Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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myloveforever
myloveforever
I',ve been on this site almost everyday, but I've been reluctant to write anything. My girl passed on Dec. 5th and I was hoping that I would have something good to write about. Unfortunately, nothing has changed.
So with your permission, or not, it's time to ramble.
When we were young I was the lead singer in a band. My girl was very quiet and subdued. I played on and managed three softball teams until I was 46, when I had quadruple bypass surgery. When I retired we opted to have the company take $300 dollars a month out of my retirement so she would be guaranteed my pension after I died. Seemed like a good bet. Quess that's why I've always hated gambling. Never thought she would go first!
Years ago I told my girl that I wanted the song "For You" by John Denver played at my funeral, I never thought I would play it at hers.
This is why I didn't want to write, my thoughts are all over the place. When someone does call I don't want to tell them how I really feel, so the conversations are very short. My brother called yesterday and he was the first human I spoke to in 4 days. I know I have to get better, but Karen was my life, and I am really lost without her. It was just the two of us for 43 years, and I still can't find a reason to want to go on!
i should have put this in my journal instead of here, but like everything else in my life, what's done is done.
I really do thank all of you on this site.
it gives me the chance to rant and rave, but I also know that you have been where I am now, and as stupid as I sound, you have been there.
Thanks,
Joe
krisfish52
krisfish52
Thank you for your thoughts...I lost my husband unexpectedly on 12/13/15. Today all I wanted was for someone to tell me I can make it through this....I send you hugs....kristen
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
Oh Joe, I am sorry for your loss. I know how you feel and it's not unusual. How could we consider acting "normal " when our world has collapsed?!! I lost my husband to lung cancer and was alone for the first time in my life. I'm glad you found us and hope you continue to share with us. Sharon
cgriff4ever
cgriff4ever
Joe, today marks exactly 11 months, since my sean passed away, in a horrific freak accident....Life is worth living and she wouldnt want you to give up. Trust me, the night I screamed at god, where was my sean, is there really a heaven, if there is F**** prove it. well since that time, Ive been being shown things, that I never thought possible. My husband, died and he taught me so very much. He taught me, that life is worth living, there are no do overs, there is no tuMy sean is gone forever, but his spirit lives on, within me and our girls. It will be hard, and you may go ack and forth with your feelings, I talk to myself and sean all the timbe, all is normal, and I dont feel stupid or weird about it anymore. I have good days, and bad ones. The 100 foot waves are becoming a little farther in between. I know you have to be hurting, and I;m so sorry your sufffering. You are not suffering alone, however. we are all here for you, you can rant, vent, ramble all you want, we have all been there, and some of us are also still struggling. May you have a more peaceful night tonight, and I hope that in time your pain get;s just a little less. Much love, and big hugs carla
carrie415
carrie415
Just keep going Joe,,,there will be a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise. I still get my days and moment at 10 months, but I push myself to get thru them. You are going to learn so much about yourself that will surprise you,,all good, it's worth waiting for. Just keep ranting and posting,,we are all listening. Carrie (originally from the BX) :)
deremusl
deremusl
You're right, Joe. We've all been there. And we're all here to help you. Come here often to talk, rant, vent. Don't worry about how you sound. Of course your thoughts are all over the place. At 2 months, you're in such pain and turmoil. You don't sound stupid at all. You sound like a man in pain writing from his heart. Just hold on, because it's a bumpy ride, and take one day at a time. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Linda
Lois11
Lois11
Joe So sorry for the loss of your dear Karen.
You are just at the beginning of this unwelcomed journey we are all taking here. Give yourself time to grieve.
I don't tell anyone but my daughter and my dear friend who lost her husband 8 months after I do. I talk about Ken with people even if they like it or not.
I love my sister dearly but at the 6 month mark she told me it was time to stop grieving and get on with life. Huh? Its going to be 5 years next month. I still grieve. Give yourself time Joe.
AfterMom
AfterMom
Joe, my loss was after 41 yrs married.
I also have difficulty with a reason and hope to go on.
We grew together, and became One.
the missing one is so painful.
I pray every day for Hope...beg for some- even a little.
HUGS to you.
B.
tim57
tim57
I hear you Joe. I lost my wife in August and it seems different now. I still hurt more than I ever have in my life. She was my life also. I also struggle with finding some reason to carry on. What helps is remembering conversations we would have over the years I would ask her what would I ever do if something happened to you. Her response was be happy she was back with her mother and not having to deal with the health issues she had and have a party. Needless to say I don't feel like having a party, I know in my heart she would want me to do whatever I had to stay healthy and find some happiness before it's my time to go home. Linda worked in a field where she faced people dying often so death wasn't such a stranger to her. I was very blessed to have had her in this life.
Peace, Tim
scottito
scottito
Joe, you've just got to keep riding the wave. You're going to go under a lot at first, but you will always come up for air, at first you will be spending way more time under the water than above it, and you will be gasping for air. But no matter what you do, the wave has you and is going to take you on a long ride. There is no controlling this wave of grief. The only thing I know for sure is that there is nothing any of us go through that is considered abnormal. So hang on my friend. That's all any of us can do until our wave drops us off when and where it decides. You are in the right place. ~~ Scottie
deleted_user
deleted_user
Joe, I'm so sorry that you lost Karen. We were the lucky one's Joe, we knew great love and we had it for a very long time.

Why it happens the way it does makes no sense to any of us. Morey was the health nut. When I was eating a Snickers he was chomping on celery. When I was smoking [back in the day] he was running the 1/2 mile. When I was cutting into a sirloin tip he was eating a salad......and, then he suddenly dies.....what the heck?

It will NEVER make any sense to any of us and it's really not ours to try and figure out. We are going to learn to LIVE each day.....LOVE as well we can......and LAUGH whenever something is so, so funny! I promise, you will laugh again.

Take care of you........

Roz
jeanatds
jeanatds
You don't sound stupid at all Joe. You are in deep mourning and it takes time to accept what has happened to you. You don't really find reasons to go on as much as you create them but I don't think you're in that place yet. Right now is a good time to see to your physical comfort as best you can. Sleep, eating well and exercise are a true challenge and if you can accomplish a little of that, pat yourself on the back.
Hugs,
Jean
ptorres
ptorres
Not stupid Joe, I am coming up on one year and like you it was just me and her. If not for great friends and family I would have become a hermit and actually was for the first few months.
There is no pain like the pain we feel losing the love of our lives. But I always feel the greater the love the greater the grief and grief is the price we pay for the deep loss of love we have all suffered.
Hang in there and you have probably heard this many times but it does get better. I have also said that I will never get over this but I will get through it and I hope the best for you. ~Pete
spikeraven
spikeraven
Joe,
Rant and rave all you want. I have no support but from my counselor for the loss of my husband and even though I don't post much I feel great support here. I never feel like I have to explain my feelings here. We all know what you are going though. Spike
deleted_user
deleted_user
Joe,
When you first called Karen your "girl", I was a bit dismayed. I haven't heard someone's wife called that since the 70's and then they were talking about their child. Being called someone's "girl" was lingering on an insult.

As I read more, I found the reference to be so endearing and even charming.

I must say I've NEVER been called someone's "girl!" Maybe Morey said and I just never heard it!

Roz
bookdragon
bookdragon
We are all walking the same path. Some of us have been on the path a bit longer, but we are all going through the same emotions and loss. I don't talk about Larry as much as i did, but he is still in my heart and i think about our lives together all the time. We are all here for each other so post as much as you need and we will all listen.
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