Hi Mary, you are doing just fine with your children. They know you care about how they are feeling, and feel free to tell you anything. That gives them a feeling of security. I know what you mean about reading their moods. Sometimes when Matt is quiet, and looks sad ( he is non-verbal), I think right away that he is missing Sharry. That expression on your child's face can break your heart. Then, he starts smiling, and my breath comes back, realizing, that time, I miss read him. It really is okay, we are there when they need us.
Robert

Your feelings are normal and understandable. Being a mother you are always protective of your children, and worry about them. While it is normal, it is also important to let your children go through their mourning, not skipping or escaping it by moving on or getting "busy". If they won't go thought this normal process, the grief can manifest itself in some other behavioral ways, and possibly later in life. Let them feel it, and work though it.
Also because they are adults, allow them to be your strength at times, and maybe even openly talk about your need to have them taking over some responsibilities while you are at your lowest point. Playing the strong role and taking care of some of your needs might help them to channel their emotions into a meaningful way.
I see you as a very responsible parent, whose source of strength got depleted and you just need to have some break....I used to feel the same way overburdened emotionally trying to cope with my grief and trying to read my son's strange ways of expressing or hiding emotions.
In my case we finally talked openly about it, and it helped.
I sure hope you can find your way to stay close and support each other.

Warm hug

I know exactly what you are talking about and have the same issues. My only daughter is in her 30's and has been married for 11 years. I have made the assumption that she and her husband are working through their grief together. That is theirs to own.

I have gotten the impression that she has expected me to be a part of her grieving but, like you, I can only handle my own right now. I have no one to help me and up until very recently, have had no emotional strength to do anything else.

I did talk with my daughter about needing some help and was strongly rejected. I was told that I didn't experience anything any worse than anyone else and shouldn't expect any assistance.

This is in sharp contrast to how things were handled when my father in law passed away. My mother in law was the focus of everyone's attention and people were quite concerned about her well-being.

My counselor has told me that the young today are trained by our culture to be very self-focused and they are not capable of offering the same assistance to their parents as we did to ours. Fortunately I seem to be recovering some of my inner strength this past week and am hoping that it will remain. It is a very frightening thing to know that you need help but there is no one there to help you. I sincerely hope that that part of the journey is past.

As a mom , I know I would worry about their mood and feelings even if their dad was still alive but in regards to grieve I understood from the get go that I could not live their grieve for them as they could not live my grieve. We should kept the lines of communications open and swam as best as we could separately but in the same direction touching fins here and there.

Mimi, I have six children. Four are adults and a set of 15 year old twins. As far as the adult children, all I could do was let them know I am here if they need to talk. But they knew losing a dad hurts, but losing a husband is unimaginable. Two of the adult children are my step daughters. They are having a hard time coming around because there dad is not here. I am still in contact with them, they just don't come to the house as much with their dad not here. It does hurt to not have them come around, but this is something they have to work through. My twins, well mine are boys and they don't say too much. I do worry more about them. All I can do is pray.