I am sorry you are going through this, but from my limited experience it is normal. I didn't sleep in our bed for almost 3 months after he died. I slept upstairs on the couch. At 5 months I have been back in our bed for 2 months and don't really sleep more than 3-4 hrs total. I am awake most of the night and will leave the TV on or have soft music playing so I don't feel so alone. I also let the dog sleep on the bed with me now. This is a long hard road and it does get a little easier each month that goes by, but you just have to keep trying day by day. Wishes for some comfort and peace on your journey. Robyn

You are not weak Papa. I am so sorry for your loss. It has been 15 months for me and i can finally sleep. It has been one day, one step at a time to get where I could. We all are different. I can not sleep on my husbands' side. I some times sleep in my husbands long sleeve Tee shirt and wrap those arms around me. I always sleep hugging a pillow. Sleep wherever and however you can. You need your rest. Take care of yourself and know we care!!!

Papa,

For I, like you the empty bed was a hell of an adjustment. I have no answer for you on that one other than you just do it. The worst for me was the first time I stayed in a motel by myself. that was really strange but then a gain I survived. You will find that this journey is not fun but you will make it through by puting one foot forward at a time and letting it happen. No easy fix from me as i just toughed it out and cried, cried and cried. No crime there for you to work through your emotions as taht is what you have to do to move forward. Wish I had the short and easy but just know we understand and are by your side. (Males and Females) it hurt's like hell for all of us. Be assured you are not alone and we are thinging of you in your suffering. Big Hud! Dewman

I am so so sorry. My husband has been gone since May and every night is still so hard. I can't turn the thoughts off and finally fall asleep around 2 or 3... wake up by 6 or 7 to continue the thoughts. If the weather is nice and I can do yard work, I am better during the day. If the weather is gloomy or cold, I am horrible. There is plenty to do inside, but the motivation is not there. Robert's pillows are still in place and I sleep with my arm under them. It does take me hours, though, to get off the couch and actually go to bed. The sound of the TV helps with my racing thoughts. Such awful TV! Should probably try music but I keep with the TV. I actually cry less often. Now the tears come totally unexpected. Just let it happen. Let your tears come. I honestly believe there is healing in that. My wedding anniversary is this Sunday. I have no idea how I will be. Other people who have been through the same tell me the anticipation of these dreaded dreaded date is worse than the actual day. Hang in there. The people on this site are so sweet and understanding. One day at a time. No... one moment at a time. Love, Jamie

PaPa, it's been 22 months for me and I still can't sleep on Morey's side of the bed. Horton, my huge Black Lab has claimed Morey's side and that's okay with me. He's great company and makes me feel safe!

Let everything just happen. Don't fight your feelings, your tears, your thoughts. Go with it and try to exist as best you can.

Everything will come together, in time. Take care of business, the paperwork and most of all YOU. Try to go out and breathe......I always forget to take those deep, deep breaths. They open up your airway and bring much need fresh oxygen to your whirling brain!

We're here for you if you just need to talk.

Warmly,
Roz

You guys are all great and so far the only people who really understand. ..I don't know what I would do without the advice from this site you are all great thank all of you so much

Dear Papa . . . sleep wherever and whenever you can. My sleeping patterns are all over the place . . sometimes find myself on the sofa sleeping a beautiful afternoon away only to wake up and be up all night. I've learned to "rest" and give myself permission to do so as I need it, wherever and whenever. Friends and family can be concerned . . . thinking I'm depressed (well, hell yeah, ya think?) . . the point is, I'm eating and sleeping . . just maybe not by everyone else's expected time lines.

As for the bedroom . . . do what you feel is comfortable for you. You may decide to make adjustments in the coming future, or you may decide to re-invent self and move into a differing bedroom. As for showers, soaps, robes, etc . . . again, these are your decisions. They are not up to another's discretion to say what is right or wrong.

P.S. A "weak" person would not expose so much shared vulnerability as you have here. Kudos.

