I'm sure not a one of us didn't make one mistake or another. The first years of any relationship can be rocky. That does not however diminish the love in your heart for him, the father of your children. Of course you are having a rough go of it, your heart is broken. No easier when a perfect marriage ends by death, if there ever was a perfect marriage. So forget about the guilt trip, just accept that you loved him and it's okay to grieve. Welcome. There are others here with young children, I hope you connect. I can't imagine the challenges that must present. I couldn't care for myself. But when others depend on you, you will find strength never having realized you had it in you. Glad you found us. ~~~ Scottie.

Your children will be your motivation. They will be a source of your strength. Hold on to them and remember the good times with your husband. You are not alone in this journey . Please come here as much as you need to and let everyone help you thru this.,Angela

I'm so sorry that you had to find your way to this group just like I did about 3 months ago. My husband was also 56 when he died on 1/14/18. Some days I have no desire to care for myself and I swear if it wasn't for the dog I wouldn't even get out of bed. We had 6 children between us the youngest being 17 but he went back to live his mom so I am all alone in the house. I can't imagine have 3 year old twins to care for. I agree with Scottie when he says to forget about the guilt, accept that you loved him and grieve. No relationship is perfect, God knows I would like to look back and say that mine with my husband was but we have to face the fact that we are all human and make mistakes. He did...I did...but in the end the last 5 years when he was sick and needed me the most I was the one standing beside him, taking care of all that he needed and making sure that he knew how much I loved him. That is what I have to hold on to....not regrets of what we may or may not have done. What I am left with trying to figure out how I go on alone.

I'm sorry for your lost. We are here to support each other. We all have gone through different experiences losing our spouses. The people on this site will help you realize that you are not alone. You can express yourself here and no one will judge you. You will also find that this may help you when you just can't or don't want to talk to someone you know.(for fear of being judged). My heart goes out to you.

I am so sorry for your loss. Our youngest son was 17 when my husband died. Although he was much older than your twins I felt much the same as you do. I used to ask myself how in the world I was going to help him understand the loss of his dad when I couldn't understand it myself. If it wasn't for him still being in school and living at home I would have probably not made it through the early days. He was my purpose, I told myself that I was all he had left and he depended on me to be strong. In all reality he helped me probably more than he realized. Your kids will help you along but please take care of yourself as much as possible. Hugs to you

I'm so sorry. I'm sure it's not easy. Just take one day at a time. The twins are at a very cute age. They will bring you much love and joy. Take care of yourself first. They need you more than ever.
We're here for you. Visit as often as you need to. We care. Hugs, Dolores