Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Truhal 03/12/2011

When I was a young woman 'single' meant an unmarried woman or man. Divorced meant a person who'd been married and then terminated the marriage. Then there was 'spinster' a woman of a certain age who'd never been married. And of course 'separated', a category used by people who'd left the marriage but hadn't gotten around to legally terminated it. This category was also used by married men who wanted to have a little fun on the side, back before the days of online dating.

So I was thinking of these categories, and how we widows/widowers are expected to find one that fits us, and decided to make up my own definition. I got the idea from hearing about a never-married celebrity who'd broken up with her boyfriend and was referred to as recently single. The term is now used for anyone who broke a relationship. By the new definition, someone like Oprah Winfrey is not single. But if she and Steadman break up, they'd say she's single.

So, here it goes. My very own definition.

Widow/Widower: A person who is still married, but their spouse resides in another place.

Any other suggestions? I figure if we pick one now, we just might get it on the next census in 10 years.

missingmyabby 03/12/2011

You define yourself. Don't let others define you. Don't let the small minds in this world decide who you are. You are who you are in that persons life. There is absolutely no need to pigeon hole yourself. When you decide your status then that's it, to hell with what "they" think!
Ken

deleted_user 03/13/2011

I agree - make your own definition - define yourself. Make up some things!!!! Hey, I was Steadman's first wife - before he met the Oprah lady - I wouldn't give him a car or take him to Australia so he dumped me for the Oprah woman. Life is so short - I'm going to check all the boxes Tru. Ha ha ha.

deleted_user 03/13/2011

I pretty much go by the old song "It's a Saturday night ...and I ain't got nobody....". Pretty much defines my life as a single widower.

michaelbmanning 03/13/2011

I like your definition quite well. As for Oprah and Steadman, they are both single in my book. If you are not married, but in a relationship, you are still single. I think that's the way the IRS sees it as well.

Maggie

NewRoadsForMe 03/14/2011

Maggie, I always love your posts. You are a no nonsense girl with high ideals. Your children are fortunate to have YOU!

Truhal, I agree with your definition. Joe is still a part of everything I do, say, or feel. Married forever. He's just currently working for God out of town. I plan to work for God, too, in God's time.

Lininsocal 03/14/2011

I have been single. I have been married. I have been divorced and I was single again. I then remarried (happily)and became widowed. My heart is married, my brain struggles with the fact that I am actually single and I accept that I am now single by the death of my husband. I am in such a different state of single available than when I was a young single or a relieved divorced single. It sure isn't a state I ever wanted to find myself in again.

edithbathgate 03/14/2011

I agree with NewRoads. I am not ready, and may never be ready to see myself as "single." I am living in a place that is different than the place where my husband is living but I look forward to joining him in God's time

deleted_user 03/14/2011

It is a sort of limbo isn't it. I am married, I lived my vows, death do you part. I filled out an application for a loan and was forced to check single or married, did not want to check either so didn't(it has been less than two months), of course they called and the loan officer said "You are single." I thought no I am most certainly not I am married. At church when they bless people who are living the vocation of marriage, do you stand or sit? I feel like I am still living that vocation. See limbo, we are not,not married, we are not single either. It is the first time in my life, when I feel like hey society why do you make me choose. I say Truhal is right, I am married, but husband just went on ahead of me, and someday I am going to join him!

icezam19 03/14/2011

New Roads, I love what you wrote and agree wholeheartedly. I'm married to Bill forever. So anxious to see him again.

Nicker07 03/14/2011

I for one hate dealing with redefining the changes, its none of anyones business to be perfectly honest, IN my opinion.
BUT when others out there insist on defining that distinction I just can not think of a good way to do it - or a word to say

deleted_user 03/17/2011

Widow/Widower -- a person who is still married and wonders how to continue with a life without the spouse who has had to leave and reside in a different place.

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