Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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YoungMrs 12/02/2016

Hi all. I found this website while trying to find someone out there who had an idea of what I am going through. I lost my 30 year old husband on the 26th of October 2016. We had been married for 4 months. I read one of the posts sayng losing a loved one is a spiritual loss and that is so true. I have a 5 year old son from a previous relationship but my husband was an amazing father to our son. He loved him as his own. We have been trying for a baby and the day he died I old him I thought I could be pregnant. He was so excited. Less than 6 hours later he was dead. We had so many plans and were truly soul mates. I never thought love between two people could be so deep and unconditional. There are so many things going on around me that just wouldnt be if he was here. I miss him every minute of every day. I used to consider myself a strong and independant person but this loss has stripped me of every bit of stength i ever had. I feel so robbed. My pregnancy was confirmed the day after his death and going for my first scan without him was tortourous. He was such an amazing and loving man. Protective and always there for us. He was not perfect but he was perfect for me. I love him in a way that moved my soul and Id always tell him that. My sons biological father is selfish and not involved. I just learnt 2 days ago that my husband had strong words with him telling hm he must step up and he cannot be a part time father. He had since dissapeared. Now that my husband is no more he has attacked me and become vulgar saying he wants to see his son (who he hasnt bothered to even call for months). My children have been robbed of a father who loved them and always put them first. He would do anything for our son and I can only imagine how happy and complete our family would be with the new baby. My heart feels like its broken in more than a million pieces. I miss him so much it hurts. My family is very supportive and I have moved back home. My faith has been put on trial by this tragerdy. I still have faith and believe in Gods goodness but i must say I find myself feeling dissapointed. I pray that we all find peace sooner rather than later. But our lives will never be the same again and I wonder if Ill ever experience that level of happiness agan. Im looking forward to seeing him again oneday. I have never felt such pain ever. It is worse than words can describe.

gregsbaby 12/02/2016

I'm so sorry for your loss and congrats at the same time?? He'll always be in your heart and now he's going to live through the baby! I lost my husband when our baby was 16 months old on 8/23/15. Somedays I look at baby and start crying because he's so like his papa in so many ways! Babies are truly a blessing and you're blessed in more ways than you know :) Sending big hugs!

Michelle100 12/02/2016

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 3 months ago suddenly as well. I know it may seem hard to be grateful for anything now but at least you have a part of him with you now. You are truly blessed for that. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

shelda 12/02/2016

You are very strong You Have to Believe this. You have survived the day your husband died..did you see that happening ever? Being Grateful for things like your Family your son,feeling blessed to have been loved by him..Just Feeling Grateful Every day for something...this is the highway to heaven this here group and its sure helping me :)

YoungMrs 12/02/2016

Thank you all for your kind words and prayers. It really helps to know that there are people who actually have an idea of what you are going through. I have a lot of support but at times I feel bad for them or feel they dont know what to say because they dont understand. It sucks that we are all here but atleast we can be there for one another with understanding. Its hard but Im glad I came across this site. Thanks again

myhusbandisanangel 12/02/2016

Hi, I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my husband of 33 years October 18, 2016 suddenly. Glad you found this website, and we are all here for you. Your husband gave you a wonderful gift, a child and I know it must be very hard, but we are here, write when you want to write. You take care of yourself and your family. Hugs.

Soulbroken 12/02/2016

Honey do you realize how lucky you are?? God granted you a gift of a baby from your soul mate. That is like the best thing ever. You must stand strong and protect that baby. He is your gift. You never list your soul mate. For he left part of him with you. You have been given something to be excited about. To see this child grow and know his dad. Everyday you will have that chance.
My husband and I wanted a baby. We couldn't! ! I always think about who they would have looked like.
Hugs honey!! I hope you realize how blessed you are.

munmun 12/03/2016

Sorry for your loss , the loss we are all going through is irreplaceable . but that was a miracle what he left you with while leaving , a part of him . I lost my husband during our honeymoon and m so so unlucky that I didn't get Pregnant :( so sudden loss of my love and the future we dreamt together along with the unborn kids :(

YoungMrs 12/03/2016

thanks guys. Yes I realize I am blessed. It doesn't make it easier tough. I think its hard either way. I miss him terribly and knowing what a good father he was and now having to raise 2 small children without him wont be without challenges. The loss we are all going through at times can be too heavy to bear. I love my baby but I also miss their dad and am sad that they will never experience each other.

Britta 12/03/2016

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know it was not the plan. I am struggling with the same problem. Prayer really helps me. So does keeping busy and trying to stay on schedule. Since you have a son you know all about schedules. I am so happy for you in that you are going to have a baby. I know the circumstances are difficult but babies are such a blessing as I am sure you know. I am so happy you have a supportive family. Let them embrace you. I cannot imagine your fear and pain as I am older and my kids are grown. My husband died very suddenly too and it has been very hard. I am still so scared all the time. I am sure you must feel that way too. I am here for you if you ever need to talk. Jeanne

luckydaughter 12/03/2016

I am so sorry for your loss and all that you are going through. I am glad that you have his baby, though that will be a very bittersweet experience. Remember to eat and drink plenty of fluids, even if you don't feel like it. I am glad you joined this group.

Sylvia

YoungMrs 12/04/2016

thank you all. its sad and shocking how many people are going through the same thing. hugs to you all

Lisastp 12/05/2016

In reading about your loss of your wonderful husband, and then reading that you are expecting a baby, I am struck by how the very worst thing that can happen is now combined with the very best thing that can happen. Death and birth all intertwined together -- it's so sad, and it's good you found this site -- this is a place where you can say what you are feeling when you feel it -- and for me, those feelings varied minute by minute at first. This site was the place that made is at all bearable, because I knew everyone would understand here. I lost my wonderful husband in October, 2014. Surviving his death has been the hardest thing I've ever done (and without going into detail, I thought I had a very challenging life before this happened, but I was wrong). Mostly, at first, it felt like falling down through the floor, with no safety net to stop me from continuing to fall. But with friends, family, work, time, faith, sheer determination, and a belief that the future can hold better things, I made it through for the past two years. Mainly, I urge you to take care of yourself, take five minutes whenever you need it to close your eyes and breathe deeply. Next, I urge you to get to grief counseling with an experienced grief counselor. It's the beginning of your journey and it helps to have a "guide." Then, I urge you to be around others who have experienced this loss (either here on-line, or in an in-person support group). It helps and it's the only place where you can say just what you feel about your loss, and know that others are sharing that same feeling. You can do it :)

YoungMrs 12/07/2016

Thank you. Its so confusing. Im hurting in a way I cant describe. I fill my days with TV shows to try and have something else on my mind. It works only for a moment. The truth is I miss him so much. Its 6 weeks today. I feel Im getting further and further away from him every day. And that scares me. I love him so much and miss him loving me back.

Anne8 12/07/2016

Having the kids will definitely help you move forward, I know having to put on a non-sad face and get through the day-to-day routine helped me a lot. My oldest son was 5 when we married & a couple of years later we had our own son together. Tommy was 5 when his dad died.

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