My condolences, 2 such losses in that span of time is a hard burden to bear. I lost my wife of 24 years just this past November, and my youngest sister in 2013.

You are so right, this is not supposed to happen. It makes no sense, and is the hardest thing we have to deal with. Please vent, this group is very good with advice and listening. they have been helpful to me in so many ways in the months i have now been here.

That is two huge losses in such a short time!!! I lost my mom 7 years ago and my husband in May 2014. Not having either one of them in my life has been very difficult. This grieving journey I am on has been the worst for me. The pain, numbness and loss feelings can be overwhelming. You have found a great site where we all get what you are going through. Come here often for comfort and advise. I am so sorry you are now a part of this group but it has been my saving grace. Hugs. Sue

Garmel,
So much sadness. I'm so sorry! It's enough to deal with the loss of your mate [and all the "stuff" that goes with it] but your mother too! Too much.

Take a deep breath and don't forget to breathe every day. Stop, think about it, and breathe!

When my Morey passed a year after my older brother, I thought I'd never be able to catch my breath again.

Stop and think of what's the most important thing you have to do RIGHT NOW? Get a legal pad and write down what you have to do.....the most important first and on down. You will get it all done, it will take some extra energy, some thoughtful moments and time!

You MUST eat and sleep. Our lives are turned inside out and upside down. Nothing makes any sense, nothing feels right, nothing smells or tastes good! It looks as if NOTHING will ever be the same for us again!

Slowly, ever so slowly and painfully life comes into view......Our life without the one's we loved and adored. Tears will come and flow and stay with us for what seems like forever.......let them come, they need to bathe us in the remembrance of days gone by!

We're here for you and each other. I wish you peaceful days ahead, you are NOT alone!.

Warmly,
Roz

Dearest Garmel . . I, too, am so sorry for your recent loss(es). That is a lot to handle in a short amount of time. You will find that there are others here that have been in similar time-line situations with dual or more loss within a year span. I don't know how one deals with this overwhelming grief, as I am simply trying to deal with my hubby's passing. You must be a strong woman to endure . . and you will.

A lot of great advice has already been posted here for you. I concur with all.

As for keeping things "running", you will most likely learn how to do a lot on your own (trial and error), as many of we widows have stepped up to the plate before you and are managing quite well. Don't dwell on the big picture too much right now. Baby steps will get you through.

Simply take each day, or moment as they come and don't overwhelm yourself with questions of "what if's" and "how' to's". Life can bring amazing angels to us to help in our time of need. Miracles abound. Have faith and hold on . . . . this journey is not an easy one, but we do survive it.

As always, hate to say "welcome to our group", however . . welcome. You've come to the right place to vent, share, ask for advice, feel listened to and heard. We are with you sister.

Warm hugs and healing thoughts to you . . . Dayna

I am praying for you that you will be strengthened, that you will borrow tomorrow's trouble, but you will live each day as it comes. I pray also for your comfort and peace that whatever you need, the Lord will supply. It is so hard to trust and believe that you will get through this, but you will, and you will be stronger. May God sustain you on your journey.

Sorry, that you will not borrow tomorrow's trouble.

I, too, was 50 when I became a widow. My parents and Cliff's parents had all preceded him, so when he died there was nobody left but me -- I became a single parent overnight and with no grandparents to back me up either. It wasn't supposed to be that way, so I agree with you and understand what you are going through at least to some degree. I became a widow and an orphan and a single parent. Not titles I ever thought I would have at 50!

But I came here to DS, and being here helped me survive all of that and rebuild my life. I hope being here helps you, too. I am one of the Community Leaders here now, along with my dear friends Sharon (Shrn) and Marsha (marjoe), and if we can be of any help, message us any time -- one of us is bound to be around or will be shortly.

I am sorry you need to be here, but glad you found us and decided to join us. Welcome.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Thanks for your words of encouragement. I am trying to slow my mind down, but I am a planner and this unknown and the grief is so hard for me. My losses started in March 2014 with my mom, July 2014 with my father in law and the most significant Jan 2015 with my beloved husband. His health was not the best, but his death was sudden and unexpected. He was only 52! I'm praying that God will send the right people in my life to help me make decisions. I have no kids, grandkids, and only one sibling. I am alone if this big old world and he had lots of stuff and hobbies that seems overwhelming as to how to take care of at this point.

