I find I have to make constant efforts to just keep afloat.

Efforts to get up in the morning because there is no one to say good morning to and no one to make my coffee for me ever.
Efforts to make myself presentable even if no one will appreciate it.
Efforts to rustle up something to eat (after 5 months I have finally started to cook a minimum, instead of eating cold bought food).
Efforts to go out and try to socialise a minimum so I do not have to be constantly on my own.
Efforts to keep my abode clean and tidy.
Effort to take all the decisions alone.
Efforts to always drive my car on my own.
Efforts to do all the daily routine on one's own when we had the use to do it together .
Efforts to put one foot in front of the other.

I am not surprised to be exhausted at the end of the day. I always was an active person, still am, but I do not recall the amount of efforts I have to make now to just get by is comparable to the amount of efforts I had to make when I was working and raising my family at the same time. I put it down to grief, age and loneliness.

I guess today is not a good day for me, I just needed to share.