Sending lots of healing energy your way. This too shall pass . .

xo, Dayna

Hi don't feel you are weak my husband passed 7 months ago and I still have not been able to return to our bedroom I moved into a guest room take things one day at a time be good to your self God bless! Julie

Dear Papa: You are not weak you are grieving. Take the time you need, cry, try to remember to eat and keep yourself hydrated. It is so hard to take care of yourself during these first few months, but it is vital that you try to do so.. I slept for two weeks on the couch and then went back to our bedroom. Difficult at first, but it was the best bed in the house and I needed the sleep. I was fortunate in that I had two large Labs giving me love and keeping me company.

I lost my husband four years ago and I have learned to live life on my terms. I still have the last shirt he wore tucked away unwashed and I will never get rid of it or wash it. Do what you need to do for yourself. You are definitely not a weak person, weak people don't love so much or grieve so deeply.
Hugs,
Val.

hi papa11, My husband passed Jan 28, '15 his 64th Birthday. I read a number of posts and can tell the difference from those that lost their partner a longer time then those who just lost them. I am finding this the hardest thing I have ever done, living every day alone without my best friend. I don't find going to bed that hard, for me it's getting up and starting the day. Today his beloved BassBoat was taken away, he loved bass fishing. The hardest thing I find is deciding what to do with items that need to go now. It's like he is slowly leaving me all over again. I hate this new life of mine our home what we loved/built together no longer brings me joy. I know we'll get over this but it is oh so hard..Good luck and hugs...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Right now, all you have to do is survive, day by day, sometimes hour by hour. Be kind to yourself, cry, scream, punch the pillows if you need to. You have to grieve, in your own way and time. My bed, has always been a place of comfort for me, a place, I can cry, kneelnex on the night stand. I never left my house or bed since he died. If it's really hard to do. Maybe set up another room, for "your" room. Hold on, it's a rough ride.

Paula

ramar
oh you are so right about getting rid of some things just remember your husband is in your heart just like my wife is in mine i talk to her i love her and i let her know all the time, the house isnt the same and when i cant stand it i go for a drive i love as much today as i did when she was still alive in her body...as i know you do your husband im going to sell my wifes car i feel bad because it was hers but if it was her that was still here i would expect her to sell my truck...this is the hardest part of my life by far we have to hang in there though....i cant tell you why but we have to is what people keep telling me...good luck ramar and im very sorry for your loss

It takes strength to endure what we have been forced to endure and I can honestly say that none of us are weak. After my husband passed and I was home alone, fear set in for a while and my bedroom was the only place I felt somewhat safe as I would lock the bedroom door and not come out until daylight the next morning . When my daughter came home on week ends, I could finally breathe and not be so afraid. I also had to be home before nightfall and since he passed at the end of January 2013, that meant 4 pm . It was not rational but it was what it was and all I could do at that time. I would cry myself to sleep each night for months. I truly felt that I was a prisoner of my bedroom but fear and grieve kept me there. It has been two years and I still have his robe and flannel pajamas and on my night table sits his bottle of cologne which for I would spray in the air each night before turning the lights off for months afterwards. Grieve is unique yet the same in so many ways. The important part is to let yourself grieve .

No you are not a weak person what you are gong thur is very normal. Just give your self some time and what it works best for you just keep doing it. You will get to the place were you will feel comfortable bad in your bed at you own time and when you know it feels right.

Thanks for your reply..I gave our youngest son my husbands pickup that had always been attached to the bassboat. Its was like it was meant to be, the title was in Ray's and Pete's name not mine. Odd right..But Pete is like a mini Ray and he will charish that truck for a long time. Today is a bad day for me, going to banks, giving copies of the death certificate, working on taxes. Ray did all the finances for us, hard to go in and understand someone elses' methods. Hurts more to realize just how much I depended on him and how good I had it. Wish I could tell him. Sad we realize how important they were to us after they are gone.