Dear Insecure, I am so very sorry for your loss and the way you feel. This is not easy -- the journey is long and hard. I lost my husband four months, three weeks ago and can't imagine nine years down the road. I am really glad you found this site. For me it has been a wonderful experience reading everyone's posts and starting my own with thoughts and then reading how everyone is handling/coping with their individual situations. Please do not be upset with me, but it's been nine years -- I know there is no date certain by which we will miraculously feel "cured" -- that will never happen, but have you been doing this alone for all of this time? Have you gotton support from someone? I hope so -- you need to be nice to yourself so that you can move forward and try to soothe some of the pain in your soul. Again, I hope you use this site as many do -- especially me -- to hear others unselfishly provide support as they themselves are struglling with their loss, is an overwhelmingly magnificant demonstration of love and pray from total strangers. As someoe put it, we are a cyberntic family. The best of luck to you in goig forward. LOL

Just read your profile. Eeeks! You are going through menopause too!! Life can be harsh at times. I was going through menopause when my DH was so sick. Thought my world was going to end. Finally I got over the hormonal ups and downs, but now hubby is gone.

Welcome to this group, but at the same time, I am sorry you are here. Like all of us - we'd rather not be.

Reaching out is a first step. Sending you love and blessings.

Hi Welcome to DS their are a lot of great people on this site that will help you as much as they can. Just reading some of the discussions that people post here can help very much.
Like you I have been a widow for a long time it has been 8 years in June, I don't cry anymore or anything but I still miss her and think about her a lot and I'm still pissed that she was taken from me just as we were getting to that age where our son was grown up and we were ready to start traveling and really enjoying life.
It doesn't matter if it's been 9 months or 9 years you really never get over it, and I'm afraid some people here are going to find that out in a few years. You might be lucky enough to start a new life but their is no time line when you stop missing your other half.
I still have never went out on a date with anyone yet but that's the choice I made that doesn't mean everyone will be that way.
I hope you find some peace in your life soon and start to feel better about life I know it's hard but you need to stop beating yourself up......Take care of yourself and try to be happy.....John

I am so sorry you are feeling this way after 9 yrs. Of course we all grieve on our own timeline but I can tell you that sharing and reading the posts from the friends on DS can give you lots of comfort. My husband died in Feb of this year and I have found it hard to go on. Even though I have great friends and family I still felt terribly alone. I thought I was the only one that had ever had a heart as broken as mine. Then I found DS. The best piece of advice I was given was to read all the discussions and replies and to post my own thoughts frequently. What I found was friends who had the same thoughts and feelings that I did. There are messages about everything. Everyone here is so caring and helpful. I am so glad you found this site. You can write whatever you need to in your journal. You can share it or keep it private. Sharing it has been a good experience for all of us. We don't feel so all alone. One thing I knew was that I wasn't ready to give the memory of him up. I felt that was what I needed to do. A DS friend posted a song called "I Will Not Say Goodbye" and after hearing it I realized I didn't have to let go of him altogether. I don't have to say goodbye. But we do have to live til it's our time to go and they will be waiting for us to get there. I'm sure your husband wouldn't want you to be this sad. Put everything you are feeling into words and share them. You will be surprised at how many people know exactly how you feel. They can help you heal and they truly care. My prayers will be with you that you can find some peace in your life. God bless you.

I am so sorry for your loss and glad you found DS. We all know here how agonizing it is to lose our loves.
It's been 32 months for me, so you are much further down this road than me. I have found that although the waves of grief still hit me sometimes that those episodes are further apart than they used to be, and do not last as long as before. Has this not happened for you?
Have you been to grief groups, or a private counselor? Have you read books by widows about this awful grief? I think all of these things help each of us. I know that they helped me.
No, I will never forget my husband, and I will always love him. But, I choose to try to find some kind of joy in my life now -- every day. Just little things, nothing big or awesome, can cause me to thank God for the day.
Have you talked to your dr about how you feel? Do you work or stay at home? Do you go out with friends, volunteer? Have a hobby? I KNOW that none of these will bring back your husband, but they might help your feelings.
I hope you can find some comfort reading discussions and journals, and doing your own journaling. Hugs, Joely

Dear Insecure,
welcome to DS, I am glad that you found us. I hope that you find peace, comfort, and compassion here. We are a bunch that gets it and understands what its like to lose a spouse.

Do you have a support system near you, from reading your profile you have a lot to handle in your life, besides losing a spouse.
We all work through grief in a different way, and on our own time frame. Be kind to yourself , reading the posts and knowing that others understand may help you along.

Hugs to you,
fishermansgirl

I am so sorry for your loss. You will find great comfort and support here. Peace to you today. Hugs, Dianne

I am so sorry for your loss but glad you decided to join our group. I am almost 21 months out from the loss of my husband, and am learning from people like you that even after years, it's still going to hurt. I hope you will find the support you need here, and remember that you can talk about anything you feel, ask any questions you like, and we all will try and help. I hope you will find some new interests and ways to enjoy life as much as possible while waiting to be re-united with your husband. It does take time, I am told, to find our new purpose in life and our "new normal". You are not alone. laurabp

I am sorry for your loss and the pain you are still feeling today. I wish I could give you some advice, but I am only 3 months into this horrible journey. I welcome you to this site and hope you can find some sort of comfort here. I know I have. It really does help to read what others are going through so you know you are not alone.

Thank you for your kind words, I am just so lost!