This post contains some spiritual connotations. So if that bothers you, choose another. I certainly wouldn't want to offend anyone...I'm writing about it because this is what happened to me this morning...
I was having a very lovely early morning today and in my usual fashion began to say my prayers for forgiveness, protection and happiness. I always speak with God, Mother Mary, Michael the Archangel, my guardian angel, my Mother and of course Ira, in that order. All was going according to plan until I got to Ira. Aside for the typical terms of endearment, I always ask him to guide me to comfort, peace and happiness. As I was in the midst of this statement, my mind left my body and was transported back to his death bed in the hospital. It's as if I were riding on a bright golden speeding ball of fire...straight to his bedside. My body actually rammed into the bed and it shook his body. I was then standing beside him, just like before but this time, as I looked down in to his unfocused blue eyes, his head suddenly turned to me, he grabbed my wrist firmly and looked right into my eyes. He said to me, "I love you, I'll be ok. It's ok. Take care of yourself." Then he laid back down and the room was bathed in such a bright golden light that I couldn't see anything but the color of Heaven. Suddenly I was back in my bed crying like a baby. I truly believe it was what he wanted to say to me but couldn't on that horrible day. Today, he got his chance. The opportunity was just right, I was in the zone and he went for it. I will be eternally grateful that he was able to convey his message to me so powerfully. I've always wondered what he was trying to tell me on the fateful day in June.
My life has been going smoothly these days but a little niggle keeps nagging at me that at only 7+ months, I shouldn't be this well adjusted to life. Why shouldn't I? I don't know. Guilt I guess for moving forward and simply ...living. I'm not rushing it...it's just happening. Honestly, everyday I see and appreciate the beauty of life. I remember fondly my days with Ira and thank the heavens for granting me such a love. I won't dwell on the last decade of illness and all that went with it. I've done that enough and it gets you absolutely no where. Now it's time for me to take care of me.
The day Ira left me, I knew I was thrust on to another path. I knew it would lead me in a whole other direction of what we had planned for the future. I just didn't know where. I ask him every day to show me that path and believe that he is guiding me towards it. I'm very spiritual and in touch with the signs of the universe. My eyes are always open and searching.
So this morning after my "message" I cried off and on for hours. Sad tears that I lost the love of my life, thankful tears that I'm still here to remember all of the wonderful days that we spent together, joyful tears as I know in my heart that I did everything possible to make our family's life a good one, happy tears as I see my future coming into fruition and wondrous tears as I realize that I will be able to love again with the blessing of my sweet dear Ira. He will always be with me, in my heart, gently guiding me along this road called life. In life and in death, I will always be grateful for the path that was chosen for me....frankly it's been one hell of a ride!
Love to all of you. Keep the faith whatever that means to you and always keep an open mind.
Big hugs
Darcie