Music may soothe the savage beast, but it kicks me right in the teeth. My wife and I had so many songs that we enjoyed and now at 3 months without her, breaks me down like a rag doll. We shared so much with our spouses. Music is just another one. Our emotions are also out of control at times too so even a new song with the right words or tune will do it. There will be many, many things that have some type of memory attached to them but music is a tough one for me. My best to you.

Absolutely! Music was such a key component in our marriage that after Cliff died I couldn't listen to anything we shared for a long, long time. And that cut out 30 years of music! Yikes! I could only stand to listen to music I listened to before we met or things that came out or I discovered after he died. And I agree with jopva - it doesn't even have to be a song I liked. In remember being in a dressing room in a department store (my sister took me shopping to get me out of the house), and Bryan Adams' song "I Ain't Missing You" came on the piped in music and just demolished me. I can't even stand Bryan Adams! LOL! But it hit that raw nerve and I just lost it...

My first date with Cliff was to see his favorite guitarist (John Cippolina of Quicksilver Messenger Service fame), so it was from Day One that music was part of our relationship. It took a long time before I could listen to the songs we shared. Until then, I relied on the music of my youth before we had met. I rediscovered my love of the Rolling Stones, of funk, and even rockabilly.

You're not alone, Mimi. I hear ya. It will pass, but it will take some time.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

P.S. - American Pie always made me cry!

If I listen to music now its always Beethoven or Mozart. Michael loved music. He always had it on. Especially Hair Band music. That was also one of my favorites but I don't even want to hear it now. So I stick to the classics...they won't make me remember & cry

I am with darjar0. When my daughter died I found it difficult to listen to pop music, as my daughter and her friends always listened and sang them - almost anything from 1996 is thought provoking for me now.

But I 'discovered' Mozart. I listened to all things Mozart for about two years straight. I ended up buying most of his music ( probably 100 CDs ). Funny that I don't listen to it anymore, but it did help me in those days - peaceful and smooth.

The song remembers when....

Interestingly, for me music has not been a negative thing. During my husband's illness he began to desire to listen to the music from our youth so we bought several CD's. He ended up not listening to them very much but I began to listen to them myself. They brought back happy memories from that time, 4-wheeling in his Jeep, and just a more simple time in our lives. It has been fun also to expose our grandkids to Grampa and Gramma's music--they get a kick out of it!

It took me 6 months to be able to listen to anything other than national public radio....my husband was a musician. He was a music evangelist...and he sang to me at our wedding. Going to church was hard as I saw/heard him lead so many services. I am gradually adding music back into my life. Next Friday I am going with friends to listen to a band...I checked their whole song list to see if I thought I could handle it. There are times when a song comes on that I just cant listen to yet...but I am trying. I loved music before I knew Chris and he would not want me to stay away from it. So I am trying...

There were songs that brought me to tears. Sometimes they were cleansing tears and other times they were heart wrenching moments that took my breath away. Eventually, and I don't know how long it took, I found a song that gave me strength and I played it over and over for a long time. It was on a CD and my daughter asked if I wasn't tired of hearing it. I shared my feelings about it. I think she thought I was losing my mind, but I knew that you would understand. We need to do what works for us. Sharon

Wow.. that took me so many months to even turn the radio on... Now I have no problem, still sometimes a sharp pain in my chest once a song comes on.. Like this morning was playing American Boy and that was his ring tone... I quickly looked at my phone, just to be reminded that my baby will never call me again. Sharp pain inside my chest.. but for most part, I am starting to have a smile on my face when the songs he used to sing come on the radio. It takes time.. it really does.

It's been almost 5 years since Jim left and certain songs still do it to me. When I am driving in the car and I drive alot for work I try to listen to talk radio. If I am listening to a regular radio station and American Pie comes on I now sing along, cry a little and think of Jim. We played American Pie at his funeral as it was his favorite song and many time when he was alive we sang along in the car. I take American Pie as a sign that he is thinking of me too. I no longer break down and bawl when I hear this special song but it does remind e of better times.

There are days I can tolerate music and days I hate the thought of it. Guess it depends on what kind of music it is. Sorry to offend some here but I really hate classical music and you would probably hate what I listen to. I just have days when any additional noise annoys me. I can not drive a car with the radio playing. It interrupts my quiet.

Maggie

I can't drive, if the radio is NOT on.....keeps me from having road rage...

It's been both, but I find now I can't do without it. Blasting classic rock early in the a.m. when I'm at work, baking - I don't know why I didn't do it the first few years. And R & B at night when I'm on the computer - all in all I have music on 4-5 hours a day. There are some songs that still bring me to tears.

I had to come back to repost on this topic because I too need my quiet time. Like Maggie said "It interrupts my quiet time. " I used to have the radio on while I was raising our children, but after Don died I did go through a period where it sounded like noise instead of music. I was also very outgoing. Always going somewhere or doing something. That has changed too. I'm much more comfortable home alone in silence with a book. I truly forgot and wanted to update. Sharon