I just went through breast cancer and there is NO way I would have done chemotherapy. I only had radiation and that was bad enough. Chemotherapy destroys the quality of life that you have now and strips you of all dignity. Read up on it before you have it. It was not meant to be a cure. The decision is yours but please learn all you can before proceeding.

Awe Joey....I'm so sorry for your diagnosis. I understand your thoughts, concerns and loneliness. You make a very valid point. But, you are here for a reason...I know it doesn't seem like it but you are. You probably mean more to many more people than you even realize.
Please consider all of your choices, research and then decide. Life is worth the trouble. You have to look for the light my friend....its out there....
My thoughts and prayers are with you on this journey.
Warms hugs
Darcie

My beautiful daughter in law is here because of chemotherapy not a walk in the park but than either is life at times. Consider all that is in front of you. Prayers to you. Hugs.........
Jeanne

I understand wanting to just give up...One thing though is a question I have for you . If you had been the one to go first and the roles were reversed, what would you want for you wife?

I have often asked myself that question, what would I want for him?...Because I can pretty much guarantee that he would want the same and more for me and that is what keeps me going...

Good Luck xoxo

Joe,

I read your post well over an hour ago. Your pain took me back to my own. I went through what you are going through minus the cancer. And yes I had children at the time but my depression was so deep so dark they almost couldn't reach me as much as I loved them. I limped along for years. Now my kids are grown and gone and I live by myself. My feelings get hurt when I want to help them and they push me away. They don't mean to hurt me, I know. I started going to church again and reading my Bible. I don't know if you are a believer but I thought I would share anyway. If it doesn't help you it might help someone reading. I have been a widow for 10 years now. It does get better even if life is never without challenges along the way. I have good days and yes I still have bad days, but the good are slowly starting to out number the bad by choice. Happiness is a choice so is letting go and moving on and it happens when you are ready. People would always tell me God has a plan and a purpose for your life. Plans to prosper you not harm you. To give you hope. Well I certainly am looking for that, hoping for that, yearning for that. It was hard for me to believe. I had to have lots of people tell me that over and over and over again. I had to read it for myself and say it out loud to myself and still there are days that I wonder what this looks like. All I know is as long as I wake up in the morning God is not done with me. I apparently still have work to do even if my kids are grown and I don't know what that work is anymore. Life is a gift. It has value. It needs to be invested in order for it to yield a return. I spent so much time taking care of others that now I need to learn to care for self while I wait. There will come a time when I am needed again and I don't want to have scorned the gift God gave me by not taking care of it otherwise when I am called upon I will be useless. My Mom and Dad divorced when I was five. My Dad never got over it. He had several heart attacks by the time I was 18 and needed him because mom was a drunk and having a nervous breakdown he had given up and was useful to no one and died that same year. I met my husband shortly after that. These things we are going through tests and trials build our character and give us perseverance and hope. You are still alive and breathing and so all I can say is God is not done with you yet. Please do what needs to be done to carry on. So long as you live and breath you have the potential to share the best parts of your wife and the love you had together with the world around you.

Hi Joe, I am sorry for both the loss of your wife and also for your diagnosis. My husband and I both had cancer at the same time. He died five months ago and I am still recovering from mine. I went through chemo and radiation while knowing that my husband was going to die. The best thing I can tell you is to get as much information as you can before deciding what you want to do. All chemo is not equal. Some make you lose your hair, some don't, and some types are much more nauseating than others. Some people get through radiation with few side effects while others experience many side effects. Ultimately it is your decision what to do but I hope you will try to fight for this precious life that you still have. I know you miss your wife........everyone here misses their spouse. We understand. I was married for 31 years before losing the love of my life in August. Some days I really wonder why he died and I lived but the fact is, I did live so I guess I am supposed to go on.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Sylvia

My thoughts and prayers go out to you, you are living through a very difficult situation. I have been married about 6 years and I cant imagine loosing my spose but 43 years is a lifetime and I bet there are some really great memories. My only encouragement would be to think of what she would want for you, Life after a spouse can be very difficult I watched my grandfather go through this after 52 years of marriage when he lost my grandmother to cancer. For a year or so afterwards He was ok, just getting by, but then he started purposefully getting more social and has meet a really great woman who is in a similar situation and they have a blast together. They are always out doing something like dances at the vfw or going to hang out with friends, I am very thankful for what he has found. I don't know what to say about leukemia, that's a very hard decision. I hope you can find the support you need in lifelong friends or new friends, stay strong you can get through this.

Joe, I am so deeply sorry for your loss and now your diagnosis. My husband took chemotherapy for cancer before another cancer struck his body. The second time he refused, the difference was the diagnosis of successful recovery. Talk to your doctor. You have choices and they are yours. In the early days of grieving I felt that I had no reason to live, that is normal for many of us. Our life is forever changed, but you can discover reasons to be grateful for the memories and the future. Sharon

I feel like that everyday..whats the point. Then i try and remind myself why i am grateful..in time i remember and then i feel better. There will be moments of happiness and tears of sorrow still to come. I say Fake it till you make it..its been helping me..where last week i was a mouse now i stand up for myself..im happy i am..:)

Joe: I didn't read any replies to your comments, so I hope that I am not duplicating much. My only thought is to at least give the treatments a try. After the treatment plan, then reevaluate what you plan to do next. But, yes, at least give it a try.

My son had leukemia and he is in remission now. His experience with it was "relatively" easy. He only had one reaction to some medication he was on, and they stopped it immediately. I am so thankful for that. He is a 11 year survivor so far, and I am so grateful.

Be.the.light.

Dearest Joe,
The cross that you bear must feel almost unbearable. The diagnosis of leukaemia is very scary, I know. Chemo and radiation are very difficult but what you've been through with the loss of your wife is far worse, so if you can make it through that on a day-to-day basis, you can make it through this. Just over a year ago, I buried my husband of nearly 40 years. I too loved him more than I could ever put into words, and I feel your loss. But for whatever reason, we are here, and even though our hearts are broken, God has a plan for us. We must find our Peace again; our loved ones want that for us. Please don't be scared. There are people on this site who care, and although we aren't there in body, we are in spirit and prayer.

I know it must be so hard for you going through this without your wife beside you. I can't imagine what you're feeling now . I know what it's like losing the love of your life. My husband of close to 38 years died 21 months ago and my heart is still broken. God gives me the strength to face the new day-take it one day at a time. I'm praying you will find strength to get through all you're facing. I'm praying for you.

Joe, like you, I liked the old board. I haven't been able to even get on this board until tonight. Finally, made it! It kept telling me my password was wrong and said would send me a link to change my password -- but didn't. FINALLY, tonight they did send me a link!, yay!

I'm so sorry for your loss and for your recent diagnosis . Depend on The Lord for support. We do not understand the reasons for our lives and the happiness or the problems we have. God is in control.

Blessings, Joely