I too was a planner and liked to have things under control. My husband's death was not planned and definitely was not under my control. In those first days/weeks you want to try to control everything because everything is so out of control. Because of this you try to control whatever small thing is possible to control.

My husband had SOOOO many different hobbies that also was a business on the side. We are talking years of amassing things and I would pick up a part and had no idea what it was for... animal, vegetable, or mineral??!!?? Talk about something that was out of control for me. You know what..... I took it one day at a time, and did just little things, had a few friends and relatives come in and we laughed and cried together as we found things and would hold them up and play "what is it?" I still have a lot to go through but it is not going anywhere. Right now you need to take care of yourself, Number 1, and then you can take care of the other things later.

Of course you mind is scrambled. Why wouldn't it be? Find dependable people you can ask questions of. I live in a small town so all I have to do is ask. There really are honest people out there that will help you. My husband took care of the vehicles etc. also ...but you know what, vehicles don't need maintenance every day. Air in the tires, fuel in the tank and for the most part they are ready to go. Same with the house. You don't have to do home repairs every single day. Let yourself get a little "unscrambled". Things won't go up in smoke. Things may look a whole lot clearer in a couple months. They did with me.

Best of luck!

I'm so sorry for your losses. I lost my husband 7/25/15. I miss him & think of him everyday. Try to deal with things one day at a time, the pain can be overwhelming. I have more good days than bad now.My Mother died when I was 26 that was so hard. I cannot imagine dealing with both losses at once.

I'm so sorry for your losses. My wife of 51 years died at home in our bed. I was able to sleep with her and tell her I love you every night. She had cancer so her death was expected. However, I could not accept it. I have so many regrets over things I should have told her, things I should have said and did,t. After almost 3 years I still cannot accept that she is gone. I just miss her so so much. Every morning I wake up it is just a unanswered prayer. I am so ready to join her but I guess it's not up to me. Thanks for your ears.

Garmel, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband and mother. Take things one day at a time. When you look to far in the future you just get confused and anxious. Write things down, since the best memory gets foggy with this experience.
I also worked and my husband did all the other matters. It is now
going on 4mts since he died. I am learning to re-tool. You can do it just believe in your abilities.
I too think I am too young, but it does not change my reality. It is a painful process we all wished we were spared.Take care of yourself.
Sending positive energy your way.

Planner! That was me and my husband. We planned and saved, built our lives and worked toward retirement. Finally made it to the age of 60 and were ready to live our life together as a couple once more. Then he was diagnosed with lung cancer and 10 weeks later he died. So much for planning! Sharon

I sure do feel for you, because I've had a very similar history. I lost my husband in February of 2013 and my mom that October. That was the last of my family, save a few cousins with whom I'm not close. I was 50, too. The sheer amount of STUFF to deal with is just overwhelming, I know. I'm still slogging through estate and tax paperwork for both estates. I sold my house, moved into my mom's house, and put almost all my husband's things in storage until I'm ready to deal with them. My husband did have a few close friends who have been helpful to me in finding reliable assistance (though I've had to ask them very pointedly for help). His best friend, who works in real estate, helped me get the house sold, for example. Another of his friends who is a court recorder helped me find a lawyer I could trust.

The most succinct advice I can give you is to TAKE YOUR TIME. You'll find capabilities you never imagined you had, but they won't magically appear all at once. Shove things to the back burner until you feel a little less like a leaky rowboat in the middle of the Pacific during a monsoon. If a crisis does arise that you can't put off (for example, if a car breaks down), don't be afraid to telephone a neighbor you know or one of your husband's associates to ask for advice. You *will* have to go to them; lots of people offer help, but they almost never come to you. And try not to focus on more than one thing needing your attention. (For example, when I was having to pack up my house, I just let the estate paperwork slide.) You need to conserve your energy and protect your sanity. Be as kind to yourself right now as you can. And know you have friends here who completely and totally "get" what you're going through.