Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I lost my darling husband 3 1/2 months ago and find it very hard doing things without him.
In 2 weeks time I have a major event to attend my younger brother is getting married and as both our parents are dead he asked my sister and I to take their place at the top table.
It will be hard enough as it will be the first wedding I have attended
on my own in my entire life Bill has always been by my side .
Being at the top table means I will be seen by everyone and whilst I feel honoured to be asked to do this I am so scared that when they mention Bill in the speeches ( which I know they will ) I will break down in front of everybody.
I did consider asking them not to mention Bill in the speeches but it somehow would not feel right not to mention him as he was a very big part of all our lives..
I do not want to spoil their day in any way but cannot be sure that I will be able to control my tears.
Any advice from my DS friends on how to handle this situation would be greatly appreciated
ugs Pat
In 2 weeks time I have a major event to attend my younger brother is getting married and as both our parents are dead he asked my sister and I to take their place at the top table.
It will be hard enough as it will be the first wedding I have attended
on my own in my entire life Bill has always been by my side .
Being at the top table means I will be seen by everyone and whilst I feel honoured to be asked to do this I am so scared that when they mention Bill in the speeches ( which I know they will ) I will break down in front of everybody.
I did consider asking them not to mention Bill in the speeches but it somehow would not feel right not to mention him as he was a very big part of all our lives..
I do not want to spoil their day in any way but cannot be sure that I will be able to control my tears.
Any advice from my DS friends on how to handle this situation would be greatly appreciated
ugs Pat
I am at 16 weeks today and know if in the same situation I would cry, but I think that is okay. Would you want to miss hearing how much they all thought of Bill? Since they loved him, too, I don't think they will think any less of you for crying. And your brother is giving you an honor, too.
Julie
Anyone not understanding your tears this early in your loss...especially during such an emotional experience as your brothers wedding without your husband would have to be totally clueless.
Of course you are going to cry...it can't be helped...especially when you hear the songs...
Please hang in there and be especially kind to yourself. There's just no way around it all.
I'm sorry...sending you lots of hugs...
-Diana
Greg so wanted to be there, and was looking forward to it so much that I could not dissapoint his memory by not going. I DID however tell them all up front that I would most definitely CRY. and CRY I did. I excused myself when I had to really let go, and came back back to the table when I felt ready to.
Do what you feel is right for YOU always. i hope you do make it there. As much as it hurts, I remember seeing the promise of new love and life starting....couldn't help being happy about that at least and thinking to my own promise of life together day.
Hope that helps..HUGS of understanding Diane
i agree that crying would be acceptable. joy and pain are intense and it will be an occassion for both. it might deflate your anxiety about it if you were to talk about it beforehand with your brother and his soon to be wife. perhaps come up with a plan together. just knowing in advance that you will probably cry and putting it out there might take some of the pressure off.
If it gets too much for you, you can take a break and maybe go somewhere private??
I think you will be glad that your brother wanted you and your sister to be such a big part of his wedding and be there for him on this special day..........YOU CAN do it !!!................hugs