I'm so sorry for your loss. You certainly need to know what the cause of death was. I can understand your feelings about reading the report by yourself. Perhaps it would be a good idea to invite your wife's best friend to meet you someplace quiet and the two of you read it together so you have each other for support. I think you will eventually feel much better about what happened when you know why she died. That must be so hard for you. I truly sympathize with you and understand your feelings of pain. We are here for you anytime. It will do you lots of good to come here and express whatever thoughts are on your mind. Anytime. Best wishes to you for peace.

I agree with NewRoads that you should probably have the dear friend by your side when you read the transcription. You may have no problem at all with it, but you might need another presence to lend some stability. It's been over a year for me and to this day I can't see Vern's DC that I don't get really upset and cry some.

This is so fresh for you, honey, that I really feel that it would be good to have someone you know and trust to be with you. But then, that's just my take on it. Do what feels best to you when the time comes. (((((randall)))))

Marilyn

I am too sorry for your loss. If you don't believe you are strong enough to read the report yourself or alone, enlist a friend or family member to be with you, or yes, have them read it.

I learned the hard way that it was OK to lean on others. That was hard for me because I want to do it all myself.

I can understand your need to know. I didn't have an autopsy done as his attending did not see the need for one. I have the most recent copies of my husband's medical records from his doctors just before his death. It's been almost two years and I haven't been able to read them. He had a rare heart/lung disease and the doctors never gave us any indication that he was getting worse though I could tell he was. I think I was in denial. I want to know if they saw it coming, but didn't tell us.

Nessie from KY

so sorry to hear that. you need those results read to you. When Mike's come in i will need someone there to read them to me. This journey is so lonley and so exhausting, you really need support when you get this, My husband passed suddenly november 1st, and when the report comes in i woulnd't want to be alone :(. I am lost too just like you. This is sometihng we want to wake up from God Loves You, Kelly in colorado.
hang in there so sorry. prayers are with you.

There is the emotional part of reading the report and the comfort of not being alone, to me that would be up to you which would be more comfortable.

Then there's the intellectual part of understanding what is being said. The report will use medical language, will you understand what it says? I can tell you as a medical professional reading a report on my husband was not like reading a friend's to help her understand what is said. Do you have a doctor you trust, like your primary physician or a nurse that you would be comfortable talking with?

Just my thoughts. Hugs to you in this hard time. Sharon

I am sorry for your loss and the weight of the uncertainty.

My thoughts were much the same as Sharon's - i.e., the autopsy report will have technical language in it, and if you are not accustomed to that, you may have a hard time with the dual effect of it's lack of emotion with the added layer of technical verbage you won't comprehend. SO, I would suggest that you take it with you to your doctor's office and have them read it and explain its contents. Unless the close friend is in the medical field, she will likely not make sense of the terminology either.

The other option is to take it with you to your lawyer's office, if you have someone working on her estate/the probate issues. Most lawyers are pretty savvy about the medical terminology, and if there is any question about what led to your poor wife's death, your lawyer would be a good one to review it. Just a thought...

I am sorry you have to go through this. I did find some comfort in reading Cliff's report and having it clear what had caused his death. There are so many questions we ask when we go through this; as painful as it often is, there is some benefit to the clarity of knowing "what" even when there is no answer to "why."

Wishing you better days...

Love and Hugs,
Martha

So Sorry for your Loss and confusion regarding why?
I used my family doctor (who I am close with) who sat with me and read the report and put in words for me that I understood, plus we hugged each other as I cried about the untimely passing. Hoping all go well for you and however you go about this...
Be Gentle on your self
Rick

I do have some medical background and experience and will understand a much of the technical descriptions, it's still hard to imagine thinking about it in a clinical manner. I'm leaning toward either a friend that is a nurse or my family doctor that I have had for the last 30 years and feel comfortable with. I called the AZ medical examiners office again today and they are short two transcribers, they said it could still be several more days.

I greatly appriciate all of the advice and I'm so thankful to have DS friends to come to with things that most other friends can't understand.

Hugs Randall

Loving thoughts to you. The path you find yourself on is one of the saddest there is. Know only that we all walk beside you, and your tears are understood. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I cannot speak for anyone but myself...but, I might just want to sum up the cause in a single word or two.

I don't think I could go through all the details, to tell you the truth.

The report is going to be detailed and, perhaps, graphic. I'm not sure that getting all these details is going to make things any easier for you.

Here is where being kind to yourself may help. You are already in a lot of pain. For me,the details would only amplify that pain all the more.

You very definitely needs someone by your side, regardless of the circumstances, at this time. I'd be there with you, if I could...I cannot imagine what you're going through.

We grieve in similar way, and we deffer in some ways, and although, I was in a similar situation waiting for the report, my experience could be helpful or not. But it is a very important to know everything you can, because understanding, feeling, learning is a part of the that reality, its acceptance and begining of healing.

I was waiting for the detailed report for a long time, and without a doubt, the anticipation was excruciating. But when I finally recieved it, I was much stronger so I could handle reading it without anyone supporting me.
Earlier in my grieving, I had high expectation from this step. Words like, a closure or an acceptance come to mind. But, the style fo the report, so matter- of -fact, dry, dense with the medical terms, preocupied me; my effort to understand the essence of it overrode my emotions.
Without a doubt, it was important information, but did not add much to what I had already known about his condition; the facts on the paper were just some missing pieces of the puzzle, not the answer per se.
To my surprise, report mentioned about some other health issues, like his main artery was already 50% blocked, meaning, if he were living longer, he would have had a bypass, just as his father did. I had mixed emotions about that, thinking that he had probably had to deal with some symptoms , but he kept it to himself never complained about his heart.
I am very sorry you have to go throught this, it is very hard.
I wish you find all the answers, which can bring some closure and peace.
Blessings.