I am so sorry for your loss.
NO, you are not weak. We all have had to get through it. Sleep on the couch, it don't mind. I slept on the couch for a long time. Even though we each had our own rrooms for 20 years.. Get what rest you can. Drink lots of fluids, remember to eat. You are on a long journey. You have to go through it. On Feb 11th, will be 2 years for me. I promise, it will get easier, but not for a long time. My prayers to you. Sandee

I agree with Sandee that you are definitely NOT weak. You are so early in your grief and you are experiencing the tremendous loss and loneliness that comes from losing someone you loved so much.

I disagree, however, with the idea of staying out on the couch all night. I am concerned that the longer you stay out of your bedroom, the more difficult it will be for you. Using your wife's soap and placing her robe near you on the bed are very good ideas. Please continue both of these methods of dealing with your loss. Yes, it will make you cry, but crying is something you must do at this time.

Concentrate on getting through one day at a time ... and please come here often for support.

Wishing you peace . . .

papa11, not weak at all. I slept on the couch with a dog and a radio turned on for a couple of weeks. I lined up pillows along her side of the bed so that when I reach out I feel something. Take all the time you need and as Sandee says take care of yourself.

I think it is beautiful that you cared about your wife so much. There is nothing strange or odd about anything you feel when you are grieving. Recent things my husband had said or did before he died haunted me then slowly faded over time. Crying over the loss of someone so dear to you is not weak.

Pappa..I'm so sorry for your loss...you are not weak at all...like everyone said take care of you...as for getting through it really is one day at a time...I can relate to the soap..it took me over a year to take the stuff out of the shower and after 2 years I finally got rid of his robe...I wore it as if it was mine...Sending a hug!!

Papa Your normal. Don't try to shut off what you feel. I'm 7 years older and only three weeks in front of you on this road. I cry lots, and at unexpected times. Just go with it. Find some privacy if you need it. I joined a grief group at the local church. I'm not to religious but they didn't care. There's an older gentleman there > 70. When I fell apart that first meeting he just sat there and held my hand. As I sat there and balled I could feel his comfort. If I could do that for you now I would. Guy n Jalee

Papa, I too am sorry you lost your soulmate. No you aren't week, you are human. My wife had a few t shirts she wore to bed and I wear them now. I have only slept on her side of the bed once or twice. One time was the night she passed. One other was on the first anniversary of her passing. It is a hard thing to have to work through this grief. Just remember we are all different as people and all different in our grief. It's been 29 months since my wife passed and I still can't believe its real.

Just take care of yourself.

Jeff

You are definitely not weak ; my wifes robe is on her side of the bed..it smells like her..i used to reach out and stick my hand under her shoulder as well and just look at her also..I use her soaps to smell her.. You are SO not weak.. I could have written what you posted, have mercy on yourself

papa, so sorry for the loss of your wife. Absolutely not, you are not a weak person. You lost the most precious, cherished person in your life. Go with what soothes you to get you through the day. I still sleep on my side of the bed and put a teddy bear my husband gave me on his pillow. The first few months are a big blur of crying, weeping, paperwork, and more crying. Try to eat if you can... I still cry at 11 months. much, much peace to you.

Papa11 - So very sorry for your loss. I'm so glad many of the guys answered you on this, so you see what you are going thru is completely normal. Let the tears flow. You are not weak, you are grieving. If you have family and friends around, get hugs, ask for help, let them take care of you (I found my friends felt better if I gave them specific tasks to help with.) March 1 it will be two years for me, and like others, I still have moments. I actually bought a new bed for myself so I had a 'fresh' start there. Even forced myself to sleep on "his side" to remove the 'stigma' of it, if that makes sense.
Sending hugs and caring thoughts. Be gentle on yourself - you'll pull through.

I am sincerely sorry for your loss Papa. Be assured that you are not weak. You need to cry, no weakness or shame in it. You are so early in your grief, it is normal to feel distraught.

My advice is to be kind to yourself, take an hour at the time, take time to grieve and try to rest as much as you can, any trick which helps you to do that is good. Anything which brings you a measure of comfort is good.

It will be two years for me next week and I still cry. I still flounder from time to time and dissolve in floods of tears but I do not feel bad about it. Tears are helpful and clears my sorrow away for a time. Things will get better in time but you still have to do a lot of grieving.

From the beginning, I could sleep in our bed without problem, in fact to me it was a real comfort and a real peace haven. Even now, I prefer to sleep on "his side" as I feel closer to him. At the beginning of this journey, I used pillows, hot water bottles, whatever I needed to bring me some peace and comfort. There are no rules, do what you need to help you get some rest.

Take good care of yourself.

Oh no you are NOT a weak person, it has only been a short time to grieve

I am sorry for your loss, and I want you to know I did a lot of what you are doing. Cliff died in our bed, which made it hard to sleep in it. I used to wrap myself up in his bathrobe and pretend it was him holding me and cry myself to sleep. I never could sleep on his side of the bed, but my sister got me a "body pillow" - it's a long bolster type pillow, and sleeping with that helped as I was used to rolling over and bumping into Cliff in the night I guess, so having something there to bump into helped. It was hard for me to get used to the quiet, too, as he was a world class snorer! Snored like a Lear jet, and even that I missed.....

Hang in there, you will get through this, and you won't have to go it alone. Remember to drink extra water as the crying will dehydrate you. Try to eat one decent meal a day at least to keep your strength up.

As far as sleeping in your bedroom versus the couch, sleep wherever you can for now. If it lasts more than another couple weeks, then you may need to think about changing some stuff in the room to make it less painful to be in there, but for now go ahead and sleep on the couch. It is more important right now that you get the rest rather than where you are sleeping. I slept fitfully for a long time - up every couple of hours in the beginning, and often the only real sleep I got was conking out on the couch watching tv with my kids.

I am glad you found us, and want to welcome you to the group.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

You're not weak Papa. You're doing things that many of us have done to endure and process our loss. Don't be afraid to try things that you think might help you in your grief. I slept on the couch for quite a while. Even though I tried, I never could sleep in our bed. I eventually replaced it with a new bed, smaller, just for me. I put one of her favorite shirts on her pillow and slept with that fo a while. It's been over a year now and sleep comes a little easier. Know that things will improve. Not necessarily today or tomorrow but they will. Be good to yourself and take care of yourself. Grief is painful but it's a natural process that's there to help us thru times we could never imagine. Hang in there and come here often. The folks here truly care.
John

My Tim passed away during the night in our bed. I stayed in that house for 6 weeks after he passed and slept in that bed that whole time. I had to sell it because I needed to down size to move from CA to CO. I did not bother me, it actually comforted me.
I hope things get easier for you.
Hugs, Sandi