You said it right...efforts can be so exhausting...there will come a time when it isn't such a struggle. I'm just finding out now it takes...less effort...

I am finding it the same. After 6 months, everything is an effort still.

Hope your day turns around and becomes a good one.

I agree. As I sit here having made my own coffee. I find having a timer on coffeepot helps a little, if you remember to set it up before you go to bed.

Turning the weather channel on, as I have to do all the yard work, gotta do it at the coolest part of day. And see when the rain is coming.

Look around me, I need to clean. I pick up after myself as I go, but there is now dust, cobwebs. I vacuumed and mopped floors last night.

Still have a full page list that needs to be done. Cross one thing off, add 2 things on. Things I have been working on for 5 months now. You notice when you have a date you can back it up to. You are getting nothing done. As you are only one person. This one person has always done it all. Why can't I do it now?

Plus worked, cared for 3 children, one husband, father, grandchildren. Now its just me, how can I get it all done? I don't feel like it, but it has to be done.

Efforts indeed...
I do find it difficult at times to keep myself pumped up and motivated. And I take a day off from my efforts... just mindlessly floating in space.

Yet, again, seems like my entire life based on my efforts, I am self made individual. My husband came into my life when I was already a formed , mature person, and he was the one who really appreciated my drive. More importantly, we both worked as a team, and later enjoyed the results of our efforts.
Now without my team mate, my efforts seem arduous tasks, and even pointless at times.

But I know it is the only way to live life is pushing through, for me it is the only way. I keep on because It is my belief and it is also my of fear. I am terrified to become like some of people I know, who have had a great potential, but viewed efforts as something distasteful. Nothing looks as sad as great talent, bright mind or an exceptional ability wasted.. But I am digressing ....

Take a day off, pamper yourself, replenish, recharge, and you might feel that keeping on, making efforts is still worthwhile. Nothing worthy comes without efforts.. Your life is a gift, treasure every day, discover new joy.
Big warm hug.

I hear you Papagena and can totally relate. I do the same thing. I also work M-F so add always in a hurry and that is me. I keep a mental list in my head of what to do and I go through that daily.
Set alarm, make coffee, feed dogs, put out trash, shower, dress, go to work, come home & start over. It's all seems such a chore. Like you I am exhausted by the end of day. It just seems so much more difficult now. When Don was here I did not have this constant list running my head. I do not understand it. Why now? When will it end and when can we relax? It's exhausting.
Thinking of you and I hope your day is easier, hugs, Lu

[[[HUGS]]]

Grief is exhausting while it places demands on your psyche to make sense & find meaning of your spouse's death to have peace w/it ~
Miserable suffering is its catalyst to place everything outside yourself on the back burner to make grief a priority for inner changes ~
There are many things to let go of/surrender to bring healing ~
Each stage of grief, everything you are experiencing has its purpose ~
Uncovering their purpose allows understanding for personal empowerment ~
I know its challenging to accept grief, but when worked with it will/can drive you to find your answers & speak to you of what choices have been helpful, satisfying or neither ~
As w/all life's lessons, it takes practice & time to resonate ~
Remember you have choices to help heal yourself ~
Be kind, loving & patient w/yourself ~
Try to smile or laugh at least one per day; laughter is good medicine ~
Take care & take it easy ~
____________________________________________________
*I am currently unsupervised. I know, it freaks me out too! But the possibilities are endless* ~ me ~

Viviane: I totally agree with you everything does seem to be a effort. I am truly sorry today is a off day for you. As we both know those are also part of the journey. I hope all of us are rewarded for our efforts with some level of joy in our lives that we all used to know.
Sending you a hug. Gerald

It has been much longer for me but I remember feeling that way, What I remember most is the mail. It was a huge effort just to go to my mailbox and get the mail. Mind you it was right by my front door but I would always tell myself, "I'll get it later" I wouldn't get it until it was crammed full and over flowing.

Sorry you are not having a good day. All of the things you write about having to make constant efforts to do, ring true for me also. I applaud your efforts though because I suspect there may have been a time earlier[as there was with me] that things just did not get done. You are making progress on this journey even if it is hard to see sometimes. I wish you peace today and am sending thoughts your way. I found and bought a sign that says, "Keep calm and carry on". Some days I can and some days I can't - but it is a goal for me to reach toward. A big hug to you. -Deb

grrrrrr.... my female friend from years ago came 2 visit last week. So a neighbor called d-I-l told her my son was here all day, and he is having an affair.... he was at work all day,and my grandson was with him..... so now he can't come to my house anymore?????

Sandee, you make me laugh... I always find humour in this kind of absurd situation.

Ignore the neighbour. At least our sad situation has taught me to ignore the unimportant nonsense that is surrounding me, just take care of the essential. The rest will take care of itself.

but now, I don't have any help, he at least checked on me everyday, fixed mower, checked oil in car, whatever. I have a good mind to go jump on her, tell her to spend her time watching her 6 kids, my business isn't her business......grrrrr

Its amazing how one little word can cause so much heartache. Sometimes we have to find another word to replace those that give us trouble. On those days where the "effort" word pops up, I try to throw in the word "challenge". Some days it does help when I tell myself this. Hope your day gets better. God Bless Susan

You make me chuckle Papagena, I sometimes do not even get out of my p.j.'s throughout the day. I sit on the computer, and yes, I do have accounting work that I do, but I spend a great deal of time right here listening to all of you. There is definitely unimportant nonsense, and there is "almost" unimportant. I find myself just living and breathing in my brain. yes, the car breaking down freaks me out, the rain coming INSIDE my house last night freaked me out, hard work around the house is nearly impossible for me. I will hire someone (hopefully) to fix that HUGE leak into my kitchen when the rain started pouring down last night. All of these things, constant pain of my inefficiency to get things done. But I am proud of you that they all of your sentences were all "E's", (very good brain clarity, my dear). Tomorrow will be another better day, I so hope so, I have read your threads and you are a determined woman. ((Hugs)) Vicki

I totally relate, Papagena. It is four months now since my husband diied. So many things have become such an effort, especially the things he once did -- liking making the morning coffee or taking out the garbage or bringing in the mail or stopping at the grocery store. They are little things, but I so often cry when I do them. It's only partly the challenge of doing these things, but more the intense awareness I experience when doing them of being alone and sad and missing him terribly. Coming home from work, alone, at the end of each day is the worst -- we had only one car and he used to pick me up. I would sit at my desk and look forward to his arrival and to our evening together. Now, as I drive home, the tears often flow.

Then there are tasks I have not done, have not been able to muster the effort to do: papers to organize and more people to notify and thank you's to send and the cemetary stone to order...all kinds of things I need to muster the energy to do, but haven't so far. As you say, Papagena, just putting one fut in front of the other is a monumental effort. .

DorothyJoan