I am so sorry for your loss. There is no way that you could have known this was going to happen while you were asleep next to him. I too know the feeling of not being able to grasp what has just happened and wish I could go back in time. I lost my husband May 5, 2007 to complications from triple by pass surgery and him being diabetic since he was 16 played a big part in his passing. We were only together for 10 years and the day he had his heart attack it was around 2:00PM that he called me and told me he did not feel right, He went to Quik Care and I flew there from my job. They already had him hooked up to monitors and he was in the middle of having his heart attack. They transported him to the hospital and left him in the hallway entrance to the ER from 3:00PM until midnight. I stayed there waiting. Finally at around 3:00AM they got him settled into a room and I went home, all the time saying to myself this is not happening. Well, after 4 long months of him being between the hospital and rehab, I had to make the excruiating decision to take him off life support. This was the worst moment of my life. He passed 3 1/2 hours later, peacefully. I know that there was nothing more I could do. It's funny how your dog alerted you that there was something wrong, they sense everything with us. Our dog, Lucky, literally jumped all over my husband one day when he was just starting to go into a diabetic coma. Barked so loud and consistent that he was able to get up and get some juice and sugar into him. Yes, time will heal the pain, for me it was a long time. Please try and stay strong, let your feelings out, and also take care of yourself. We here all understand what you are going through and are here for you whenever you need to talk or vent. Thank you for listening to me too. Margie

"I wonder why I did not know this was happening right next to me. Maybe I could have save him!"

{{{HUGS}}}
Survivor's guilt -
Your mind will search these thoughts & replay the events leading up to his death till the time comes when it is resolved ... meaning, internally, mind, body & soul, have accepted there was nothing you could done to save his life,not even Shredder. Grief is a process -

This may not be a comfort right now, but as a diabetic, dying in my sleep is how I want to go out ... peacefully -

At 3 1/2 months out, all you may be able to do at this time is grieve.
Even though it is gutwrenchingly painful, there are issues the body & mind need to work through on their own such as coming to terms with survivor's guilt -

What you are experiencing is normal. In a cathected relationship such as your marriage, it takes time to process every moment of the union. Everyone in this community has gone through this in various degrees. We will all try to help you through this -

During this raw period of grief, you will need to take good care of yourself with nurturing & avoiding anything outside your realm that is upsetting -

Shredder - bless this pooch's heart. My dog alerted to me to my husband's death at the precise moment. I was at home, he was killed in a car collsion several miles away -

*Be kind, loving & forgiving of yourself everyday of your life*

So sorry to hear about your loss. You'll be faced with the what ifs, maybes, whys, and never will find an answer. I know, 14 months later and I'm starting to heal from that. I love to listen to this song by LeAnn Rimes "What I Cannot Change". Our lives have changed, and this song gives a meaning to what in time we will learn to let go of. As I always like to live by now, is to take it a day at a time. Hugs to you!

Your post could have been written by me. My husband died in his sleep, but I wasn't right next to him. I was down the hall reading a book and had no idea. He too was diabetic, had complications, and we'd been married 26 years. Our dogs, however, were as clueless as I was!
I can't promise the big hole in your life will lessen, but it will get easier. It's been 18 months for me and I'm actually amazed at my own resilience.
The guilt gets to me sometimes and I have to talk myself out of it. I ask myself what I could have done differently that day. But the reality of the situation is that it's not in our hands. Now our job is to take the best care of ourselves that we can and try to make a peaceful life for ourselves.
Please come to this site often. It was a lifesaver for me and many others. We've all been through it.
(((Hugs)))
Julie

I am so sorry for your loss. My husband passed away 11/23/12. He was a type 1 diabetic since he was 13 and passed when he was 55. He had lost both legs and was on dialysis from kidney failure the last 9 years. He'd had quadruple bypass, and multiple other surgeries. His will to live was just incredible. He didn't want to leave me. He spend the last 60 days of his life in the hospital with pneumonia three times, and horrible bedsores that ate away at him and ultimately passed the day after Thanksgiving from Sepsis. I had to make the decision to stop life support. I just passed the 5 month mark. I have good days and bad days. I know he's no longer suffering, but it does not ease the pain of missing him. I try to keep busy and have joined a support group, taken up Yoga and Meditation, and work a 50 hour a week job, yet still miss him every minute of the day. We would have celebrated our 35th anniversary on the 8th of this month. It was always my favorite day of the year. Try to take just one minute, one hour, one day at a time and it will slowly get a little better. Hugs to you. Andrea

I am sorry for your loss... I lost my husband Feb 11, 2013. Welcome to this site, and our little group. There is a lot of help here. Even saying dumb things , (like I do)...is accepted by this group, so far. With Fog brain, like we have.Everyone here is so helpful...

((((hugs))))
Sandee

I am sorry for your loss, but welcome you to the group. I am Sharon, and I lost my husband to lung cancer almost six years ago. This site was primarily the biggest help in understanding my loss and how to continue without him. It is my hope it can be the same for you.

I'm sure many of us can relate with the feelings of we could/should have done more, but truth is, we did all we could. It was not in our control. Keep focused on the love you shared and know he died knowing you loved him and would do anything to have him here.
Sharon

Dear heart - know that your love's time to go back to his spirit home was written when he came into this life, so there is NOTHING you could have done to change that. Whilst I feel for you deeply in this, your time of loss, I am grateful that your husband is now whole again and restored to perfect health and well-being. Be assured that you will be reunited again when your own graduation day comes. There is no death, it is the "miss" that we are feeling, and that is normal. ((HUGGLES))

I am sorry for your loss as well. I also agree that there was probably nothing you could have done. God decides when we are finished here. My husband passed March 24,2013 & this site has really helped me. I come to it almost every day. I hope you find the same comfort here. And friends.

Such great replies to your post. Barbarame's words about "his time to depart this life was written when he was born"...just brought back all the times my DH said those exact words to me, as I lost my family members much too soon.
My husband passed suddenly during the night in his own bed, in his own home, too...everyone says that's the way we all want to exit. There was nothing I could have done to change that "Final Chapter", he never called out for me. It's not easy to lose our beloved spouse...no matter how, when, or where.
My sympathy to you...glad you've found the right place for understanding, kind hearts to share your feelings.
Blessings and Hugs, Nancy