Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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TeamB
TeamB

On July 15th my husband committed suicide in our home. I found him. He reached out to the only person that was unable to show him love during his life, his father. He didn't reach out to anyone that would beg him not to. He told his dad not to let me find him. Happened anyway. I can't go home. I'm couch hopping at different friends houses. All the legal shit is overwhelming. Everyone needs me to answer questions and make decisions. I just want to crawl into a dark place and hide. I started therapy. Its nice to talk to someone. I can't talk to my family. They want to "make it better." There is no making this better. It just hurts. My husband was not depressed. He got a DWI while I was out of town. When he was released he went home and killed himself. He said didn't want to face the shame. He didn't give us a chance to love him through this. We would have. I'm still waiting to wake up from a terrible dream. I have to remind myself every morning why he isn't there and that he isn't coming back. I talk myself through what happened. I'm not sure what all to put in this post. Still trying to figure out how to function. Guess that means talking to strangers who get it. 

Deodarglow
Deodarglow
Hi TeamB, I am so very sorry for what happened and that you are having to go through this. I also found my husband on the floor of our home and there is nothing more shocking. In my case, he did not commit suicide, he probably had a pulmonary embolism due to late stage cancer. I know that feeling of wanting to hide. Please take the best care of yourself that you can minute by minute, hour by hour and one day at a time. Hugs to you.
TeamB
TeamB
Thank you for replying. It is the most unfathomable shock there is. Death is not pretty. I had never seen a dead person before. Well outside of a funeral. But that is very different. Its not the same. And when that person is the person you love well it feels like you are dead too.
avmom
avmom
My husband too died in our home. He was sick and I found him when I got back from the store. The guilt that I had in the beginning was overwhelming. I had to move on in my own way and the first thing was to sell my house. I just couldn't live there anymore. Take your time to grief, cry as much as you want and post as much as you can. It has been almost 6 months and I am doing better. My kids made it easier because I had to be strong for them. I am sure there were more issues he had that you didn't know of and in time you might find out, so just take it one day at a time. There are no quick fixes or right answers just time.
Wurldtravler
Wurldtravler
I am so horribly sorry for your loss. It's bad enough losing your husband. I lost mine too, but losing him to suicide is worse. I lost my 22 yr old daughter to suicide. It's something on a different plane. There is a group called SOS, Survivors of Suicide, that I urge you to contact. The survivors of living through a suicide of a loved one are a wonderful group who have lived through what you are going through.. This is something that doesn't get better with time. I tell people that I still grieve every day, but every day I find a way to get through the day. If you have children, please contact the Compassionate Friends who will help you and them move forward. That's the secret...moving forward. We can't look back and we can't stand still. We have to move forward for our own mental health and for the people on this earth who love us. We can't isolate ourselves or shut them out. You have to be able to talk about it...the sorrow, the anger, the sense of being deserted and the profound love we feel at the same time. Please turn to God for comfort. May God bless you and give you His shoulder to cry on.
TeamB
TeamB
You are right it is on a different plane. I'm sorry for the loss of your daughter and husband. It's an unreal feeling. We didn't have any children. We are both 27 and married almost a year. I'll check the SOS group out. Thank you
gregsbaby
gregsbaby
I'm so sorry for your loss :( My husband was murdered across the street from our apartment. I didn't see his body when it happened; I saw him when he was at the funeral home waiting to get all cleaned up and he still had some blood on his face. It was so painful when I kissed him good bye for the last time. It's been two years this past August 23rd and I'm still crying. We have a baby (who's 3 years old now) and I'm dreading the time when he's old enough for me to tell him what happened. Thank goodness for him or who knows where I'd be! Try to keep your head up, though some times will definitely be better than others. Big big hugs!