Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Hi. I have been a widow for 8 years now. I think the reality of it is finally starting to set in. For the last 8 years I have put all my time, energy, and focus into my children. Now they are older and more independent.
I have been in such a funk the last few months. There is really no one around me that understands what I am going through. They all think I should be better or moving on from the grief of it all. They just don't understand that it is all starting to hit me now all these years later
I can tell that the time and energy spent with young children is a lifesaver at such times of strong emotional anguish. My own children were adults when my husband passed, so I admire that you "braved-up" to the task of raising your children during this sad time.
Have you considered talk therapy? I consider this way as a good idea mastered for slowly uncovering what the cause of your anxiety is at present; something is masking problems. The good thing is that you've already shown much courage during this overwhelming episode of your life. It further appears to me that new revelations coming into mind now are figuring in like the dark side of unsettled emotions, with developments of self-doubts. And this is common behavior at any point because grief processing doesn't come with a no-harm contract for life; the hell of it all is unpredictable and a constant threat to the emotions. It could be that you simply need to talk with some professional, a trusted one, in which you may find a positive way to cope with daily living without so much attention to your children.
Love & hugs!
I have only been a widower for about three months now. We did not have children so I imagine I have gotten to those lonely and useless days right away as opposed to a delayed effect.
I can say that going to local bereavement groups has helped me and helped me to meet a couple of other people who can truly empathize as they have lost a spouse as have I.
You are right, no one else can quite understand the tidal wave of emotions that go with losing the person you planned to be with for your future life.
I have come to realize there is a lot of work and a boat load of pain that goes into getting through (not over) this mess and I am just starting to resolve some little bit of the emotional quagmire so I am able to function at times.
I wish you the best in your very difficult journey...do it at your pace, be kind to yourself (that is a hard one for me) and try to find lifelines that help you.
Joe
I am lonely sometimes and I miss them!
But any way grief is a daily reality and 5 years beyond Rays death I am functional and feeling better but I do still have a rough day now and again. I face it and allow myself to cry. I have a part time job it gets me out. I pray for all of you that healing will be yours. Take care.