Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
New to DS--this is my first post--forgive the length of it. I lost my beloved wife 15 months ago after over 40 years of marriage. So now I am in the second year I have been so often warned about, and am having a very hard time. Yesterday I realized I could finally acknowledge how hard it would have been for her if I would have gone first. I had talked about it among family and friends but maybe it was too hard to look past my own pain and sense of loss. But the months go by and the loss and ache and loneliness and emptiness just weight me down, and I think of what it would have done to her. Despite my many failings she was devoted to me and said right from the beginning how I gave her a purpose for being and I was her whole world. Her note to me in the Valentines card I found from 94 or 95 just reinforced this, and of course we just drew closer in those last years. For all my faults which she knew only too well I was her leader and set the course for our lives. She was content just to be there and be a part of it. And I think it would have been very difficult for her to make a new life at all if I were not there. I do wonder what will happen to me--even though I have (or had) more interests and things to occupy my mind and time, as the months go by I care less and less, even about the things I really need to do. My world is just shattered into tiny pieces. Last night coming home from church it crossed my mind that I am really only left with one thing that matters--my faith. And I am just hanging on to that--not really making any progress there either. Everything else is just kind of putting in my time. If I keep going like this where will I end up--thats what I am wondering. But I am glad she didnt have to face this. She was very strong in many ways--a unshakeable faith and optimistic nature, always looking ahead--many characteristics I dont have, but she was very dependent on me in other ways. I know the Lord knows best, but oh I wish he would have taken us together. I dont want to go on alone. Thats the battle I face every day--the Lord knows the way through the wilderness versus I dont want to go on alone.
I just wanted to welcome you and invite you to stick around. Others here are wonderful. They know exactly where you are coming from. It's a good place.
Sit a spell, rest, and let the members here at Widows & Widowers help you.
Patience
Come to this site often, it has really helped me. Marilyn
If my husband had been left behind I know he could not have made it. He always said he would not want to go on without me, he could not have done the things I did. It must be that the Lord knows best in these matters. Oh, but it is so hard!
Keep coming back, there are many here that will help you get through this.
Hugs,
JoAnn
What a lovely second post....that you will stay and attempt to comfort as you have been comforted. That is the essence of DS. Welcome to this warm and loving "family".
Juanita
So far have been reading in the background and discovering about this new journey due also to the passing of my lovely wife. In just a short time have gained much help by reading how others feel and I am not alone, though she is gone.
Not sure what my new purposes will be, believe this group will be a huge help and as you point out as others have,
we help each other in small ways of sharing coping...
Chinaguy
I see no purpose in living in this world except for one thing: I wasn't born just for my own joy and happiness. My life, and the life of everyone is for a purpose and that purpose only God knows. I want to transition as soon as possible. But if God wants me here to bring His truth to one more person--to bring His word to one more person--to reveal the life that God has for each and every one of us--well, I'm ready to stay here until I'm 120 years old and beyond. I'm ready to stay here until my body no longer functions if doing so serves God.
And so I live and try to find as much happiness as possible. Still, it's hard. We are told that we become one in a marriage. And so my body, mind has been sawed in half and I scream from the pain of it. Still, I know that God hears my screams and cradles me in His arms when it becomes unbearable. And so I live.
I am so sorry for your loss. You will find understanding, kindness, and hope for the future here.
Hugs to you,
Sallie