I am not seeking for a new relationship so can`t reply on that front but I am close in age to you and have a 23 year old and 21 year old. My husband has been gone over 19 months . If I do have someone else in my life one day it is important that my children are o.k with this. It`s important but not written in stone. As hard as it is , I do open this topic of conversation with my children on occasion and I know that the thought of it is extremely painful to our daughter. That`s why I make sure to reassure her that her feelings are important to me but I also reaffirm that if the day comes I hope that she will respect my right to decide what I think is best for me just as I respect her right to decide what is right for her. I will tell you that love ones have a hard time accepting that we may move on before that 1st year is over. My advice is this, do consider where your daughters are coming from, have a heart to heart and listen openly to what they have to say as hard as it is for everyone. They may be 23 and 30 but to them he was daddy and the first thing my 21 year old tells me when I bring up the topic is "No one will ever replace my dad" That statement in itself speaks loudly of the hurt she feels.

Thank you for your comment. My girls know without question that I loved their Father without question and that he will forever live inside of me. My children must also understand that their father is no longer with us in the physical sense. I did not seek out a new relationship, it simply happened by fate. As far as the one year mark goes, I don't agree that it is too soon to have the desire to go on. I have no intention of remarrying or making a life changing decision until I feel that I can do so without doubt or a clear head. I love my children more than anything and want them to trust in my decisions and know that I would never hurt them or betray their fathers memory. I also want the Kids to know that like them, I want a full and loving life. I simply want us all to be happy.
Kym

when I dated last year, my kids, ages 44,47,48 thought
I couldn't make a good decision about who.....they would rather see me alone. Yet, they don't spend time with me?

This is just my opinion, and I certainly don't mean to judge you. It's less than a year since you lost your husband and their father. I believe they need time and so do you. The saying to not make important decisions for at least a year is valid advice. Now that being said, a friendship is important and having someone to help you and do things with is wonderful. The use of the word love, however, frightens me. I'm sure that the word frightens your children.

One of the biggest losses we experience with our husband's death is the loss of love. It brings on the intense loneliness we struggle with for so long. But love is complicated and with the vulnerable feeling you express so openly, you are aware of this.

I am remarried, so I do understand. But I also know that it has to come after much work to redefine who you are after such a great loss. My advice is to enjoy the companionship of someone who is part of your being, but don't believe he is the answer to your pain. That answer must come from you. No one can fix our broken heart and lives but us and searching within.

Move slowly and with caution in your new found friendship. Laugh and enjoy the time you spend together and alone. You are progressing on your own journey to peace, but it's in you not in who you meet or what you do. Your children will understand as they get to see you being content in yourself and then sharing that with someone new. Sharon

I agree that I need time and for now we are good friends who have very strong attraction to each other. All three kids are out of the house newly married and very happy in their lives. It seems funny that as a widow there is almost a rule on how one needs to spend time alone and yearning for a relationship that will never come back in the physical sense. It is wrong to tuck the memory of your husband in your heart and moving forward to a life as we all know is not guaranteed. I am a smart women who understands how fragile the heart and emotions can be. I also know that my life is in God's hands and he will lead me to were I need to be. Michael was pure joy and never can be fully replaced however my sweet beautiful man has passed from this earth and I will honor him by living a good loving life. I believe that it takes a lot more courage to go on than to stay stagnant. Thank you all for your input.

Kymberly

Advice, life as you have found out is too damn short to not live it! So don't live it how someone else expects you to. Your post made it clear you aren't looking to rush into anything. You are being sensitive to their feelings, that's all you can do. Of course having them support your decisions is easier. Keep being honest with them but don't let them tell you that you have not grieved enough. Live life and I pray that opening your heart continues to give you happiness. You are not being disrespectful of your husband or them if you want to embrace life again.

