I am so very sorry for your loss. I also recently lost my husband to cancer in July and I have been questioning everything -- from did I do enough to did I say the right things to did I love him enough to did I give him the right care. Everything. Could I have done something more. I miss him so much. We were together for 30 years. I am 58 and he was 68, but was always strong, vital and young for his age. The cancer started last year and was terribly aggressive. He was so stoic and so strong throughout it. I was not. I am not. You must try to surround yourself with as much love as possible. Even if you don't feel like being with people. Be kind to yourself. Take extra special care of yourself as far as what you eat and getting physical activity and sunlight. I find that writing my husband letters helps me to connect with him and share my feelings. Look for some spiritual support where ever you can. You may find more support from acquaintances or a support group of strangers than from your own closest friends and family sometimes. At least that's what I've been finding. A lot of very close, old friends don't seem to get it, unless they've been though it themselves. Will keep you in my thoughts today. You may also think about doing a Celebration of Life Memorial for him in a few months or so. I did not do a traditional wake, but put together something a few weeks ago that focused on all the good memories and the things he loved, like music, sports, art, people, etc. and it really helped me. It was hard to put together, but it was very joyful and friends and family came together to help me plan it and it helped relieve some of the lonliness and the brutality of the early pain. I am still suffering and miss him every single day. The grief comes and goes in waves, but it's not quite as raw and unbearable as it was the first two months. I can think of good memories and not just the brutality of the last months of in-home hospice.

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Gabriel
I really feel for you, just wanted to give you a hug,
Again losing a husband would be most difficult challenge of all,
When I lost my brother, I would say Lord help me, several times a day, then I started doing volunteer work which truly saved my life. I was so grateful to find volunteer position that was
just right for me, a purpose that helped me get out of bed every morning.
Of course, this may not work for you at all, but it truly saved my life.
Hope you find some comfort, answers that will help you heal.
Blessings,
Linda

so sorry for your loss I lost my husband in july it is hard but we can and do get through it

Thank you all I go back to work tomorrow and I am thankful for 7 hours I can try to focus on something eles... I am worried about.my future because everything was about Gabriel my children are older I do have a grandbaby I have to keep telling myself he is in no more pain..but still I miss him so

One day the questions will tone down as what choice do we have? I try and see the beauty in life hard.Watch the birds all the time..stare at the moon and stars and think i am something bigger...or a part of something bigger..walk on the ground and think Earth is my Mother..anything to keep me grounded.Be grateful for everything..which is exhausting but worthwhile i think. When i am so miserable i think of all of you and it keeps me grounded and i feel a connection again .( Hugs)

Shelda, so true, your closing words...