That will never leave you,the love for your wife. Ever..its almost 1.5 year since my second husband passed away after 36 years together..everyday is so bleak except when i am working. I have no desire to try anything and am ridiculously lonely..i ache..and I have decided love never dies so i think he will always live in me..i have noticed i do certain habits he used to do like the way he nodded his head or when standing i will put my leg up like him..little things he had done i noticed myself doing..i feel him more now. Even though my husband had COPD for years and cancer..cardiac heart attack...I never saw him Ever dying. My first husband was a carpenter and fell to his death. I feel..them more inside me...When i feel totally lost i close my eyes and think of what he would say..gives me comfort..cause i see him in my mind more..and i hear him smiling..I know what you are saying about being with "Happy" Normal people too. They Do not understand,until it has happened to them they will not,and even then everyone is different in their grief. Some rush right back into another relationship asap ,and you will never ever find anyone ever like her again. Allow Grieving time . Breathe. Learn to Love yourself all over again,you are your own Best friend and in time she will feel as though she is there with you. Allow the shock to wear off and be compassionate with yourself. (( Hugs)))

Have you ever watched the movie "The Notebook"? The old Noah always considered home is where his wife Allie is. That's how I see it as well.

There is an Indian proverb that goes "A healthy person has a thousand wishes, a sick person only one". The same it is for bereavement.

Dave, I think we all understand what you're feeling. Yesterday, I made myself go to a little pool party at some friends' house. The whole time I was getting ready, I couldn't stop thinking about my Dave. He would have told me I looked nice in my swimsuit, and while I was packing up the beach bag, he would be feeding the cats and icing down the cooler. And even the cooler is depressing. What would've been a medium-size cooler filled with different drinks for the two of us is now just a little six pack cooler. Once I got there, I tried very hard to be sociable and make chirpy conversation with everyone and I truly love them all. Still, everyone is a couple. I watch them interact with each other so easily, fetch a drink for their partner. I watch the husband grab the bag so his wife doesn't have to carry it, and all I can think of is how much I wish Dave were there, laughing and being the life of the party , enjoying the beautiful day in the sunshine. And then I have to say it out loud, and get the agreement and genuinely sympathetic responses, but also the shifting away of the eyes because they're uncomfortable and I'm suddenly a wet blanket. I know they're going to get tired of it and I know that I should shut up, but I just want to scream. Today, I'm making myself go see The Dark Tower with another couple, but again I can't stop thinking about how much Dave enjoyed the book series like I did and how much he would have wanted to be there with us. I just hope that I can enjoy it and not say it out loud. <3 Anita

First,I'm very sorry for the lost of your wife,I can relate to your feelings of loneliness,I've heard it said that a person can be in a room full of people and feel alone until the lost of my husband of 29 years.March the 22nd of this year is when he passed and my life as I knew it died with him.Just know when you're feeling lonely,broken or whatever you're feeling at that particular time you are not alone,so are we,(group hugs)

Hi Dave,

I am so very sorry about the loss of your wife. It's important to remember that you are in the very early days and nothing is going to seem right for quite a while. Yes, it does seem like everyone expects you to be OK within a few weeks, but that doesn't happen. It takes time. I am glad you found this group...............we are all here for you.

Sylvia

Dave, I know exactly how you feel. My Anne past over 13 months ago. When I'm home alone I want to be with people. When I'm with people I want to be home alone. Half of me is gone. If im out with people I feel like a fifth wheel. If I'm alone I feel like people are looking at me like...Can't he find a mate? What's wrong with him? We did everything together. Weekends were ours. Dinners,movies,long weekend vacations,or just going out for drinks. Now my weekends are spent by myself in the home we shared. If I do decide to go out I sit at the bar by myself and order a dinner to go. Than eat said dinner alone in the home we shared. I hate it!! You are not alone my friend.

You know, I do have one thing I look forward to every night. Around 9:30 PM or so ( Southern Cal time) I go in my room, shut my door, turn on my ceiling fan, turn off the lights, open my iPad and go straight to this site. You guys are probably the only tool I have for possibly getting better. I look forward each night to read any responses I have on this site because I know you all are the only ones that could possibly understand what I am going through. As I read all of your posts on, I would give anything to have the wisdom to give you a little encouragement but I have nothing to offer except letting you all know there is actually someone reading your post that really, truly, actually knows how you feel and what you're going through. I love you Tracey. Dave

Dave, I understand exactly what you mean , It's been 2 years now and I still feel alone. I am alone in a room full of people. I do things to try to feel again .I do things all the time . I bought two pugs because I can't sleep in the big quiet bed . I sold our house ,I moved a hundred miles away into our cabin ,I am now moving back home to Louisiana. I keep doing everything I can to feel normal. This is the last thing I can do I need my family . I need more support or something . I will keep looking because my husband told me to keep going if he died . He talked about it all the time because he lost his fiance before we met ,so he prepared me and I will be alive if he can't . I will make him proud .... it's been two years and I am just beginning to see that I can have a life again. I still love John very much , every day I cry just a little but every day I hurt just a little less and miss him just as much .