Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

Not sure how to live

Leftbroken
Leftbroken

My counselor recommended this site. So here goes. I lost my fiance in January. We were together for almost 15 years. Since I was 18, still child. We have 3 kids. It wasn't always a good relationship. He suffered fromental illness. He had severe depression, he was bipolar, he had a form of schizophrenia, and a borderline personality disorder as well as an anxiety problem. It was rough. But I loved him. I gave so much of myself to support him. I worked 60 hours a week because he couldn't workt. I fought him to take his meds, I fought to get him to his Dr appointments. I physically stopped him from killing himself so many times. I begged people for help, but there wasn't any. I finally had to think of myself and our kids. I left him. And a few months later he killed himself. That was in January. I'm lost. He was always the one. I just wanted him to get help. The guilt and regret I feel is overwhelming. My 10 year old son is barely coping. I feel like giving up. I don't know how to function. The memories haunt me. The nightmares make sleep impossible. I don't want pity, I just need to know that I'm not alone. Has anyone lost a spouse to suicide? Where did you turn for help? How do make it through the day without feeling like your slowly dying on the inside?

lkjustensen
lkjustensen
My husband passed away last week from suicide. I have been desperately looking for support. I don't have any answers because so I'm feeling pretty miserable too, but just know how sorry I am and I can relate.
scottito
scottito
Some of us have the gift of being a helper. We do the best we know how to do to help someone, but ultimately, the choice is theirs to make. Thank God I've never had to deal directly with the suicide of someone I loved. The little I know about the subject is that the person has such internal pain that somehow ending their life is the only way to put an end to their pain. It blinds them to the impact it will have on those that love them. Suicide is a selfish act the result of a sickness in the mind that there be no other way to end the pain. I am so sorry. But it is not on you in any way shape or form. As much as you want to think there just had to have been something else you could have done, there was nothing. You did the right thing, choosing to protect yourself and your children. ~~~ Scottie
gregsbaby
gregsbaby
I've never lost anyone to suicide, however I've contemplated it to as I struggle with MDD/GAD (major depressive disorder/general anxiety disorder).

Please don't beat yourself up with guilt/regret as it wasn't your fault. It's a daily battle in a person's mind/brain as to keep trying to think positive and find the light at the end of the tunnel. He shouldn't have left your family as he did because now it's never going to be the same and I'm so sorry he did that to you guys. I have a 3 year old son and sometimes it's really overwhelming being a widow doing it all alone (no family/few friends), but then I look at him and I need him just as much as he needs me, even when he's driving me insane! Afterall he's the only thing I have left of my husband. My husband was murdered and if I killed myself our son would be broken for the rest of his life and I wouldn't want that.

Please look into getting family counseling because all of you are going to need it. Also in addition to family counseling find a psychiatrist so that you can see if you need meds (I take them). It doesn't mean you're "crazy" , you've been through a very traumatic experience and you're going to need all the help you can get.

Big big hugs to you!
ihatewisconsin
ihatewisconsin
Hey you, I kinda vanished for awhile. I just read your journal. Your husband was murdered? I've missed a lot.

Last I remember he was getting out of prison around when mine was, I think. Maybe I'm mixed up, but I swear he was. What happened?
ihatewisconsin
ihatewisconsin
Sorry. That was meant for gregsbaby
marc121
marc121
Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go, they merely determine where you start. If you're reading this... Congratulations, you're alive. If that's not something to smile about, then I don't know what is.
vwidow
vwidow
Like the last replier implied, you have to go from where you are...Try to stop blaming yourself for his outcome. He was responsible or other factors for himself. Try to build your life and the lives of your children up from here. Your love for him and God hopefully will be your strength..."If our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things."
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