shared with him.. how do you breathe and get through it.
Val
"letmehelpyou".. there was a husband and then things got complicated.. I feel in love again. Yes, legally I am still married to someone I care about, but it was Jerry who wanted to marry me now and was willing to give up everything to be with me... now I am not sure what will happen. I told him I couldnt, that he deserved someone with less baggage... now I wish I would have given him his wish.. made him happy while I could.
I know that I was lucky. He was able to talk those first two days I was there. He told me he loved me and I was truly his angel. He had a little one I had given him over a year ago when he moved out of state to work, it was still in his pocket. He said he never went anywhere without it. So I know he knew how very much I loved him. We got to say so much those 2 days. I thought they say that is supposed to make grief easier, to be able to say goodbye... but all I can do is think of all the things I would have said and done better... ways I could have given him more comfort. The last thing he said was I love you and asked me to kiss him... I kissed him goodbye and then he began to slip away. God this is hard.
Sorry for the ramble... wishing you all peace today.
My grief is still so overwhelming as he passed just under 4 months ago.
Just know that you were there for him in his last days and I hope in time that will give you some measure of comfort.
Please know that we care and do understand all of the emotions you are having.
Hugs
Jennifer
I'm very sorry for your loss and hope being here will give you comfort and understanding. Sharon
I am so sorry for your recent loss. It will help you to keep posting, here. We are here to support you through this extremely painful time,
Take care of yourself.....
Have a peaceful, Good night.
Sandra