Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
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My new life

avmom
avmom

Today is one of the first days I am completely along since my husband passed away 16 days ago. I keep hearing noises upstairs but I know I am alone. I am sitting thinking about all the things I should be doing like, going through his closet or even just picking up the mess in the house but I can't seem to get motivated. I have an appointment with the lawyer today to try to keep the house from going into probate. I am scared of losing everything. My mother tells me I need to keep busy and how we should have had a will, well I should have had life insurance too but I never thought my husband would die at 58. It seems like my new life is full of people either avoiding me or telling what I did wrong.


I hate leaving the house because I don't want to have to run into neighbors and make small talk. I overheard one of the neighbors telling the man who goes through our garbage for plastic bottles about my husband. He is a sweet old man who told me he was sorry but in a way I felt this was my story to tell. I ended up going to lunch with the neighbors wife, I wanted to tell my story and stop the gossip. I know I am rambling but I guess that is how my mind thinks these days, never really staying on one subject for too long. I am thinking about moving to the east coast ( I am in california) to be closer to my family. My husband was the only family I had here. My kids are upset and the oldest said he would stay ( he is 20). Now I feel I am tearing my family apart. I love my kids dearly but they have no idea who hard this is for me. I wish I could fast forward my life a year from now, I wonder if it would hurt as much. I miss talking to my husband even sending his stupid texts. I know his death hasn't really hit me, I know I will be a total mess I think I am  just waiting for it.

TooMuch
TooMuch
Giant hugs. I am so so sorry for your loss. You are doing very well so try to ignore those people who are criticizing. There's no rush in getting back to doing much of anything, so be gentle with yourself. Take time to mourn and to feel everything you feel and to find things that might ease the pain even a little bit. The house can be cleaned up later. His things can certainly be gone through later. Love to you.
Kimberlina
Kimberlina
Oh Avmom this is all still so fresh for you. It has been seven weeks since my husband died. I too hear noises all the time. I do not remember my house making so much noise when my husband was alive. People that give advice think that they are helping in some way. I know that I wanted to cut a tree down in my back yard after a recent storm and my son was like " mom you need to wait 6 months before making any major decisions" I know he was just trying to help in his way. I too am alone in a town with no family. My kids are grown and until I can retire I will have to find a way to deal with the day to day things. I get the fast forwarding life too, I want it all to be finished already.
My husband said I had the instant gratification gene. I pray for strength and guidance for all of us on this journey we did not chose.
Missmyanne
Missmyanne
Avmom.....take a breath. As you said this is the first day that you are totally alone after one of if not the most important person in your life was taken from you. See what the lawyer has to say about your financials. That's job one. Everything else can wait. You don't need to pick up the house today. You don't need to go through his closets today. Hell wife passed 9 months ago. Just about every thing in OUR house is as she left if. And guess what.....I'm fine with that. You may even find over time it gives you comfort having things how they always were. Get your financials in order and go from there. I would not make a cross country move at this time. Give yourself time to clear your head. Not a one of us here was thinking clearly after only 16 days. Your still in the shock state. Give yourself a chance to get to the thinking things through clearly state. Than go from there. Good thoughts and a big hug out to you!!
AfterMom
AfterMom
avmom, you are still in shock from losing your husband. Try to take one thing at a time. Give yourself some time. The lawyer should be helpful to you, regarding this.
Hopeful44
Hopeful44
I know exaclty how you feel and please find comfort that we all went through the same emotions so early on with our own loss. Everything may seem overwelming at this point but please do take your time to grieve and to heal. That is more important than anything else. Dont rush into making major decisions yet. You will eventually fèel much better and think much clearer... hugs..
Nanaof5
Nanaof5
My husband passed away on Oct 4th, 2016, not telling you what to do, but I know that I was touchy about somethings that I would have normally not cared about, (exp: your neighbor telling the older gentleman) we have a tendency to only think how this has effected us, but in truth it has effected a lot of people, God I was at some point trying to figure out who I probably hadn't offended... Take your time on making decisions, because if I had went through on some of my decisions that I thought about the first couple of months, I would be homeless, living in Florida and probably jobless also. The only reason I can offer any advice is I have been where you are, and I still work through it on a daily basis. My husband of 41 years was only 60 years old when he died, and it was a surprise to us, so I know what you are going through, we are all here to talk to you if you need us.