Ok, to all the one year folks....no two people deal with death, grief or life the same way. After years of caregiving, my husband passed away May 2nd. He knew I was a vibrant woman with a lot to give. He knew that if and when I did date I would be very selective. You can't put a time frame on dating after the death of a spouse. I am lucky in that my boys and step kids all made it clear that because I had been devoted for years to my husbands care that if and when I dated they were all for it. No time frame, no calendars. After being sick for so long we all had mourned hubby's death many times before he passed.

So that being said. I started dating a very old friend, three months after my husband died. And I'm proud of it and happy I did it. We met accidentally at of all places Wal-Mart. We truly enjoy each others company and our families are very ok with it. To be honest even if they weren't I don't think I would let it bother me. It's my life.

Big hugs to you Kymberly. I pray you have easy and happy times ahead of you. Sandy

Hey Kymberly,

I have dealt with this. My sons were 19 and 23 when Cliff died. Mark and I became friends during the first year we were grieving. We took our time, we were careful, we waited until we were both beyond our first year anniversaries before we took the next steps. One of my sons rejoiced when I told them we were a couple. The other was furious. Other people who have moved into new relationships have had similar experiences, including one lady I know whose son was 35 and long gone from the home was just as angry as my then 20-year old was.

It took many conversations to get past it, but we did get past it.

We have been widowed and widowered for 7 years, remarried now for 4.

My advice is to keep talking to your kids. Reassure them, but stand your ground. My kids know that if Cliff were alive that there would be no one else, but we all had to face the reality that he wasn't coming back. All the structure in our lives has changed. But now we are part of a happy, blended family. We still talk about Cliff all the time. The kids know he is not forgotten and that he is still honored and a part of who we are.

Do take your time, make sure whatever you do is with eyes open. Not everybody needs a year, some need way more than a year. Be careful, be prudent, be patient if you can.

Hope this helps.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

we all ache and hurt so much when we lose our loves. I think the way the other person is introduced into the lives of your adult children is the thing that is important. My daughter had to see me as a woman and not just her mom, a woman that did not want to be just plain lonesome and lost feeling. I for sure needed to find myself. In the process meeting and enjoying the company o f another is nice. Years later now, its much easier to talk with my daughter now about things and it will get easier for all involved. But i sort of agree with Sandy

Kymberly: I recently had the same type of situation. I just started dating someone. He wanted to come to my house to see me and I automatically said no because my 22 year old daughter would be there (she lives with me). He made me realize that there is nothing wrong with having a gentleman visitor. And he was absolutely right. So I allowed him to visit.

I know exactly how you feel... Since I have started dating this man, I feel alive again. I can actually accept that my future is not going to be with the man I promised to marry. I don't know what my future will be but it doesn't feel so overwhelming now.

I know... everyone told me not to date for at least a year. But I think every person has to do what is right for them. Opening myself up to male companionship is right for me. I was in such a dark, dark place after my fiance died for months. I was really worried for myself. I can honestly say I feel 100% better since allowing others into my life. I'm taking better care of myself, I'm more outgoing towards others, I am exercising, and not glued to the couch with a box of tissues and Netflix.

To me, our adult children should recognize this. I think it is easier for them to see us alone. But, they are adults and should trust your judgement just as you trust theirs. They do not understand the darkness of losing a spouse.

There is no time limit for opening your heart to someone else. If it feels right, then be with him.

I have 3 children and 7 grandchildren. My Morey has been gone for 16 months. I miss his companionship so much. Even when he wasn't well, he was all I thought about. My life was so intertwined with his.

I would love the company of a man.....the companionship of a man.....the conversation with a man. Nothing intimate just to have the banter and closeness of a man in my life would be so nice.

My children don't live with me, although we're together a lot. If a man were to come into my life for the above reasons......I think I would welcome it and by the same token my children would.

I wish everyone a life filled with companionship or one of being alone, if that's what you desire. It's your life and you are the one who has to live it! Let it be organic and natural for you. If it feels good and right do it!