Hi, My name is Jeanne and I am going through the same thing. My husband died 2.5 months ago. We were married for 30 years and his death was very sudden. I did go back to work 2 weeks after his death out of necessity as he had no insurance and now I am the sole bread winner and I have a son at home. I found going back to work was a good for me as I have been trying to be busy and distracting myself. It was like at work I was normal again. I had surgery shortly there after and have been home for 5 weeks and have been having nothing but anxiety. I actually made an appointment to see someone about it. I also feel like it is a bad dream and I want to wake up. I feel despair and there seems to be no soothing it. All of his stuff is right where he left it as I don't want to move it and yet there is a part of me that wants to run away to a new place and start over and try to forget.... I know I am not making sense. But I hope this makes you feel you are not alone and you are not crazy. I am so sorry for your loss and also that you have not have the family that you were longing for. Funny how in just a moment all your life plans just change. I am sending you love :-)

It does get easier in time this is my second husband who passed away..takes about a couple of years if you allow yourself to grieve and heal...take it easy on you your only human

I'm so sorry for both of your losses. It shouldn't have to be this way but none of us had a choice. Just know you are not alone. We are here for you. It's been over 4 years since I lost my wife of 40 years to breast cancer. It took me over a year to do anything with her closet. The first year was a blur. It takes time, but don't let people tell you it ever goes away. It does get more tolerable.

I totally understand it when you say he is still here but he is not. I felt and still feel the same way. Even after 4 years it doesn't feel real. I don't get on here as much as I used to, but this site helped me keep my sanity. Just knowing what I experienced was "normal", what ever that is, helped me keep it together.

Take care of yourselves, this is a crucial time for your heath.

Jeff

Thanks everyone, I appreciate the advice. Seriously, I really do feel as if I could just literally pack a bag and leave and never come back to this house. I wish I could leap into a new life.

There are no easy answers, when the ground crumbles underneath you when you thought everything was so solid, there are no quick answers. There are just baby steps and one day at a time, until you can get enough focus to figure out what you want in this strange new world.

So, I was the girl who had an education and career who held out for the right guy. We got married and I had our life mapped out. We were going to grow old together, finish each others sentences and hold hands on the park bench. He died suddenly of a massive heart attack at the age of forty one. I had massively underemployed myself, as he was a brilliant attorney, and my family had a business and he had ailing grandparents and I had ailing parents that needed care. It made perfect sense, he would make the money, I would make sure all of the rest of our lives were taken care of, then there was no him.

For a long time, although I knew he was dead, I still expected to have him walk through the door. Was surprised when he didn't. But eventually reality set it and I knew I had to build a life for myself. But what did I want that like to look like? Who did I want to be? I can't tell you how to come to your answers, especially so early on in this new life you didn't ask for. What I can tell you is that eventually you just start trying, failing and succeeding and eventually you have a life. Your life that you are immensely proud of because you built it out of ashes and broken dreams. I am now six years out and my life is nothing like I expected, but I love it. I have a new career, a new man, an entirely different life that I made out of nothing but sheer determination.

Right now, be kind to yourself, take baby steps. It's okay that you have his stuff around, you need it there. It took me a year and then I was ready to start moving his things. Try to sleep, try to stay hydrated. Try to exercise, it really helps. Find something that you want to do and do it. See if it works. Take it one day at a time and realize that you are doing great by just getting up in the morning.

Hugs,
Val

So sorry for your loss. Cant give any advise on how to cope because Im a mess myself. But I will be praying for you and hold on to the comforting fact that you are not alone. We know what you are going through. Big Hug