This will be my first Christmas in 52 years without my sweet Annette. I lost her suddenly this September. I said to myself, Christmas is just another day,another day,24 hours and it is over. I can do almost anything for just 24 hours..

I'm so sorry for the both of you. But empty now....you are so right ....it's just another day soon to be over just like any other one. It is what you let it be. Survive it, that's all. Go through whatever motions you need to that get you through. We've all been there and we are still here.
Dianna......you'll find that a lot of people do change the subject when you talk of your late spouse. It unfortunately makes some uncomfortable. And some, well....they think they'll hurt you by talking about your lost love. It's a crazy two way street.....
This (the holidays) too shall pass as each day does. Go with the flow and do what's comfortable for you.
What ever you do, the time will pass and tomorrow will rise again.
The firsts are so hard...even the seconds can be difficult.....but you'll survive it......cherish your memories and never lose hope.
Warm hugs to you dear lady....
Darcie

I understand your emptiness. I felt it so many times and am still feeling it.

Sometimes we have to resolve into knowing that we own our grief, and stop expecting others to be our therapists. The love that you have with your husband is deeply felt by you and impacted your everyday life. When you are so desperate to keep your husband alive while telling his stories, and when people are seeing you falling into the abyss, it is understandable that they would try to steer the conversation away. After all, who wants to dwell on a topic that has no solution?

Your brother and loved ones understand that you are heartbroken and alone. They gave you company to be with them. They needed to be appreciated and treasured for their thoughtfulness and loved as well.

There are things in life that cannot be fixed and can only be carried and survived, one moment at a time. Sometimes you only come to understand things after you have experienced it, and gave to somebody what you wished others would have given you at the time you needed it.

My family i find to be exactly as yours None of them want to talk about him. Not with me anyways. I feel more normal around people who actually like me and it seems as though my family judges me. Their loss...I am finding out who I am since I have no friends around here. Too bust with my Kids who now would rather never see me. Their loss. I am going to focus on seeing my grandson whom i never see except holidays,my daughter is too busy. She has told me as long as i smoke she wants nothing to do with me...so it is what it is..Enjoy yourself inside of you..thats what i am going to do..pretend my husband is with me and draw on his strength. Merry Christmas !!

When someone you LOVE becomes a memory..A memory becomes a Treasure....

This is my second Christmas without Dennis, and I'm going to my daughters to celebrate...This year is better Diana...I remember the pain last year, because it had only been six months..You'll get through it Diana, we are stronger than we know sometimes..Spend time with family and remember...Take care Diana, you're in my thoughts..Peace..Gail...

People would get uncomfortable whenever I mentioned something Cliff and I did. That didn't stop me. It's not just HIS story, it's MY LIFE STORY, too. 30 years of my life - I didn't join the Witness Protection Program, I became a widow. That means my life history is still just as valid as anyone else's. The only way to get that across is to keep talking about YOUR life, and preferably without crying. Sooner or later, they will start to recognize that you are talking about YOUR life and will stop wincing everytime you mention Gary's name. It takes awhile, but you will get there. I know what you're going through, and it won't always be this bad. Hang on, you can get through it.

Love and Big Hugs,
Martha

I agree with everything Martha said in her response. I'd like to add that sometimes people need you to give them "permission" (to tell them directly that "it's okay") to talk about your husband. Often they're just uncomfortable, but sometimes it's simply because they think that talking about him will be hurtful to you. However, if they see you cry at the mention of his name or when you're sharing a memory about him, then they won't believe you're okay with the conversation. In my experience, it took me years before I was able to talk about my husband without becoming too emotional. I think that when I was finally able to say his name and share a story without crying then that was a sign that I had finally begun to heal. Of course I still cry from time to time even though it's been 7 years since he passed (we had been married for 27 years at the time of his death) when talking about him but for the most part, I'm now able to smile instead of cry when I think or talk about him. Holidays and special occasions will always tug at your heart but time truly does help the healing process. Live at your pace even if it's slow. Life goes on and you will survive. With hugs and prayers, Donna

I can understand your comments about family members not talking about your love who passed on. I grew up with no one (except my paternal grandma) talking about a dad who got lost in the ocean one month and two days before I was born. My mother not only lost her husband but her younger brother, who had gone hunting with my father in a skiff. Their bodies/skiff were never found. I'm 64. My mother pass in '09. I have moved on. My husband just passed last month from cancer. I will always talk about him to his children/grandchildren when I get beyond this deep grief I'm going through. Keep talking; someone is listening; and it is healing for yourself.

HI,

This was my first Thanksgiving, Christmas, Halloween etc... without my hubby. Like your husband, he was so kind and handsome- I miss him so so much. Somehow I have managed and just keep focused on making it a day at a time--- sometimes an hour at a time when I am feeling down. I was told this is the price for loving someone so much and I do believe it is true. I have some married friends that have distanced themselves from me - I think they feel strange not that my hubby is gone; however, I have some very good friends that have stuck around and seek me out. I like to talk about my husband and the good times we had. I often start crying but that is my way of dealing with his loss. Continue to talk about him- This is one of the most comforting things that I do. I feel better when I talk about him. We celebrated his life over the holidays and yes that's what I did - talk, talk talk about him. Take care of yourself and every night I pray for all of us that have lost our loves ones- I pray for strength and guidance. Sending you hugs.